Woman shocked when BF drugs her on a road trip, he claims, 'It was the BEST decision for US.' AITA? CREEPY UPDATES.
When this woman is shocked by her boyfriend's decision to drug her on vacation, she asks Reddit:
"My boyfriend (35m) drugged me (26f) on a road trip. AITA?"
Monday we decided to make the 8ish hour drive back to our home state and quarantine there instead for a few months. Bit of a vacation in a way too.
Right before leaving, we got into a big fight because I wanted to stay at my mothers house for a while, he doesn’t want me to, among other things I won’t get into. Well, before leaving we decided to eat dinner so we didn’t have to stop anywhere.
Fast forward to our drive and not long after hitting the road I passed out. Don’t even really remember falling asleep. Woke up one time for a while, drank some Gatorade which he gave me, and then I fell asleep again.
I thought this was extremely weird because I wasn’t tired hardly at all and we didn’t even leave super early. I kept commenting on how weird it was that I was tired the whole drive and slept 90% of it.
Yesterday the tension eased a bit and he made the offhanded comment that he wishes he could drug me more when I “act out” and argue with him. I ask him what he’s talking about.
Proceeds to tell me he put Benadryl in my drink and that’s why I slept, so he didn’t have to deal with me. He literally said this as though it wasn’t that big of a deal! That it was the best decision for us.
I’m still reeling from the conversation and completely floored. I don’t know if I’m overreacting or not but something tells me I’m not, and it’s extremely fd up to put medicine in drinks. I don’t know what to do. AITA?
Before we give you OP's major updates, let's read some of the top responses:
tismcgee writes:
Listen, leave now. As a woman who has been there and didn’t leave when I should have. LEAVE.
Second, you can get evidence later. You have a phone. He’s bound to try to talk to you. Get him to admit it later via text or something but proof is NOT (or should not be) your #1 concern right now. Your safety is the most important thing.
Can your mom come get you? Can you get away from him to a public place with people and wait for her or a friend to pick you up?
altruisticmillenial writes:
LEAVE THE HOUSE IMMEDIATELY AND GO SOMEWHERE SAFE. This is not OK not in the least bit.
I am like the one person on this subreddit who tells people not to break up over stupid shit when everyone else says "run" and I am telling you... RUN.
This is not ok. You are an adult and he has no right to do what he did to you. That is all sorts of illegal and for good reason! Call the cops!
whyareyouwhining writes:
The tone of your message here reveals that you are already making excuses for his behavior, and that deep down, you think you are to blame. Being drugged scared you, and it should. But there is a lot between the lines in this post – along with some explicitly stated examples of ongoing control and abuse.
You think you can’t make it without him. That you’ll be poor. You might be. It’s not the worst thing that can happen. He, on the other hand, chose to reveal the drugging to you. Why?
He wants you to know he drugged you. He wants you to know what he’s capable of. He wants you to be afraid. He has invested a lot of time and energy into isolating you and creating financial dependence. He clearly does not want you to leave.
You already know he crossed the line. And you know what you must do. Several of these posts have given advice about doing it surreptitiously, and soon. They are correct.
tajasam writes:
Ok. It seems like you are in a very unhealthy and abusive relationship. What I would recommend, is elaborate a plan to move out of the house and out of his « reach » because all the abuses will became stronger and worse with time or events (like having a baby or getting married.)
I’ve looked at some of you commentary, and it seems like it’s way worse that it seems in the actual comment.
First thing you could do is telling your parents if you have a good relationship. (Even if it is not that great, just don’t go to them if they also are abusive.)
Explain them everything, and ask them if you could live with them for a little moment, the time to be financially stable again. Ask them if they can pick you up. (I’ve heard they are kinda far away.)
If you can’t, try calling 211, it is a number that will help you connect with the correct organization available in you area if you are from the U.S witch I assumed because of your way to talk and the fact that you live pretty far from your parents.
I suppose that your phone is also « secured » in a way because you wrote that Reddit post. If not, make sure to secure every single one of your conversations about the « runaway. » It could be with a « private » conversation or even more secured, an other account and with the « hidden » mode on your browser.
You have to be quick and don’t let him suspect anything. The day of leaving, do not tell him. At all. If you can go see your friends, pretend doing that. If you can’t, wait till he is gone for a few hours.
Only take a little bag with you. With only your ID, phone and a few bucks, like if you were about to go with your friends or chill in a café. If your boyfriend know, then he will make things more difficult than they are.
He will try to convince you to stay, but he could be far more violent or drug you again and make you stay by force. And at that point it will be far more difficult.
When you are at your parents home, or in a shelter, or at one of your friends home, do not take physical contact with him, at all costs. If you were forced to see him again in a way or an other, make sure that there is at least somebody with you. In certain countries, you can be escorted by the police.
Don’t also accept any drinks that he give you, or something to eat. And when it’s time that he give you back your belongings, be sure that he either drop it somewhere or/and make one of your friend, or parents pick them up.
When you re safe, please go see a lawyer as soon as you can, they really can help you with that situation far more than I will. Try to have a new start, a new job, and then eventually, move out again.
forgotten6 writes:
Ummmm YTA. Hate to be that guy but I call bullshit. Gatorade is just a glorified energy drink, people who drink f loads of caffeine use diphenhydramine to bring their levels back to normal so that they can actually attempt to sleep.
So you shouldn't be feeling tired because the only thing that should happen is Benadryl should bring your caffeine levels back to normal.
If he had mixed it with something like water it would come across as a little more believable but you would notice upon the first sip. Actually, you should know you were drinking Benadryl anyway because it is bitter.
If it was alcohol that would be dangerous but you took two things which just counter reacted one another, hence why I don't think this is believable because it shouldn't have this effect on you. everyone else calling red flags and offering this con artist of an OP money are blind.
Who wouldn’t notice BENADRYL in a fucking Gatorade? What the f guys? “My husband replaced my bedside water with vodka and I didn’t notice and got drunk because they’re the same color”.
That’s literally what this bullshit is. Benadryl has a strong, bitter flavor. There’s no way someone would mistake the sugar water that is Gatorade for Benadryl.
OP is insinuating the color was enough to mistake them for each other. Fg insulting the intelligence of us all and half of you are eating it up.
imaginetheory writes:
Benadryl can be dangerous. Here are the ingredients to Gatorade--
water, sucrose (table sugar), dextrose, citric acid, natural flavor, sodium chloride (table salt), sodium citrate, monopotassium phosphate, and flavoring/coloring.
There is no caffeine, there is no b-group vitamins, it isn't an energy drink nor is it even marketed as such. It is marketed as hydration drink.
Let us see what OP actually said. She said that it was her dinner that was drugged first. Then after she was drugged and woke up once while still very out of it he gave OP Gatorade which may or may not of had more benadryl in it. When you are out of it you are out of it. Even if it did taste funny she isn't likely to remember that.
Also, this is what OPs boyfriend told her. He may be lying about what drugs he gave her to minimize what he did. Not that giving "just" benadryl actually minimizes what he did.
What fg assholes you all are. Wanting so bad to seem so much more intelligent then all the "sheeple eating this up." We all know this could be fake, we also know this could be real and that it has definitely happened to other people.
If it is is real look at what you are doing to a victim. You aren't intelligent in this regard you are giant terrible people.
Also, it is perfectly reasonable to say that because OPs boyfriend broke this huge boundary he is definitely capable of breaking other huge boundaries.
mcthickenfries writes:
Leave him, I used to have an "addiction" if you can call it that to benadryl I was dependent on it to sleep like I couldnt sleep without it and it caused me a few minor helath problems while benadryl is relatively safe to use you can develop a dependency, overdose...
(heart issues, seizure, and sometimes death), and other affects and who knows how much he gave you for you to just pass out like that (depends on your tolerance tbh) and stay asleep like that and how many times hes done it that he hasnt admitted too.
If your state is one party consent I'd take a voice recording and ask of he really drugged you, get him to admit it, wait until you are home, pack your things, leave, and get a restraining order.
Edit to add: just so it clear when you mix benadryl (or those little blue sleeping tablets you can get over the counter cause they are honestly almost the same thing) into juice or anything you cant really taste them that's how...
I was able to take several at a time if you still have the bottle look for residue at the bottom itll look pink or white or kind of the same color as the drink but it'll be noticable and if he...
gives you anything else to drink let it sit for a bit so if he didnt mix it in well enough any residue will settle at the bottom also if he gives you something take a small sip and try to figure...
out if it taste like it should while the Gatorade can mask the taste for the most part sometimes you can still taste it just a littel if that makes sense and please please be careful.
OP provides this first update:
The problem is we drove his car, my moms house is an additional hour away, I’m not sure what evidence I have to prove it, and he has a huge upper hand right now.
I lost my job due to covid which he said was completely fine, and that he didn’t want me to find some random job/part time while this was happening and he wanted to take care of everything.
He owns the house, now he’s paying all the bills. Every time I do something completely reasonable that he doesn’t like, like wanting to get a job during this pandemic until I reinstate my career, or simply that I want to stay at my moms house for a while, he threatens me with phone cut off/locked out of house/etc.
OP provides this second update:
Wow, y’all. I haven’t been on reddit since I posted my original here and I did NOT expect this. I had to make an extra account with similar name to post because of the 48 hour thing, but I know a lot of people were genuinely worried about me so I wanted to go ahead and post an update (sorry if that’s not allowed).
Thank you guys so much, I can’t even believe the support/response I got. I ended up calling my brother and telling him about it and asking him how I should handle it, and he got in his car to come get me before I even finished telling him what all had happened.
Him freaking out more than anything else made me realize that I wasn’t overreacting. I didn’t tell my boyfriend I was leaving until my brother was parked on the street and I just walked out with a few things.
So now I’m in a messy breakup situation where he’s already tried to come by my moms house even though I told him I didn’t want to see him and that I’d get my stuff eventually, both from his parents house where he’s currently at and his actual house.
Things are gonna be weird to figure out but I just wanted to let you guys know that I’m totally okay, thank you. I can’t reply to everyone who reached out/messaged so I hope you guys see this and know I appreciate it.
Let's see what readers thought about this update:
dreamtexer writes:
your boyfriend is a psychopath and the only thing i dont get is that he actually told you, im guessing he is experimenting to see what happens. in future he may not tell and just abuse.
not just you but everyone he tries it on. he is also experimenting with boundaries and seeing if he can make you think it is 'normal', if he can 'normalize' it and so make his abuse easier for him to continue and to scale it up.
i'd say to you to report it if you can and if you feel strong or safe enough to, maybe take a -real, true, friend or family with you. and definitely move away from that entirely. how long ago was it. it may still show on blood test.
and in any case to just report it even as it is. that this happened, so that there is a beginning of a record of it. there will be more you can be sure, with you and with others. only hope is that there is enough record over time that he can be put in jail in future. it is not solution but that is how it usually goes.
he will do horrendous things until caught. then spend some time in jail if convicted. then go out and do all over again. there must be a better system to deal with psychos and the trail of damage they make to so many.
twogingercats writes:
Wow that is a criminal act, and it goes without saying that it’s way out of line. As a doctor myself I get incredibly concerned hearing about this.
I cannot stress enough how dangerous it is with someone with no medical knowledge (I assume he doesn’t have that) slipping medicine to other people without knowing the risks, side-effects, farmacodinamia or basic bodily physiology.
Whenever a doctor meets a patients and prescribed a drug it’s after careful evaluation of the persons medical history, weighing pros and cons (side-effects vs wanted effect) and if this drug is right for THIS person.
Even if it’s over-the-counter (which Benadryl isn’t in the country where I practice and for good reason I think, it has a lot of undesired side effects in the body) it could be very dangerous.
Either he genuinely doesn’t realise how dangerous it is or he’s just not that concerned with the consequences it could have on your health. Somehow I hope for the first even though that wouldn’t exactly be a great testimony to his character either.
I don’t know what to say. It’s criminal, it shows a dangerous lack of empathy and judgement, seems hugely immature, and is clearly indredibly respectless to you. Honestly I’m not a fan of the typical reddit “dump-him-train” that seems to be the answer to anything here.
But he’s crossed a line by so far that I don’t think there’s any coming back from this. There’s nothing he can do to make up for this. And I think you might want to talk to the police. This reveals very scary things about his personality. A person who’s in the state of mind to drug someone and commit a crime, what else is he capable of?