'AITA for snapping at my sister that 'she'll choke on her jealousy one day?'' UPDATED
"AITA for snapping at my sister that 'she'll choke on her jealousy one day?'"
I'm 21F and I have 2 siblings. My sister is 24 and engaged. My brother is 28 and married to my sister in law who is 25. My parents hosted a family luncheon to celebrate my sister's engagement at their house. I went early to help them set up, my brother and sister in law a little bit later then everyone else. My sister and her fiancé arrived last.
Everything was going well and everyone was happy until my sister got a text and pulled me aside. She asked me if I could go outside and meet a friend of hers who's going to drop off something off for her. I did. The "something" was a big ball of pure happiness, a Saint Bernard dog with a cute little formal tie around his neck.
As adorable as he was, I couldn't bring him in because my sister in law is allergic. Her allergy is not severe but still. Everyone in the family knows of it. I told the friend to please wait while I talk to my sister, she did not. I texted my sister that I can't bring him inside. She texted that it was fine, to bring it in because it's a surprise and he's the newest addition to the family.
I insisted that I can't then I texted my brother about it because it had been 10 minutes, I'm standing in the driveway with a big doggie that would not stop licking my legs, not knowing what to do.
From what I was told, inside, my brother pulled my sister aside and asked her not to bring the dog in. That she knows his wife is allergic. She refused, saying that it's an open space, that sister in law will be fine. He then told her the news that sister in law is pregnant. (I already knew and they were waiting until she passed her first trimester.)
My sister then went outside, dragged the dog and then me in when I resisted. My brother, seeing this, excused himself and left with sister in law. We tried resuming the lunch after that but it was awkward at best. When my sister and her fiancé cut the cake, she grabbed her glass of champagne to make a toast.
The "toast" was her rambling about how selfish my brother and his wife were, that they couldn't let her have one day to herself and had to ruin and overshadow it. That they were not the first or last couple to get pregnant. Both of my parents tried to shush her but she was on a roll and went on to call sister in law an attention seeker that just had to give the family the first grandchild.
I finally had enough and told her that green isn't a good look on her and that she was going to choke on her jealousy one day. Then I got up and left. She called me a b on my way out. My mom called me after and told me that it was a bit harsh even if she was harsher.
She also suggested that the three of us (siblings) talk it out after things settle a bit. My dad is staying neutral. I haven't heard from relatives that were at the luncheon. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
carr1esweet said:
NTA. Your sister was incredibly out of line here. Bringing a dog to an event where she knew someone was allergic, especially when that person is pregnant, is irresponsible and thoughtless. She then made things worse by lashing out and accusing your brother and his wife of trying to steal her spotlight, which they weren't doing at all.
They simply left to avoid a situation that could have harmed your sister-in-law’s health. Your comment, while sharp, was in response to your sister's jealousy and cruel remarks. She hijacked her own engagement celebration by acting immature and insensitive.
Cloud9_Forest said:
Of course NTA. But just like your sister, your father is TA too. He is conveniently staying neutral as he hates his responsibility of educating his children. Tell him in his face too to start be a man and do his job as a parent. Not just doing it when it is fun and happy, but also when it is painful.
Sorry, I just hate this kind of father who always be neutral all the time cause he can’t be bothered. You were sure harsh, but I won’t be playing around about the health of a pregnant woman.
Mystralchan said:
NTA. Your sister is gross. Calling you a b is not what family does. She's trashy and I hope you send her this thread tho she'll never adnit to being wrong. Hope she doesn't ask you to be MoH or a bridesmaid cause I would never tolerate that disrespect towards you and your SIL.
KickOk5591 said:
NTA. Your sister should be considerate of her sil and she had already burnt one bridge, let her burn all the bridges then her fiancé might leave her.
Mysterious-Region640 said:
NTA. But I’m confused about who the dog was actually for. If the sister is engaged, that means she’s gonna be leaving home so is it her dog? If she got a dog for her parents that’s weird to get a big dog for somebody as a surprise gift. Or did she just do it to divert the attention onto herself because she already knew the sister-in-law was pregnant? I’m so confused.
Otherwise-Ad9235 said:
NTA- you did nothing wrong, and your sister is being a selfish brat.
TreadmillGangster said:
NTA Your dad is gutless if he won't call this what it is.
About 5 weeks later OP came back with this update:
Hi guys! It's been around a month or so and tbh I don't have that much of an update but a lot of people have been asking me about the doggie and it's easier than telling people individually so here it is!
First things first, the update on my siblings situation- My brother and SIL have gone LC with my sister until they get a proper apology, which hasn't happened yet but I think it will happen soon? My sister has been talking to my mom about wanting to be in our future nephew/niece's life so there's that at least.
Also, my SIL is officially out of her first trimester and she and the baby are healthy and thriving thankfully!She has been having a bit of a hard time when it comes to smells and pregnancy stuff but I think that's to be expected. (Don't come at me, just from what I've read) We've also been planning a gender reveal party for next month so we're just focusing on the positive stuff for now.
As for my sister and I, I did send her an apology for how harsh I was with her at the party and she accepted it and apologized for calling me a bitch but it's been so damn weird when it comes to our dynamic, especially since she's suddenly all up in my business about who I'm sleeping with- but that's another issue.
Now for the awaited update- Barkley. Turns out the big fluffball has an adorable bark, one you wouldn't expect when seeing him, hence his name.
As some of you predicted, my sister was not up for the massive job that is taking care of a St.Bernard and a week and a half after the party, she called and asked me to find him another home (I volunteer at a shelter and know a lot of people who would love to adopt)
I honestly wanted to keep him myself because I've grown attached but I live in an apartment rn and not only would it be impossible, it would also be cruel to keep him cooped up like that.
Luckily, a friend of a friend has the space for him to be happy and safe and took him in with the promise of letting me see him whenever we're both free and now I get random pics and videos of Barkley in his element all happy and bark fighting with the guy's next door neighbor's Yorkie (don't worry, there's fences between them)
Sooo yeah, just wanted to say thank you guys for all the advice and opinions, I appreciate all of you 🫰🏼
Here's what people had to say after the update:
"Barkley in his element all happy and bark fighting with the guy's next door neighbor's Yorkie (don't worry, there's fences between them)." I mean, I'm more worried about the other neighbors who have to listen to that, but seems like things at least worked out for Barkley!
I get your concern, but from what I've seen of the guy's neighborhood (went to check it out and meet him first) it's a lot of families and most of the kids have pets (cats/dogs and a parrot- guy's intel) so it seems like they're used to pet noises
Dog tax please. Of Barkley and his nemesis if Yorkie's owner will allow it
A St. Bernard vs. a Yorkie? Let me guess, the Yorkie is firmly convinced they're the bigger dog.