Woman asks stranger to 'stop snorting' at a restaurant, 'mind your own business, little lady.' AITA?

"AITA for telling a guy sitting next to me to stop snorting at a restaurant?"

I (45 female) recently was eating dinner with a good friend and former neighbor who moved away 6 months ago. We had been there for approximately 20-25 minutes. We were talking and laughing and being pretty quiet for a noisy restaurant since we both do a kind of “silent laugh” - one of the things we have in common.

We were just served when the man (older guy about 65 maybe) sitting at the table next to us had finished his meal. He was waiting for his check and looking at his cell phone. When all of the sudden, he started making sucking noises (like my grandparents used to, to clean their teeth) and then he snorted.

And it wasn’t just one snort, it was multiple and deep each time. It literally echoed off the walls. Now the first time, I let it go and didn’t say anything but had to fight gagging. I happen to have an extremely sensitive gag reflex. And sounds like that can get me started. Meaning up to starting to vomit.

Not only that if I make my way to the bathroom it is like my brain says “ok let loose” and I always loose it. So I stopped talking, turned my head and did breathing exercises to try to not go down that rabbit hole. I just got “cleared” and we were chatting and eating again when he did it again. So again the same process.

But this time I gave him a “look." Because I am not his mom and he is old enough to know manners (whether he knows them or not...well obviously not). He clearly didn’t care or didn’t understand why I gave him an angry grin. Not too long after that he did it again! And if it happened a 4th time I would not make it to the bathroom.

And not only that he was ruining my meal. So after getting myself through plugging my ears and humming I asked him to please stop snorting. He looked at me and said, “mind your own business little lady. I am enjoying my meal like everyone else here.” I replied with, “well if you do it again I will puke and make sure I do it on you.”

He looked really angry and I instantly felt like a teenager being a brat for that reply. I almost said sorry when he got his check. He signed it and left. I had to take breaks because I had waves of feeling like I was going to start gagging. I did make it through but almost lost it when I got outside on the walk to my car.

I was raised to be polite despite the situation and I normally am but I almost ruined dinner for everyone had I not been able to calm that reflex. That “little lady” comment had me seeing red! Needless to say, not my most mature moment. AITA for chastising him? Or should I have tried to make it to the bathroom knowing I wouldn’t have made it?

EDITS:

I am aware of misophonia. The volume of these snorts was quite literally reverberating off the walls, and my friend agreed it was way over the top and offensive for a restaurant. So it’s not just me, and not misophonia. The teeth sucking.. was more in line with an annoying noise.

The request was calm and though I didn’t quote it, I was calm and polite and asked please. Several have posted “he could have health issues” to which if he had done it while he was eating, I would have just paid for my drinks and left!

Some people have “ticks” that they can’t help like clicking or Tourette’s. This was not a “tick”. It was after he was done eating and seemed to be part of a “post meal ritual” that I truly believe someone has point out to him in the past given his reply.

I see that I was wrong in threatening to puke on him. I was so irritated about the “little lady” comment. Again not my finest moment. But I shouldn’t have to leave because of someone else being so offensive and lacking etiquette that their actions are literally reverberating through the room.

I didn’t know if he had ordered dessert… so I didn’t know how long we all had to listen to this cacophony, when I asked him. He hadn’t received the check yet. My gag reflex, though sensitive, has NEVER been challenged like this in a restaurant. Never once.

So it’s not so sensitive that I shouldn’t expose myself to the possibility of noises in public. I do have methods to calm it. This was excessive and in all my life has never happened like this.

Here's what people had to say about this one:

ElGato6666 said:

When people are in restaurants, there are certain behaviors that are to be expected. One of them is not making weird unpleasant noises that other people have to deal with. NTA. If the guy has some sort of medical condition, he should've gone to the washroom or stepped outside to take care of it.

Fluffy-Hovercraft-53 said:

NTA. People need to behave in restaurants. And this patronizing "little lady" attitude - good for you to stand your ground.

CimoreneQueen said:

NTA. I do not have a strong gag reflex/ am not easily triggered to vomit, and I would also be appalled, disgusted, and shocked by someone snorting loudly multiple times after their meal.

Honestly, it's enough of a breach of public etiquette (especially the situation you've described: otherwise quiet restaurant with a few scattered diners having discreet conversations, and then all of a sudden this guy starts snorting loudly enough that it "reverberates the walls")...

That I would probably get the nervous giggles in that situation and be trying to smother tears of laughter with each successive snort instead of vomit. Regardless, such an unusual and attention-drawing behavior is going to occasionally draw attention and reactions, no matter how determined people are to ignore their fellow diners.

DaisyOfTheDawn said:

NTA. People here saying YTA might have a problem with him hacking up and spitting on the floor or sneezing out into the air but not snorting? Wheres the line? None of these things are appropriate where food is served. I sometimes have health problems and need to do this but I take it to the bathroom where it's meant to be dealt with.

Chance_Encounter00 said:

NTA. There’s certain things you can’t do in a private business and if that business is a restaurant you absolutely can’t do anything gross. If he even came in without a shirt or shoes I’d think he would have denied service for the same reason. Letting loose and snorting your snot is probably on that same list I would think. He could have excused himself to the washroom to clean it up and done it there.

Minute-Set-4931 said:

YTA and your entire behavior is over the top dramatic. If you can't handle eating around others, eat at home or ask for a private dining room. Threatening to vomit on others is out of line and you should have been kicked out of the restaurant at that point for threatening other patrons.

laughinglovinglivid said:

YTA. It was none of your business. The guy was waiting for his cheque, he was about to leave. He could have had a myriad of health problems that had made him need to sniffle. If your stomach is that sensitive and getting yourself to a bathroom is weirdly impossible for you, that’s something you need to see a mental health professional or medical professional about.

Worth-Juice1188 said:

YTA It doesn't sound like he was bothering anyone else. It was a trigger to something specific to you. Instead of managing your own trigger, you took it out on him. Why not simply ask to be moved to another table away from him?

imnvs_runvs said:

ESH. First, let's address his patronizing comment of "little lady". Yes, that makes him an AH because he's put on full display his sexism. Also, once knowing he was making you uncomfortable he could have been apologetic and tried not to do so going forward, but, well, he didn't.

However, sucking and snorting sounds? You don't give any understandable context on volume or what was so disgusting about these sounds that it made you literally have to fight your gag reflex and avoid vomiting. So, if you are this prone to vomiting in public it begs the question, why are you even in public???

Some people aren't going to live up to your standards, and if it is such a risk that you'll vomit by being around such people, perhaps you should be getting take-out and eating in a private, comfortable and controlled space where you know you won't have such a reaction.

Additionally, threatening to vomit on him if you have such a reaction? That was absolutely a step too far. If you'd just asked him to try to restrain himself because he was affecting your meal, I would have given you a different verdict, but no, threatening to vomit on him if he didn't stop?

So no, you weren't an AH for confronting him, but you were for how you did it. He was also an AH for how he handled the situation after being confronted. Nobody is a winner here.