Woman tells friend that she should've seen her husband's affair coming, 'I warned her.' AITA?
"AITAH for telling my friend she should have seen her husband and her friend's affair coming?"
Background: I (35f) was friends with Julia (35f) and Alex (34f). We have been friends since college but our tiny group expanded from 3 to 7. This story is about Julia and Alex. 2 year ago, we all came to know that Alex was having an affair with a married man.
Her excuse was that he was unhappy that is why he is seeking outside validation. I advised her to stop it and this is not healthy because he will not leave his wife. She didn't listen. Rather, she accused me of being a bad friend. All of my friends were against it but to them it was "not my monkey, not my circus."
So, I contacted the wife and told her everything. I knew who the wife was because the married man once introduced us. And everyone in my friend group turned against me. Especially Julia because she thinks I betrayed my friends.
She stopped talking to me because if I can betray a close friend of mine then I can betray her as well. Alex was heartbroken because the married man decided he wanted to work on his marriage so he broke things off with Alex. Julia was with Alex and I was shunned from our group.
What happened now: Few weeks ago, I got a call from Julia. She was crying and telling me that Alex betrayed her. She has been having an affair with her husband. And that she is heartbroken because she has supported her and this is how she repays her. Even our friend group is divided. I was angry at that moment. I mean she ignored me for 2 years.
Bad mouthed me. Said that I was wrong. I literally warned her that Alex was toxic. So I told her that she should have expected this from Alex. I mean did she really think she will show loyalty towards you when she already did something immoral before?
I knew the moment she made excuses of having an affair with a married man, her morals were compromised. I am not religious but I do have minimum respect towards other people and their feelings. And suffice to say I am not surprised she went after her husband.
I do think I went too far. Because some of my other friends said I was too harsh on her. Even if what I said was the truth I should have been more sensitive because she is going through a divorce.
I do sympathize with Julia but I also feel like as friends sometimes we need to tell them the harsh truth. I know I said all of this when I was angry. But a part of me says she needed to hear that. Was I wrong?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
HoldFastO2 said:
NTA. She's responsible for ostracizing you from the group because she'd rather support the cheater, then comes to you for sympathy when that backfires on her? You're better off without these "friends."
CarpeCyprinidae said:
NTA, what you tolerate is what you are. Cheating undermines everyone and makes cheater-apologists of those who know but do nothing. You have been consistent to your standards, those who criticise it really are critiquing their own ethics.
DrunkTides said:
Nta. You had no loyalty because you pointed out someone’s disloyalty..? Fkn gold !! The chick my ex cheated on me with actually cried to me that he cheated on her. People are fkn funny hey.
Vegetable-Cod-2340 said:
NTA. You don't get to ignore me for two years, and then call me up and expect my support. I needed support two years ago and you shunned me?!!?! Op told everyone who Alex was, no one believed her, that's on them.
Tricky-Temporary-777 said:
NTA and you're better then me because I would've laughed in her face, called her an idiot, and hung up the phone. They treated you like dirt after what Alex did. They cut out a true and moral friend for a woman dedicated to being a mistress. Julia got what she deserved.