Woman tells future sister-in-law the truth: 'here's why our family doesn't like you.' AITA?
"AITA for telling my brother’s fiancée the truth about why our family doesn’t like her?"
So, I (28F) have a younger brother, “Mike” (26M), who got engaged to his girlfriend “Rachel” (25F) about six months ago. From the outside, Rachel seems like a nice enough person—she’s polite, friendly, and gets along with most people. But here’s the thing: our entire family cannot stand her. And it’s not for the reasons you’d think.
It all started when she met our family for the first time. My parents have a pretty quirky sense of humor, and we all tease each other a lot. It’s all in good fun, but Rachel took everything super seriously. She’d get offended at harmless jokes and would sulk whenever someone teased her, even in the lightest way. We thought maybe she just needed time to get used to us, but it only got worse.
At every family gathering, she’d find a way to make everything about her. If someone talked about their job, she’d jump in with a story about how hard her work is. If we were sharing funny childhood stories, she’d cut in to talk about how tough her childhood was, even though we were just joking around. She even tried to change our traditional holiday plans because they didn’t “fit her vibe.”
The final straw came when she tried to “improve” my mom’s cooking by adding her own spices to a dish at Thanksgiving. My mom’s a great cook, and this did not go over well. Rachel acted like she was doing us a favor, but it was really just insulting.
After months of this, Mike finally asked me why our family was being distant with Rachel. I was honest and told him that while we all tried to like her, she’s been stepping on everyone’s toes since day one. I mentioned how she doesn’t seem to respect our family’s dynamic and how her behavior at family gatherings has been pretty off-putting.
Well, Mike told Rachel everything I said, and she lost it. She called me crying, saying I’ve ruined her relationship with our family and that she doesn’t feel welcome anymore. My brother is now furious with me, saying I should have just kept my mouth shut. My parents are staying out of it, but they don’t disagree with what I said.
Now, Rachel is demanding an apology, but I’m torn. I was just trying to be honest with my brother, but now I feel like I’ve caused a huge rift. AITA for telling my brother the truth about why our family doesn’t like his fiancée? AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
BlueGreen_1956 said:
YTA. "She’d get offended at harmless jokes." You mean jokes that YOU think are harmless. Your whole family sound like a bunch of aholes. Maybe it all worked out for the best. Rachel needs to run for the hills. I'm sure after she ends it with your brother, you can come up with a few jokes to cheer him up.
pinkvictimxxx said:
None of those sound like reasons to put your foot in your mouth. I don't get it. So, your family has had to evolve because not everyone is like you guys and she wanted to feel included and not picked on? THAT'S the major malfunction? Your family sounds defensive. YTA.
alv269 said:
NTA. You were having an honest conversation with your brother about your feelings. You did not ruin any relationships. Your brother is the one that needs to accept the blame here, as he's the one that told her and likely didn't frame things in a very constructive way. That or she is one of those people who needs to be the main character and cannot take criticism...hard to say which.
No-Plantain6767 said:
YTA. Your family sounds like jerks. My guess is she was trying to find a way to fit in and to bring value to the family. Your brother Mike is an idiot. No way he should have shared everything you said.
Andee_SC2 said:
NTA...My brother once dared to ask me if I even liked his wife. Bold. She is known in our family as "the puppet master" ... and we're not talking cute Muppets. My SIL is an evil, manipulative woman who systematically cut out his friends and then his family. The truth hurts, but some people really need to hear it bluntly. You did your brother a favor, he's better off knowing right now.
CoCoaStitchesArt said:
Yta. She tried so hard to fit in, including contributing to the conversations?? Like that's normal to share stuff that's being talked about?? Not everyone likes being teased, aka bullied, especially when they just met. The only thing was her trying to impress you aholes with improving your mom's cooking, but she's trying to fit in. You guys are just aholes to outsiders.
Confident-Simple9339 said:
NTA: "Mike told Rachel everything." If he expected blowback, he should have kept his mouth shut. Since he didn't, he wants to make you out as the troublemaker.
MrSlabBulkhead said:
ESH. It sounds like you and your family are bullying and refuse to feel empathy over bad things she has gone through, but she shouldn’t have messed with the Thanksgiving meal in an attempt to impress.
Veilchengerd said:
ESH. Your "sense of humor" is in all likelihood a thinly veiled excuse for bullying behavior. Especially since you lot didn't stop when you found out she didn't like it.