Woman tells husband in severe pain to 'suck it up' like he told her during childbirth. AITA? UPDATED
"AITA for telling my husband to 'suck it up for a while' when he was suffering due to kidney stone as he did the same while I was in labor pain?"
So I (26f) and my husband(32M) welcomed our baby boy about a year ago. It was my first pregnancy and honestly was pretty rough. The labor pain was incredibly severe. Still I wanted natural delievery so I went thru all of it.
Due to the severe pain I couldn't control and was screaming and crying. My husband, who hasn't slept the whole night, got agitated by the screaming and said to me to "just try to suck it up a bit instead of screaming like this." I honestly cried because of his comment and the pain. The baby was born some hours later and we sort of forgot the incident.
A few days ago my husband felt sudden pain in his stomach and it only got more severe, to the point we had to take him to the hospital at that moment. The doctor did a few check ups and told us he had kidney stone and needs treatment. Since the pain was so severe, my husband got painkiller shots.
Even during that, he was screaming at the top of his lungs. At that moment I got petty, and since I was already fussy from sleeplessness due to taking care of a toddler, I said to my husband "can't you just suck it up for a while? Why are you shouting so much?" He was shocked and then later remained quiet.
When we went home he was still quiet and when asked, he told me how insensitive I was and he felt so bad. To this when I reminded him of the time when he said the same thing. Now he is angry and calling me petty and that he didn't mean anything, but I had malicious reasons. So AITA?
EDIT:
To all the people asking if we love each other? Yes we do. It wasn't like I held onto what he said to me, however in that moment everything was so similar to that time that I remembered that incident and in the spur of the moment I said it to him. I did not ask him to go out of the delievery room or make a big deal about it that time because even tho I was hurt I understood his sentiments as well.
Stress from work, sleeplessness, overwhelming feeling of being a parent for the first time and a constantly screaming wife can really mess with a person. I didn't want to keep him away from being the witness of his child's birth or ruin his later moments with the baby just because of that.
Was it a childish thing to say? Yes, but that does not mean we didn't fulfill our responsibilities. He took care of me and did everything a dad should, and I did everything for him likewise.
No we are not going to divorce each other for such silly banters. It's not like we always fight or act petty, if I wanted to be real petty then I could have done a lot of other things as well, but that wasn't my intention. Yes we have childish conversations sometimes but they are usually funny banters. It is one of the very few times where I wanted to come and get some insight.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
galaxymalone said:
You were petty, but damn well justified! Tell him your pettiness stems from how you have never forgotten how he spoke to you when you were at your most vulnerable. How’d he like them apples??? NTA!
SunShineShady said:
NTA. Keep reminding him that you pushed a baby out. A kidney stone is tiny. He’s the petty one, not you.
AnnoyedPricklyPrick said:
Ha ha! I could see my wife doing exactly this sort of thing, if she were in that situation, so I'll go with NTA. Was it a mature or kind decision? Not really, so I suppose it makes you a little mean, but hopefully he will quit wallowing in self-pity and realize that dismissing the pain of someone one claims to love is beyond callous and was wrong of him.
Panaccolade said:
NTA. My husband has had kidney stones and they're so painful. I'm glad I never had one, frankly. They sound like they suck. However, what did your husband expect was going to happen?
That you'd sit and coddle his pain when he invalidated yours? No sir, what's good for the goose is good for the gander. His intent in saying that doesn't matter. It was malicious even if he meant it well, though I genuinely cannot see a scenario where "suck it up" can be meant well in that situation.
StringPhoenix said:
NTA girlfriend! I don’t have experience giving birth, but I have had kidney stones and I’ve been told the pain is comparable. And you went through yours without meds! How the tables turn.
CelebrationNext3003 said:
NTA and the pettiness was justified, what he said to you during labor was very insensitive being that you were pushing a whole human out your body
Individual_You_6586 said:
NTA. NO man in his right mind tells a woman in labor to “suck it up!” And him being grumpy now, is clearly a bit of what gives men their man flu: the self-centered attitude of thinking that their feelings are bigger and more important than everyone else’s.
UPDATE:
Little update for you all since many jumped into craziest conclusions. I went to my husband and apologized. He said I don't have to, and he was not angry just embarassed. We talked about it and actually found it quite funny.
Sure he was acting like he is angry, but that just means he rolled his eyes at me and had an expression like- "you serious?" So yeah he does not hate me neither do I hate him. I will be preparing a nice dinner for all since past days have been exhausting and my husband needs a good treat as well. So yeah nothing too crazy as some of you expected.