Woman tells MIL 'your son is spending Thanksgiving with his new family.' AITA?

"AITA for telling my MIL that my husband is spending Thanksgiving with his 'new' family?"

31F. I’m married to my husband Elliot (33M) and am pregnant with our first baby. Our daughter is due the week after Thanksgiving and we’re both incredibly excited. Elliot and I are actually from the same hometown, but we moved across the country when I got into my dream grad school.

To be honest, his parents weren’t happy about him moving for me, and always said I was talking him away from the family and that he shouldn’t “give up his dreams” for me. Luckily, Elliot stood up for me and told his parents that he saw a future with me and wanted to be in the same city as me. I also don’t know how he was “giving up his dreams” when the city is actually the best place in the USA to be for his career.

We ended up loving the city, and staying there after I graduated. It was beneficial for both of our careers and we now have a great group of friends. Elliot’s parents have gotten better over the years, but I’ve never felt fully comfortable around them and always get the sense that they’re upset we moved away.

For our entire marriage, we've flown home to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with our families. But given that my due date is the week after Thanksgiving this year, we obviously planned on staying home and celebrating together. Yesterday, my MIL called and told me about a conversation she had with Elliot.

I guess she called him earlier in the week, and asked when he was flying home for Thanksgiving. Elliot said that I can’t fly when my due date is a week away, and my MIL said he could still fly out for a few days. Elliot refused because he didn’t want to leave me.

He said he wants to celebrate Thanksgiving with me and feels uncomfortable leaving when I’m so close to my due date since the baby could come early. I learned all this from my MIL because Elliot never told me about the conversation. He said he didn’t tell me because the request was insane, and he didn’t want me to worry about it with everything else going on.

My MIL asked if me if I’d tell Elliot he should fly home to spend time with his parents and sisters. I told my MIL that I want him to spend time with his family, but also, I want my husband with me when I’m in the final stage of pregnancy. I also don’t want to be alone on Thanksgiving, since my family is on the other side of the country.

My MIL told me that I see Elliot all the time, and the holidays are the time he gets to spend with his family. She also said that I was the one who wanted to move away, and so I should accept that there will be times when Elliot and I don’t spend the holidays together because he has an obligation to fly home and spend that time with his family.

I tried to tell her that I don’t feel comfortable, but she kept going on and on about how she wants to see her son on Thanksgiving and how family is the most important thing. I interrupted, and said she’s welcome to visit us, but Elliot and I are both going to be home on Thanksgiving and also Christmas since we’ll have a newborn.

I told her that since she values family so much, she should be happy that she raised a son who prioritizes his wife and child, since we’re his family now. I said that Elliot is doing the right thing by putting his "new" family first at this stage of his life. This set my MIL off, and she said I was being selfish and possessive.

She said that her biggest fear when we got married was that I would take him away from his family, and I’m doing just that. She seemed especially upset that I referred to us as Elliot's "new" family. I told her she needs to take it up with Elliot and got off the phone.

When I told Elliot about the conversation, he was furious to say the least. He told me that his mom is being unreasonable and assured me he’d take care of it. I’m glad he’s sticking up for me, but I’ve been sad all day. I’m not trying to keep my husband away from his family, but also, I don’t want to spend Thanksgiving alone when I’m so pregnant.

I also want him here in case I go into labor early. I feel bad that they miss him and won’t get to see him for the holidays this year, especially when I’m the reason we moved. With that being said, there’s nothing stopping them from coming here. AITA?

Also, the funniest thing is that my MIL came to the USA from England, and so I don’t know why Thanksgiving is such a big deal to her LMAO.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

banson961119 said:

NTA. It’s your best and most honest option to do this.

_coffee_ said:

Certainly NTA. You were absolutely right to invite her to visit. I'm surprised she didn't offer to do so anyway, what with you being an expectant mother. Doesn't she want to see her grandchild right away? No, she just wants to impose herself onto you and remind you that (in her mind) you're the second most important person woman in her son's life.

RJack151 said:

NTA. You two have visited for years and are starting a family. Time for MIL to pay up and come to you. Glad that your husband is standing up for his family/you.

Fredredphooey said:

NTA. She's only making it a big deal because it's an opportunity to villify you and make you feel bad. She doesn't care about Thanksgiving per se. Stop feeling guilty. If your MIL actually wanted to see her son, she would get on a plane. She only wants to see him if it's convenient for her.

Tight_Cheetah_4474 said:

NTA. You are right. When you guys got married and started having kids you became top priority and his mother/family of orgin become extended. That's the way it's supposed to be. She's having a hard time with that but that's on her because what she is asking for is impossible. She's asking for your husband to remain #1 and that's over. Let him handle her unreasonable expectations.

Cursd818 said:

NTA. You're not new family, you're immediate family. His mother is now extended family. She can be butthurt about that all she wants, but it's a fact, and she either needs to get on board or keep her opinion to herself. Your husband needs to really chew her out for having the audacity to talk to you that way.

This all stems from her looking at her son as a possession, as an extension of herself, rather than as an independent person. You can't steal a person, only a possession. It is natural and healthy for a child to outgrow their parent and prioritise their own children. And the parents who encourage that are normally the parents who see more of their adult children.

Your MIL needs to understand that she is not the most important woman in his life anymore, and never will be again. She is not in charge anymore. Mothers who feel possessive this way about their children are often extremely territorial and pushy about being grandparents.

It's essential that she learn, before the baby arrives, that her behavior will never be tolerated again. She can either try to be a part of your family, or she can be a threat to your family. But those are her only options.

adorableconstance said:

You're in the final stages of pregnancy, and it’s entirely reasonable to want your husband by your side during Thanksgiving, especially since you could go into labor at any moment. You deserve his support and companionship during this time.

AffableBella said:

NTA. You’re definitely not the AH here. Your husband has made a clear choice to prioritize being with you during the final stages of your pregnancy, which is not only practical but also a show of love and commitment to the family you’re building together.

It’s natural for you to want him close in case you go into labor early, and Thanksgiving is a time to be with family, but that family now includes you and your soon-to-arrive daughter.