'AITA for saying 'no wonder your husband left you' to my older sister?' UPDATED
"AITA for saying 'no wonder your husband left you' to my older sister?"
I am a (26F) and am very happily married with my husband who is 30M. My sister (34F) is married to a man who cheated on her, took her gold jewelry, and left her at 8 months pregnant, and left their 4 year old.
From the start of mine and my sister's relationship, we've have had problems, we have NEVER been close. We always argued, over the smallest of things. But ever since I have been married, it's just got worse, in my opinion.
To cut a long story short, my sister and I didn't speak for almost 2 years and during these 2 years, I got engaged, married and now live 3 hours away, with my in laws, away from my side of the family.
I was told not asked, that I needed to help my older sister with the baby and her 4 year old for a week, whilst my father is away on holiday. (My father lives close to my older sister and helps her with the kids normally). I agreed, since I have been out of work and my husband was also willing to accompany me, as he was able to take a few days off to help and work the rest of the days from home.
We have had a nice week so far, (me and my husband would get up early in the morning to help with the kids and stay at my sisters house until around 6pm each evening, which then we would leave to go back to my Dad's house, as the kids would go to bed). We have done countless favors for her during this past week, from my husband mowing her grass, to picking up the 4 year old from school, etc.
Every single day this week, my older sister has mentioned (as she always does when I come to visit) about my weight. (She had also put on weight since I saw her last, I've seen her eating habits and she eats for 2 people, she's obese herself). When I leave to return to my in laws I always come away from my side of the family feeling absolutely shite and upset about myself.
I am no skinny girl, far from it, I have struggled with my weight for years. I hate the person I see when I look at myself in the mirror. But yesterday, my sister was aggressively pushing me for an answer and we ended up falling out.
We started off by watching a TV program which I commented on how someone in the show had lost so much weight. She asked me why I didn't want to lose weight and why I'm so lazy and that I'm not doing anything about it.
(I wanted advice off my sister about kids etc so I asked her subtle questions this past week and on previous occasions, for example on how she tracked her cycle etc and even told her I had suffered a pregnancy loss 2 weeks ago to which she just offered a few words "I'm sorry to hear that").
But me and my sister are sitting watching Tv and she starts to talk to me about losing weight and looking good. She then insults me by calling me ugly, says I struggle to get off the sofa and tells me that I'm lazy. I fall silent because my heart was beginning to race, I could feel a panic attack coming on, so rather antagonize I stayed silent.
(I don't like to talk back because I've been told by my dad not to say anything to her because we always argued, and that she is going through something right now, and it was not a comfortable conversation to have with someone I'm not close with).
Anyway, she continued to ask why I was being so selfish to my future children and selfish as to my future babies wouldn't be healthy. She then continued and asked why I'm angry, and I said to her calmly "I don't think you know when I'm angry."
She said "I do because you go quiet." I told her idk what she wanted me to say. She said I'm lazy and could have gone for walks while I was here or could have done something else. She said I don't do anything about my weight.
I have made changes this year big changes which I know myself and my husband supports me too, and tbh because I don't want to speak to my family about my problems (they don't ask me anyway), I don't feel comfortable speaking to them about things, so why would I share anything with them? I said to her...
I've been making changes, and that if we continue this conversation, we will argue, (it was clear by her tone that it was headed that way), she laughed and said im not arguing I'm having a conversation (but this was not a conversation that i wanted to engage with so I stayed silent).
I told her this isn't a conversation I'm comfortable with having with her. She said sometimes you have to be uncomfortable to have these conversations. She then lied and said, that our Dad has asked her to speak to me about my weight. Which is a lie because my dad knows that we argue over the smallest things. My panic attack was brewing. I could feel it.
But when I mentioned I have been changing my ways, she laughed. (Her voice is getting louder and it's like she's shouting at me, bearing in mind she's holding her 6month old in her arms who is asleep.) I said to her "because you live with me, you know what I'm doing right?"
She said "I've seen you sat here on the sofa all week." I then said: "I've been sat here to help you out, I've made myself available for you this week, I'm here for you and the kids." She got super angry and said: "I will never ask you for help again, I knew this was coming from you, I knew you would throw it in my face, I knew it. Even if I am struggling, I will never ask you again."
She continued, "you've said so much crap to me that I thought you know what, I'll forgive them because they love my kids." I immediately apologized and said to her she took that the wrong way, I did not say it to her like I was throwing it in her face. But she didn't want to hear it, she was shouting over me the same things she said before.
I also told her she's said enough to me over the years and that she always starts off an argument over the same subject...my weight. (Even last time we fell out, we argued over the same thing.) She asked me '"what have I said to you?" (When we stopped playing over the course of the 2 years, my sister told me that "I probably asked to get assaulted. My ex seriously violated me, cut a long story short.)
I told her, she said this and she laughed and said "you're a BSer." I was shocked. I sat there, stunned. All this time I was scrolling through pictures on my phone and I put my phone down and stopped everything. I was just in pure shock. I said to her, I don't want to continue this conversation because I'm having a panic attack.
She then chuckled and said "omg here we go again." I walked out the room and my husband was in a meeting in another room but upstairs. I went to my husband and told him we were leaving. He immediately hugged me and saw I was having a panic attack.
My husband trying to comfort me, hugging me to calm me down. My sister comes to to the room while I'm still having my panic attack, and starts shouting at my husband, "I'm her older sister I can say what I want to her." My husband shut the door in my sisters face as he's trying to calm me down, my sister slams it back open and shouts at him "no one disrespects me in my house."
My husband then tells her, "I'm trying to calm her down, please leave." Sister: "this is my house, I can do what I want." To be honest, at this point my husband and my sister seem to be having an argument, I'm in a panicked state, I can't seem to concentrate on anything, all I'm doing is crying and panicking trying to control myself.
All I can hear is my sister then starting on my husband saying "she's always done this, she's a liar. You can't be so soft with her, (speaking to my husband) she needs to be told." (BTW my husband is softly spoken and gentle, he raised his voice slightly as she was going ballistic).
All I remember is I needed to be sick, so I run to the toilet and start being sick. My husband comes after me and I'm violently shaking whilst vomiting. My sister says to my husband "just because you and your brother aren't close" my husband got angry and asked her "why are you bringing my brother into this?"
She said she's using it as an example (my husband's brother has absolutely nothing to do with this conversation). She proceeds anyway, saying "my kids have been through enough emotionally, (she's screaming down her house at this point), stop doing this to them!" (She is referring to the arguments and her taking the decision to keep her kids away from us). She screams "I ain't no d-head."
I calm down after I've been vomiting, this ordeal which included my husband, lasted hours in my head but was around 15-20 mins or so. My husband tells me we're leaving. I wait downstairs whilst my husband gets my bag from the room where she and her baby are.
He informs her that we are leaving and that we are still here if she needs anything but for now it'd best we leave. She then storms towards me and says "no that's it, we are finished. I'm done. That's it, finished. We're done!!!" I told her I'm going to calm down, she said "no were done!'"
I got angry as she was literally shouting at my face and getting even more aggressive, I told her "you need to get off your high horse, no wonder he left you." As I was headed out the door. I regret saying this, as I don't agree with how her husband left and him walking out on his kids. I don't. Everyone knows when kids are involved I get so upset and so angry. Because kids are innocent in all of this...
We left and came back to my dad's house. She then sent a text to my husband, informing us that "her and the kids are dead to me," and to let her know any costs for petrol etc and she would pay it back. She also said "to tell her to lose weight out of concern as an elder sister is nothing to do with anybody else, especially if she's talking to me about having kids."
(In the argument my husband told her it's not a conversation she should be having, and that I "cannot talk to them about anything." He also told my sister: "me and him are a team, anything you can say to her, you can say in front of me.")
It always seems my sister will bring up this topic when my husband is not in the room. This has happened on more than one occasion. I'm just worried about what my Dad's going to say when he comes back from his holiday as he is closer with my older sister, so will definitely take her side. Not to mention both my Dad and older sister have the mentality that the elder person is always right.
To me, it seems my sister hates me. She always finds a way to make herself the victim, she always has to fall out with me, she always has to be the truthful one in everyone's eyes. But I'm exhausted, mentally I can't take this anymore. I'm on the edge.
My husband and I didn't like the words that I said at the end, but given the situation, I think some unpleasant words were going to be said. Am I the a#ole? Any advice would be welcome. Thank you.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
NatashOverWorld said:
OP just because you were taught to be victimized by your sister, doesn't mean you changing that pattern makes you an AH. You were your sister's punching bag emotionally. It's okay to walk away from that dynamic. And ignore your dad if he wants to pull you back into. You'll be a happier, healthier person without her in your life. NTA.
tigersblud said
NTA. Your sister is an ahole. It’s obvious she’s hurting, maybe even jealous that you have a secure marriage and relationship, so she’s finding the lowest common denominator to hit you where it hurts - your weight. It’s too easy a target so she used that to berate you. No, the older sibling is not always right by virtue of being older. These are all even more simple excuses.
You did her a solid to help her and she berated you. For what?! Because she can. My guess is that she has no one to emotionally abuse anymore (her ex), so she’s moved on to you. She needs therapy to work through her stuff.
No_Strain_4995 said:
NTA. OP, with all due respect, please grow a backbone. You seem like you’re a bit scared of your sister and keep putting up with her crap. CUT HER OFF!!! You and your husband sound like very passive people, especially when it comes to her.
Grow a spine… you have kids!!! You want them to think they have a mother who lets her sister push her around? “We’re still here if you need us?” WHY?????? You’re still giving her permission to continue mistreating you.
Material_Cellist4133 said:
You love being a doormat. Why are you helping an ungrateful b? The way she speaks is really probably the reason her husband left. He was tried of being her punching bag. Just because your dad told you to?
How old are you that you can’t stand up for yourself and say no to your father? Who the f cares what she is going through? It doesn’t give her the right to talk to someone the way she did. Stop being an idiot and doormat. Go no contact. Tell your dad to f off if he says something.
Ok_Temporary8816 said:
YWBTA if you don't cut her completely out of your life, YWBTA to yourself and your husband if you let her back in after the way she talks to you and to your husband, and how she disrespected your marriage.
Sparklingwine23 said:
NTA and it's time to go no contact with sis. F dad says anything just tell him straight up she was a monster when we were there to do her a favor. We don't have room for toxic people in our lives.
Later that day OP came back with this update:
Thank you everyone for your thoughts, opinions and comments, I've tried to read all of the comments and majority of you are of the same opinion. I am truly overwhelmed by the support and kindness I have received. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I'm sorry that this post was so long and for some too long to read but I wanted to provide all the story and how it happened as I didn't want to sound biased. I have no reason to lie about any of this and no reason to make any of this up. Some questions people were asking about I'll write responses to each:
The gold: I am of Indian heritage and when girls get married it is a custom for the parents of the bride and groom to give the bride gold jewelry sets which are worth thousands. These are gifts as a safety net for couples and an investment. (Apologies, I understand not everyone understands this custom).
So about the gold: my sisters husband had stolen all of the gold jewelry, including those gifts from my Dad to my 4 year old nephew from when he was born. (My dad gifted my nephew a gold bracelet when he was born).
Indian heritage, like other heritage, also have the custom that the bride will live with her in laws and husband. But some couples move out, which is something we don't have to do as my in laws house will then become my husbands and my home.
Getting Therapy: I am definitely going to consider attending therapy sessions again. I have had therapy before. I do not have a relationship with my mum, and two younger sisters, because she mentally abused me and it ended in me leaving the family home. Quite similar to what happened between me and my sister.
My mum and dad are also divorced. But I had an okay relationship with my Dad, which I am deeply reconsidering. Going NC with sister and Dad: I spoke with my husband, and we have agreed, if my Dad takes her side and tries to flip it on me in any way, I'm definitely done with my side of the family.
I'll have no one left on my side of the family. In regards to my sister, I only kept going back because of the kids. Those kids are so adorable, sweet and innocent and especially the 4 year old, he is very fond of his uncle (my husband) and myself. He has said several times this week "I love my uncle so much."
It breaks my heart, that we are having to separate and cut off contact. My sister uses her kids as a weapon, and to be honest, anyone who does that is the most vile person in this whole world. Kids are so innocent in all of this. I stayed silent because I love those kids to death, and out of respect for my dad, he told me not to say anything.
He has also been on the receiving end of my sisters verbal abuse. There's a reason why me and my husband have such a strong bond with kids. I would do absolutely anything to see them happy. That's just the person I am.
But all I do is pray, that they have the best lives. That they are loved and cared for and they have everything they would ever wish for. I'm just so sorry to them that their mother is so vile. My heart aches for those children.
My sister does not deserve to be a mother, the way she speaks to her 4 year old, she's always shouting at him, the way she drives, it's very aggressive. But no one can say boo to her or tell her all of this. She is a narcissistic person.
Being the AH to myself. I have been a doormat to all of my family not just my older sister, and this is why i believe i am mentally mature and way more mature than anyone else in my side of the family.
I agree with the comments, of not having a backbone, but honestly one of the reasons I stayed silent is for the sake of those sweet and innocent kids who are in the middle of this. I'm scared for them that their mother will not be able to provide them with emotional support.
I'm scared they will grow up to hate me, im scared that they will be told lies about me, I'm scared to not have a relationship with them. I'm scared for them. My husband allowing this to happen. My husband has never had to deal with these sort of situations before.
He supports me and he is a gem. He cried so much with me when we came back to my dad's house. He took off work and was there for me. He told me after, he could feel his heart rate increasing and he is very softly spoken, he does not confront people at all.
I'm very proud of him for taking a stand against my sister. Even though I know he was panicked himself. Please do give him credit. He was the brave one in all of this. Thinking about the future. I've thought about this for 24 hours and every time me and my sister argue.
I have already made the decision to go no contact with her. That includes the kids too unfortunately, which feels like I'm ripping my heart out of my chest. I'm going to move forward, go to therapy and continue to work on myself. My revenge will be my happiness. I hope to God those kids don't hate me and my husband.
I hope to God those kids have healthy and happy lives. I'll always love them and pray for them, no matter what their opinion is of me. As I write this, my husband is driving us back home. As I keep thinking about it and this past week, I'm beginning to unpack everything and weighing up everything.
My sister would make subtle comments throughout the week trying to belittle me, for example, my husband bought a new Mercedes, I haven't driven it because my husband said he doesn't want anyone else to drive it except himself (I respect this) and my sister said, yeah don't let her drive it.
Another time, she took us to see my 4year old nephews martial arts and the parking spots were tight. She had to do a 5 point turn to park into a spot. She said to me "yeah, this is how professionals do it. Bet you couldn't do that." Again, trying to belittle me in front of my husband.
That same day, when we were on our way back home, my husband sat in the back seat of the car and the car moved, she then said 'bloody hell, (my name) you moved the whole car'. Bearing in mind I sat in the car whilst she was saying this and she was putting my nephew in his car seat.
I told her it was my husband, she fell silent, followed with a "oh haha" laughing it off. My husband then for jokes, rocked the car again on purpose (I was sitting next to him and she had sat in the drivers seat at this point).
An important thing I didn't mention, which may not be important to some, but as I was walking out of the door of my sisters house she shouted at me "don't worry, your time will come too" implying my husband will leave me too. I laughed and told her "no he won't." I have full faith in my husband and his family.
They've supported me from day 1. Even with my wedding, my family were not in attendance, my dad came because he had to. Other than that, no one else showed up for me. My husbands family paid for everything, and have never made me feel bad for it.
My dad is back from his holiday in 5 days. I'll provide another update then. I haven't spoken to him, nor texted him, since before the argument with my sister. My sister also mentioned how I always run to my dad, to tell him what happened, but I'm not going to say anything, especially not this time.
I have gone to my dad in the past, but recently I'm too exhausted and my dad brings it up himself. I'm going to wait for her to tell him this time and wait for my dad to phone her and ask her where we are.
For her to tell him what happened. For her to LIE to my dad about what she said. I'll wait for my dad's phone call and see what he has to say. In fact I'll k ow what he will say, he will say "you're both as bad as each other, just leave each other alone." But thank you for your support and love shown under my post. It has made me feel miles better. Any other questions, I will be willing to answer!
Here's what top commenters had to say about the first update:
Deep_Rig_1820 said:
YOU LEFT!!!!!!! YESSSS. You finally stand up for yourself, good for you. Big hugs. Now start therapy again and start healing.
Clear-Ad-5165 said:
It is great to hear you aren't letting them continue to treat you like a pile of dog poo. And you're finding your self respect.
ClaimBackground8381 said:
NTA your sister's toxic and manipulative behavior is unacceptable and you’ve got every right to go no contact to protect yourself and your mental health,
[deleted] said:
Yesssss I like your new spine, girl. You seem well-grounded and you have a good support system in your husband. Ignore the bitter fruit from your sister’s rotten tree.
SnooWords4839 said:
Let your husband explain to your dad on what happened. It's best to cut out your toxic sister, she doesn't deserve your help. Please get back into therapy, I bet your weight is due to your toxic family members. Food is used by many, for comfort.
Unwanted88 said:
Wow your sister is such an hypocrite.
About two weeks later OP posted this update:
Hi everyone! Thank you for your comments and opinions with all this. I've taken the majority of advice and have had my first therapy session this week. I just cried so much during it, I could barely get my words out. I'd say 90% of the time I just cried.
But I've come on here as I have questions and thoughts.. I guess I'm just wondering what people think. I've spoken to my dad, he hasn't bought anything up. Neither have I. He's been normal. He was back from his holiday as week ago and we've spoken twice since then but seemed normal.
I guess my sister has not told him anything. But then again, I'm not sure. Maybe he's just sick of the arguing and doesn't want to bring it up? Am I letting my thoughts run wild? Redditors, do you think i should bring it up? But if I were to bring it up, I'd only bring it up in person. I wouldn't want to talk to him over the phone about it. I would want my husband to talk to my dad about it.
So I'm going to see him tomorrow and I'm going to speak with him, but I wanted opinions about how to talk about what happened. (BTW I am done with my older sister, we are 100% done). I wanted my husband to bring it up initially, my husband said he would too.
I'm just predicting that my dad's responses will be something along the lines of: 1) You two should go your separate ways and that's it. 2) I don't want to talk about it. You're are bad as each other. 3) You're both idiots and both need a slap. 4) "I thought I told you not to say anything."
Another thought I had was about my husband. If my Dad thinks my husband is capable of disrespecting someone then he clearly doesn't know him at all. Depending on how it goes tomorrow...
I'll either have a supportive Dad who I will maintain contact with and have a good relationship with, or I would be fully estranged from my side of the family, which is going to absolutely break me. I'll update soon. Thank you.
Here's what top commenters had to say about the second update:
saltyvet10 said:
If your dad tries blaming you, just tell him your sister is a miserable bitch because he keeps making excuses for her vile behavior. She is who she is because he didn't parent her properly. True or not, I'd bet it shuts him up, which is definitely a necessary goal.
IsadoraRosex said:
Facing family turmoil is exhausting, but you’re taking steps to address it thoughtfully whether you rebuild or walk away, prioritizing your peace and emotional well being is the right call.
SaurinF said
Why does your dad have to be involved at all? This is between two adults. The fact that you both still run to parents shows how emotionally immature this whole situation is. Stop spending any time with your sister. Make the decision yourself, for yourself, and leave others out of it unless they butt into it themselves.
Stop asking daddy for permission because sister was mean again. Be an adult. You're acting like the point is just to get daddy to agree with one of you in any argument you have anywhere over anything like some kind of badge of honor? Like neither of you are right or wrong unless daddy agrees? How are you a married adult and still acting like this? Oh gawd, did you ask permission for that too?
Away-Elephant-4323 said:
I hope it works out for you, if the family can’t see your side then that’s on them!
MaryEFriendly said:
Why do you care what your Dad thinks if he always takes her side? She's an abusive ahole and a bully. It's not shocking that her husband left her. If she treated him the way she treats you it was a matter of time before he fled.
You should text your Dad and tell him everything, including her first telling you that you deserved to be violated and then calling you a liar. Tell him everything she said to you. Tell him you know he will likely take her side despite how toxic and awful she is, but you'd appreciate his support. If he refuses to give it you need to step away from.both of them.
She brings no.value to your life and she has no right to treat you this way. You know why she does it, right? She knows she can cause you to go into a panic attack and it makes her feel powerful. How she treats you is likely how she treated her husband. He literally RAN from her.
The next day OP posted this "final update":
Here's the big update! The one people have been waiting for.... so me and my husband spoke to my dad...in person today. Apologies if this is long!
My husband started the conversation and said 'You have probably heard from older sister what happened' Dad said she told him parts while he was out drinking whilst he was on holiday but shut her down and told her he didn't want to speak about it whilst he was on holiday.
My Dad told me that they haven't spoken about the incident since but my sister called him yesterday and my dad mentioned me and my husband are coming to see him, and so sister asked if Dad's spoken to us, and obviously he hasn't.
I then told him everything that happened. Dad was shocked but listened calmly and let me speak. (My dad is not one to flip out or get angry quick). My Dad didn't have a reaction to the words I said to my sister at the end, about her husband leaving her.
But did have a reaction to what my sister said in response, indicating my husband would leave me. He sighed and shook his head and said 'i don't understand how sisters can say things like that to each other but anyway..'.
After i had finished, my Husband started talking and told him how he felt and it was really uncomfortable and this is not how older siblings treat their younger siblings, (using himself as an example, my husband is the younger one but lived with his 5 younger cousins in one house when they were growing up) which Dad agreed with and said 'every sibling have disagreements, even i do with my siblings'.
My dad is the older one out of 5 siblings). Dad said he's heard parts from my older sister but he's shocked by what happened and said to me off the bat that my older sister is completely wrong. My older sister conveniently only told him what i said to her that 'ive took a week out of my life to come and help'.
I said to Dad, shes took that the completely wrong way, and once I told him everything, Dad said 'there is a way to speak to people and she went about it the complete wrong way. She's not mentally in a great place but it doesn't excuse her behaviour. She even starts on me sometimes and it's a lot of the time.
Every few days even. Then eventually she comes around and says I'm right. She's getting help for her mental wellbeing at the moment. I shouldn't say this but I see your mum in her (my mum was the exact same), so I, myself have started to not say anything, because the person who doesn't say anything can't regret anything.
My main priority is those kids. I don't care about older sister, you guys are adults. It's those kids who need everyone with them right now, because I don't know how many years I have left, but I want to make sure those kids are loved and have everything they need. I've seen how she also speak to her older child, it's not nice.
I have been meaning to speak to her about this also. The older child is good with me because I don't raise my voice. You can't shout at kids all the time and expect them to behave. That's what OPs mother used to do.'
I said to dad that I understand, but he needs to stop taking her abuse now, because he dealt with it with my mum too, does he really want to re-live it again? My dad simply said: I'm in my own house, I come home to an empty house everyday, I don't think about your mum anymore. (He started telling my husband about how much my mum used to moan etc.)
He continued and said he 'understands where this concern is coming from, but it's okay and he knows how to handle her. He's just there for the kids that's it.'
Dad said: 'at the end of the day, I love both of you and (to my husband) you're my son. Just like i treated older sisters husband, he was my son too. I have a good relationship with both of you and if you decide you don't want a relationship with her, I respect that decision.'
Husband says 'yeah, we will no longer be having a relationship with her. It's not only her behaviour towards OP but it's the behaviour in the whole situation, she's older than both of us, she should know better and she could have said things in a loving way, but she didn't.'
Dad said: 'there's always a way to talk to people and she shouldn't have antagonised the situation. She's the same as her mother. I will talk to her about this, but I'm not going to get involved between you two. I've tried with you both (op and older sis) for ages but I can't get involved anymore. You're both adults.'
Husband responds: 'I think older sister just has some hatred or dislike about OP. I think it's just something that's just unresolved for a long time'. Dad: 'idk about anything like that.' I then said, I never hated my sister, if I was willing to put things aside I don't think that was out of hate, I think it's out of pure kindness and love. And tbh it's not happening anymore.
She's walked over me for too long and it's stopping. I'm trying to heal from this. And even after I suffered a miscarriage, she still had the nerve to bring up my weight. Mentally and emotionally I'm scared tbh, this is a loss which I'm still trying to process.' Dad was nodding his head in agreement and he said he agrees.
He said 'I've learnt in life it's better to have these conversations in person and cut out the middle man. Middle man is just there to be entertained. I'm glad we had this talk anyway because you guys are relieved, I know what happened and I imagine it's relieved a little off your shoulders.' Me and my husband agreed, it was a huge relief.
I'm not surprised but I'm a little surprised about how my dad reacted to all this because he was chill and listening to everything we said. But dad has given us his blessings to carry on, and has supported us and ensured us that we were not wrong.
He understands my husband was trying to defuse the situation, he understands how my sister is and he respects the decision about us not having a relationship with my older sister. He said to my husband that 'you were just defending your mrs and im happy you did, you're a good man.'
I asked my dad if he thinks my husband is capable of hurting or disrespecting anyone, my dad said 'the way husband is, and his personality, no, I don't believe he could disrespect or hurt anyone.'
In a nutshell, I have my solid relationship with my Dad, so does my husband, and I can smile and say it's not bound on me having a relationship with my older sister. There's no terms and conditions tied to that relationship. We can go to my Dad's and have a good time and come away. So i and my husband left that conversation quite happy.
I made us all some tea after the conversation and watched 1% club on TV and played against each other. It was fun!
He also sent us home with some money (traditional custom in Indian culture - we call it 'giving love').
Any questions are welcome. I'm in a good place right now, I have my dad, husband and in laws support, and to be honest that's all I need. I will of course be continuing my therapy. Thank you everyone for your valuable advice and for this new shiny backbone you have all given to me. 🫶🏼❤️ End of Update!
Here's what people had to say to OP after the final update:
I've been following your posts, and I'm so relieved and happy for you. Keep your head up, you're a good person and you deserve to be happy.
nalwaa OP:
Thank you dearest 💓 God bless xx
Well this is a pleasant surprise given how you were feeling in the last update. I am happy for you and hope everything works out.
It really just seems like this is a lateral move? I’m not sure what Dad being involved is even doing for anyone? No growth from any side, and a neutral father figure sitting on a fence, acknowledging problems exist but not “getting involved.” So…….it’s the same situation. I hope your sister grows OP, and I hope those kids are ok.
This post is just kinda weird from a western perspective. So concerned with having daddy say it’s ok to be mad at your b&^*h of a sister. I mean, dad bears some of the responsibility for raising a dumpster fire of a daughter. You 100% know he’s not going to say anything of significance to the older sister.
nalwaa OP:
He doesn't have to say anything tbh. It's not my business anymore. My duty was to tell my dad about why this happened and my dad has a clearer picture about why I wont be attending events and family gatherings when she is present. That's all.
The aim wasn't to get my Dad to say anything to my sister but was to tell him I want nothing to do with her and for him to be supportive and understand why. I'm just setting my boundaries and making sure everyone is aware in my family about my boundaries.