Woman tells sister; 'Banning our grandfather from seeing your kids is TOO FAR.' AITA?

When this woman is upset with her sister, she asks the internet:

"AITA for telling my sister that banning our grandad from seeing her kids is too far?"

Last week, my 28f sister 24f was making her kids lunch to take to school later on. Her son 5m wanted iron bru in his lunchbox but she said no. He kept on arguing with her until our grandad (73m) entered the kitchen and tried to tell her to give into him because he’s crying.

She said no but he asked her again and said that he’s just a child and it’s not fair to make him cry. My sister snapped back “No! If I say no then it means no. Don’t tell me how to raise my old child. Remember I kindly let you stay with me until the repairs in your home are done.” and she threatened to kick him out over it.

They went back and forth with my grandad asking her to give it to him and having a treat once won’t kill hom. My sister told him she she dosen’t care if he’s just a child and if she says no then that means no before telling him to butt out.

My grandad gives my nephew the iron bru bottle to drink (it’s not a massive one. It’s a small bottle). My sister screamed at grandad and asked him Why did he give him the bottle when she she said he can’t have it? My grandad told her that her son’s just a child and she doesn’t need to be so harsh on him.

My sister screamed at him for ‘overstepping’ boundaries and to never tell her how to parent her kids again. She took the iron bru bottle and emptied it out. My sister and our grandad had a screaming and she told him to never overstep and tell her how to raise her child before kicking him out and banning him from her kids.

My grandad was about to cry and told my sister that he was just trying to help and begged her to let him stay but she retaliated and said that she never asked for his help and to leave before she calls the police. He had to be followed out to the front door by my BIL and my BIL slammed the door on my grandads face.

I went to pick up grandad and took him to our parents. He was crying saying that he didn’t mean to overstep and that he was just trying to help. He begged me to tell my sister to let him see his great grandkids and apologized a lot.

I called my sister and told her that she was being too harsh and that our grandad did not deserve to be banned from being near his great grandkids just because he made a mistake.

My sister responded “too bad” and he should’ve thought about that before overstepping & I can take him in if I’m so concerned which is what I was going to do until our mother offered to take him in.

Mum told my sister that he did overstep but banning him permanently was going too far, but she disagreed with me. Was me and my grandad the AH or was my sister?

Let's see what readers had to say:

scrunchie1 writes:

YTA for inserting yourself in a situation that does not involve you. It is very common for grandparents to overstep their boundaries and not respect the parenting choices being made by the mom/dad.

Let them figure it out for themselves, if grandad is truly sorry for how he acted then he can take some time to think about how to better support your sister's parenting decisions, and he can talk to her and apologize and try to set things straight. But stay out of it. Not your circus.

alaringcir writes:

YTA for interjecting yourself into a disagreement that not only doesn’t concern you, but you didn’t witness. There’s three sides to this story-his, hers, and what actually happened.

As for her “overreacting”- any parent trying to get kids ready to go to school and out the door are not going to be in the mood to deal with a guest telling them what to do with their child.

Especially when you have said no repeatedly, and asked the subject be dropped. This is an instance where no means no and I’m pretty sure your grandfather has overstepped multiple times. This just happened to be the final straw.

comfotag writes:

ESH. The problem isn't that your grandfather inserted himself in the conversation. The problem is that he kept insisting and pushing after your sister said no MULTIPLE times. He then completely overruled her by giving the child a bottle.

If he wanted to help, he should have stopped after the first no directed at him. On the other hand, your sister went nuclear. I would wait for her to cool off and try to ask her to revisit the ban.

I'm wondering what you left out though. It's a bit strange for someone to go so nuclear over this kind of incident. If this is a recurring issue, this was just the straw that broke the camels back.

agah7 writes:

ESH. Your sister has every right to tell her child he can't have a can of soda. And it's important for your nephew to learn he can't just cry and throw a tantrum to get his way. I was totally on team sister at that point that grandpa was way over stepping boundaries and deserved to be called out.

But screaming, threatening to call the cops, and slamming doors in people's faces in front of the child makes me concerned about how your sister handles difficult situations when you and grandpa aren't around. It doesn't sound like a healthy environment.

I agree that she had every right to tell him to f off about the soda, but man everything else seems like a total over reaction. Unless there's some medical condition going on that would cause the soda to present an immediate danger to the child.

curiosu0 writes:

She is NTA. She said no. She set the boundary. Your grandad didn't respect her no. If he will overstep her boundaries with small things he probably will with big things too.

He needs to respect that your sister is the parent here. You need to respect that your sister can make decisions for her family, including who gets to see her kids.