Woman tells sister; 'Don't give money to my BIL. Stay AWAY from his business.' AITA?

"AITA for asking my sister not to give money to my brother-in-law and to stay away from his business?"

Some background about my relationship with my sister (38F) and me (33F): While she has always been a bit controlling, we had a good relationship for the most part. That changed when she got engaged to a man who, frankly, was terrible. Despite all the red flags, she chose to ignore them.

For a while, I had a decent relationship with him, but they had countless issues, broke up and got back together multiple times, with incidents of abuse. Eventually, two weeks before the wedding, he ended it — or, more accurately, he broke it off.

My sister went into full meltdown mode, blaming everyone but herself or him for the breakdown of their relationship. After a month of her playing the victim and refusing to accept any responsibility, I told her that it was both her and his fault, not my family’s. I also told her that he was abusive and a bad person.

She took that personally, stopped talking to me, and blocked me on all platforms. It’s been four years since then, and she’s still holding a grudge and refuses to speak to me.

Last year, I met my now-husband. His family owns a business that he works for. The company is doing well, but since all the brothers are involved, there are constant financial disputes.

When I introduced my boyfriend (now husband) to my family, my sister left without even greeting him. I’m sure she couldn’t handle seeing someone else getting engaged, and maybe she was especially upset that it was me.

She later apologized, but the cold treatment continued through all the events leading up to my wedding. The only time she acted civil was at my wedding, where she took a couple of photos with me for show, but I didn’t care much about that since she hadn't been supportive of me for the past four years. I’m fine as long as she doesn’t interfere in my life.

Now, here’s where we are: I was working from my parents' house, and she was there too, though in a separate area. It’s an open space, so we could overhear each other’s conversations.

I overheard her talking with my brother-in-law’s wife about giving them money as a cash injection for their business. She planned to give him money to manage their working capital, with a contract stating he’d pay her back with interest. She also told her not to tell me.

I lost it and told her to stay away from my husband’s family and not to get involved with their business. While she’s absolutely entitled to do whatever she wants with her money, I don’t want her to become entangled in their financial issues.

I’ve kept my distance from their family’s drama, and I don’t want to be dragged into it now. By giving them money, she’s putting me and my husband in a position where we could face fallout from her involvement in their business — which, by the way, is their only source of income.

Some family members are telling me that, as consenting adults, it’s none of my business. Others are supporting me. AITA?

Edit: What made me blow up is the fact they were actively trying to hide it from everyone. She would transfer cash to my brother-in-law's account and have a separate contract.

Then the brother-in-law would inject into the business as if the money came from him. My BIL was surprised that my husband knew when he spoke to him and acted like he does not know anything about it.

Let's see what readers thought:

blueflash writes:

“Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine” And to borrow another euphemism, she really wants to shit on your door step.

It is your business, she's making it your business. You could try to have a calmer conversation (and don't lose it) and give her some insight into the family dynamics and why it probably isn't a good idea to involve herself. Leave out your concerns for you and your husband.

Also, talk to the BIL. explain to him given your sister's past behaviour why it isn't a good idea for him. And also make it clear that when it all goes wrong, under no circumstances is he to try and involve you. Even though he will. NTA.

veaty writes:

I agree that your sister has the right to loan her money to anyone she wants. However, I question her motives. Why would she lend your husband’s family money?

Is she involved with one of the brothers ? If she is, then you probably should stay out of it. If she isn’t, then you have a right to be concerned because the families’ infighting could seriously affect your relationship. NTA for being concerned or speaking out. Usually I would say to mind your own business, but in this case, I support that you spoke up.

darkhelm writes:

NTA.. and OP... my finest legal advice at this point would be to have your husband ask to be bought out. Have the company valued by a reputable firm. He gets his percentage paid out from the business. I'm sure the terms of their business entity allow that or that your state has statutes that would allow that.

Get out now. Family business disputes like this can devolve incredibly fast. Even more so when you have an outside party intentionally trying to get involved like you sister who you have an iffy relationship with. You could have fall out from both families.

pipper4 writes:

As a lawyer I’d be concerned. Can via this contract, the company be held liable for debts? Is brother in-law acting as an agent of the company? Is it a personal loan? If so what was the consideration?

What kind of company is this? Who has ownership shares legally? How is that money being taxed? Fraud that can be imputed to the company and/or individual shareholders/owners/partners? What about liability? What are the jurisdiction’s laws both in relation to business formation/organization, contracts, liability, agency, etc.

I don’t even practice this type of law, but I’d be very concerned and so should your husband. NTA.

On a personal level, your sister is going behind your back to involve herself in your in-laws business. She’s both jealous and extremely untrustworthy. This won’t end well.