'AITA for telling my husband that my ex and I traveled to 56 countries together?'
"AITA for telling my husband that my ex and I traveled to 56 countries together?"
I (44F) am turning 45 August 3rd. Two months ago my husband of 5 years (45M) surprised me and said he booked us a 10 day vacation to Italy. We leave July 28th. My husband is a special ed middle school teacher so school is out until September.
He has been making extra money on the side as a tutor. So we had some extra money and no kids so I got a great idea: instead of having a birthday week celebration, I wanted to have a birthday month like how I did it in most of my twenties and early thirties.
I had a plan worked out where we'd spend the ten days in Italy, and then go visit London, Amsterdam, and Paris. I was good at finding good value Airbnbs and have not been in Europe since my breakup from my ex (50M). When I presented the plans to my husband he said that we could go to more cities in Italy and he could help me edit pictures for my photography blog.
However, he also said that he needed to have meetings and do administrative housekeeping and he needed to do it in person. I was disappointed and he got upset and asked me to stop rolling my eyes. I told him that my ex worked seemed to work 24/7 but we were still able to plan our time in order to travel the world- 56 countries in total.
My husband snapped " If I would I could, but I don't have the luxury of saying to my boss that I'll call in when you asked everybody to be there in person!" He also said " Sorry I don't have Silicon Valley money to spend on vacations."
For context, I was with my ex from when I was 23 to when I was almost 36. My ex was very lucky and successful and we were able to go everywhere from Buenos Aires to Monaco to Turks and Caicos. We also split our time between opposite sides of the US.
However, my ex was a commitment shy man who drank a lot, and did nothing about other women openly trying to take him from me. He was always switching from saying we were getting married soon to needing a few more years of no stress and kids to decide whether to marry me.
Finally, I said we needed to take a break if he wasn't ready to marry and he broke up with me permanently. What was worse is he married somebody a year later who is now only 27.
I was in therapy when I met my husband so I unloaded a lot about my ex for closure. And I continued to talk about what was my life for 13 years until he said at therapy that he was uncomfortable since I was just reiterating old points.
However I think my husband hates my ex not for what he did to me, but thinks I'm comparing him to my ex when I'm not. I was simply bringing up the fact that if my ex and I could manage our time to make these trips happen when he was technically always working, my husband and I could work something out.
But he just got snappy with me. I wasn't asking for a five star vacation around the world- I just wanted to see more of Europe and my husband turns it into a competition. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
ryanjcam wrote:
YTA. It sounds like your husband works extremely hard to earn enough to provide an expensive treat, and all you can do is demand more. A full month for your birthday? What kind of person can accommodate that? It would be ridiculous at any age, but in your 40s it sounds extra childish and unreasonable.
And then constantly comparing him to the ex that you are clearly obsessed with… You are a selfish AH.
possibly_a_lemur wrote:
YTA. Sounds like your husband tried to surprise you with a birthday vacation and you weren't happy with it. So unhappy that you brought up your ex and all the stuff you did together. I'd be pretty upset myself. Now he will probably be self conscious wondering if you're having a good time.
Suchisthe007life wrote:
YTA - your husband works two jobs to earn enough to provide an overseas holiday, and all you can do is complain he’s not giving enough, and then compare him to your ex? You are selfish.
OP responded:
Most people in my former social circle back when I lived with my boyfriend had some sort of birthday month, especially if their birthday coincided with the summer traveling season. And I was not being ungrateful- I was just talking about what I was used to for 13 years.