Woman shares Thanksgiving saga; 'I'm FURIOUS after what my BIL said at dinner.'

"I am still absolutely furious about what my brother in law said at Thanksgiving and it was almost 12 hours ago"

My BIL was complaining about how much fast food workers make. They make too much, he says. I was like "what so they deserve to live in poverty?" And he was like "Yes" and smirked.

Workers do NOT deserve to live in poverty and it is offensive to me to hear that and I WILL call it out every time I see it. I’ve got a man on my couch who works full time and he’s on my couch cause he’s so underpaid he can’t afford his own place, and my BIL thinks he deserves to make even less.

He claimed “wages are higher than ever before” which they are not when adjusted for inflation.

I proceeded to tell him a few things about how much many workers actually make these days—he didn’t believe my numbers which are from the Bureau of Labor—

and I explained to him about wage stagnation vs inflation and he didn't believe me and was like "you can't believe everything you read online" like I'm a child. I am 39 years old and very media literate and perfectly capable of determining reliable sources of information.

So I found some reputable publications with articles about this and showed him and he conceded the point about wage stagnation but still thinks fast food workers deserve to make even less than they do even after I explained many cannot afford necessities such as housing.

I am so utterly SICK of this callous cruelty and hatred of the working poor by rich and middle class people who know nothing about it and think they’re so superior when they’re just luckier.

My sister, his wife, was a teen mom and might be working fast food or some similar low status low wage job if our parents hadn’t helped look after that baby till she finished school. Not everyone has parents who can or will do that.

I don’t see anything “political” about this. This is a question of one’s morals, and I think class prejudice is a large part of the reason our country is in the mess it’s in. My BIL had no interest in learning anything, refused my offer to send him more information.

He just would prefer to sit there and smirk and say fast food workers deserve to live in poverty. What a horrible thing to say about millions of people. From someone who claims to be a Christian.

And he has ALWAYS accused me of lying about some thing or other (like those wage numbers) and it makes me angry because I am not a liar, I have always been an honest person.

When I was in college and told him how my roommate told me she’d had anorexia in high school and been in a treatment center for it, he accused me of making THAT up when what reason would I have to lie about the medical problems of a person he never met?

Maybe I won’t go to Thanksgiving next year. I’ve never not gone but I’ve also never been happy spending holidays with some of these people. We just sit down every year and pretend we don’t hate each other. We don’t pretend very well.

Let's take a look at some top comments and responses from OP:

dagharoup writes:

My dad said something similar last year. Basically the thought process is that only teenagers should be working those jobs to get some extra spending money and learn responsibility but then they should go on to get better jobs.

He doesn't care that teenagers are in school during the day and also there are some people who can never get another job for a variety of reasons. He basically just said those people deserve to suffer for the mistakes they made that led them there. Even if it's not their fault. It's the lead poisoning IMO. They're all sociopaths.

OP replies:

What is equally infuriating is that these people do not want to learn. Like, sometimes a person says something out of ignorance and then they get educated on the matter, realize they were previously speaking from a less informed place, and change their argument. But these people do not want to learn. They don’t want to hear any facts that might make them uncomfortable.

ascholay writes:

People deserve to sugger for the mistakes they made that led them to work at fast food places? I wonder what my friend did. He was born with an intellectual disability and will probably never be able to get a better job (he loves where he's at and I wouldn't want him to change). He deserves to suffer for the crime of being born. I know this isn't your opinion. I just need to be upset for a moment.

OP replies:

Yeah I know. I’ve got autism. So many talented, smart, qualified people with autism are underemployed because of the issues autism causes and the way non-autistic people can’t understand us. I was able to turn my autistic special interest into a job. Not everyone can do that.

chickfenwik writes:

I’m curious why he cares so much. Is he unhappy with his own income? Or with the cost of fast food? Fast food should not be a staple in anyone’s diet anyway. He sounds like a jerk who isn’t worth the effort. Sometimes it’s OK to just change the subject and forget about it. Unfortunately, you won’t change him.

OP replies:

He and my uncle were complaining about the incompetence of certain workers they had encountered—not even fast food workers, but postal workers—and somehow this turned into him complaining that people at McDonald’s make $20 an hour.

(I’m not sure they make that much or how he supposedly knows they make that much) and don’t deserve to make so much. I wasn’t even really paying much attention till he started in on McDonald’s people.

He claims he doesn’t eat there. This was after I was like “These people make your food and you want them to be poor?” And he said he didn’t eat there and wouldn’t care if fast food restaurants disappeared entirely. You know, since it wouldn’t personally affect HIM…

vikviaoshg writes:

Totally agree that it's a question of morals, and all these people saying it's politics are just trying to minimise how hateful they are toward their fellow human.

Thanks for sticking your neck out for those who are vulnerable for no other reason than corporate greed, and lack of empathy.

OP replies:

Several days before the meal I had a conversation with my sister (my BIL’s wife) in which I told her that the guy the coming administration has tentatively picked to be in charge of immigration has said he plans to deport entire families, even citizens...

if even one of them is here illegally, and that he spoke of setting up tent cities in the desert for the deportees that sounded an awful lot like concentration camps. He has said so in media interviews, such as on 60 Minutes.

Her response was to say she hoped I didn’t ruin Thanksgiving by “talking about politics.”

HOW ARE CONCENTRATION CAMPS POLITICS. How is the deportation of American citizens for immigration offenses committed by their relatives, politics? I was very upset by what she said. Completely refusing to acknowledge the reality of the situation.

Then I go to Thanksgiving and her husband basically says he wants the working poor to suffer even more than they do already.

These have been two very eye opening conversations to me about my sister and BIL and how their minds work and how limited is their empathy for people not like themselves.

foagyb writes:

Spend the holidays with people you like and respect.

patkdi7 writes:

I never have. I’ve always spent it with my family and we don’t like each other and most of them don’t respect me. I think I might do something different next year. This is kind of a “last straw” situation. There have been a lot of straws.

One year one of my brothers was saying horrifically racist things about Arabs and I told him to stop and he screamed obscenities at me (“I’ve been over there three [curse] times and can say whatever the [curse] I want!”) and for some reason I was blamed for this.