Woman threatens dad, 'If you let my psychotic stepsister come on this trip I'll never speak to you AGAIN.' AITA?
When this teenage girl is furious with her father's relationship to her stepsister, she asks Reddit:
"My dad is trying to force my psychotic step sister on my trip and I told him I’d never forgive him. AITA?"
I (17F) am graduating and my friends and I have already planned a trip to a cabin for the summer before we start college. I have been a babysitter since I was 13 so I have saved up a considerable amount of money.
When I was 15 my dad got remarried about a year and a half after my mom passed away. My dad’s wife had a 13 year old daughter and as soon as we moved in together they started to push her off on me and force us to do everything together. I don’t like my step sister.
She’s always throwing tantrums if she doesn’t get what she wants. She’s spoiled to the point that at my 16th birthday she got her own special cake so she wouldn’t feel left out and she also blew out the candles on my cake and when I complained my dad told me “it’s time to grow up, being a sister is about sharing things."
I told him I didn’t have a sister and I guess she overheard and she went on a rampage. The party was ruined. I distanced myself more from them after that.
I’m forced to either take her with me to places or stay home with her if I can’t take her or my dad or dads wife can’t watch her or don’t want to deal with her. Imagine everything that I said she does with my dad and his wife on to a 15-17 year old me.
I was forced to take her bowling with me and she would not stop tryin to dig her hands in the part where the balls come out and she tried running down the lane so I had to take her home and my night was ruined. This happens a lot but they don’t care.
I have tried to keep this trip a secret from her but when I was in my room on the phone talking about it over pizza and music. I found out she snuck in and hid in the closet and was eavesdropping.
She bursted out asking if she could come and I told her no and to get out. She started stomping her feet and she ran out.
My friends begged me to not invite her. My dad called me downstairs and asked if she could go because she could use a vacation and I told him I’m not taking her, they can take her on a vacation but I’m not watching her for almost 3 weeks alone.
My dad’s wife called me selfish and that my dad was paying for a portion of it anyway and if “Lily” doesn’t go then I don’t get to go. I told her she doesn’t get a say in any of this, she’s not my mom and to stop forcing her child on me when she created what she is.
Lily starts yelling at me about not being a big sister and I don’t want to spend time with her. I snap and tell her I don’t. She ran away crying and my dad said he won’t pay for the rest of my trip if I don’t take her.
So I told him if he does that I will not be talking to him anymore nor will I forgive him for it. He said I’m being dramatic and she isn’t bad.
So I grabbed a bag and went to my aunts house (my moms sister) and told her what happened and she said she would put up what he took away and when I go to college, I can stay with her. I told my dad what I was doing and he blew up at me and said I was being a brat and they’re my family now and not my aunt.
As far as I know, she does not have any disabilities. She’s been to doctors and therapy. She’s Just insanely spoiled and that’s how she’s always gotten her way when told no.
The first time I met her everyone agreed on Mexican except her and she was yelling in the car for 10 minutes before she calmed down by her mom appeasing her. Then she goes back on her phone texting.
If she does then that explains why she acts that way and I can take it that she can’t help it but I still shouldn’t be forced to watch her 24/7. AITA?
Let's see what readers thought about OP's dilemma:
celticmuse writes:
If you are being truthful about Lily's behaviors it sounds like she has some sort of emotional or intellectual impairment. Has she had a formal diagnosis?
How your dad is treating you is unforgivable and it's wonderful of your aunt to step in and be a real "parent" to you. I have a college friend who was in a similar situation as you but she didn't have an aunt for support so she was stuck until she was 18. She walked out the door at midnight on her 18th birthday and never looked back.
She struggled financially for a few years but had friends who stepped in to keep her from falling through the cracks and is now a very successful real estate lawyer, happily married with four children.
Now that her dad is getting older and he and his wife have health problems they've repeatedly reached out to my friend---going so far as to show up at her front door several times.
She said her dad actually tried to play the "fAmIlY" card and she said he had sixty seconds to get off her property or she'd call the police.
hunterdamange writes:
OP, just say, "Dad, just because you remarried and became a stepparent, which I had no choice or control over, doesn't mean I became anything other than your daughter. I am not a 'big' sister.
I don't even view myself as a stepsister because all you and wife have done is force Lily on me since they moment we moved in together.
You've forced me to include her time and time again, which has impacted MY friendships and social life because of Lily's behaviour. I do not appreciate her INVADING MY PRIVACY but not only coming into my room, but HIDING in the closet and eavesdropping on my PRIVATE conversations.
If she hadn't done those things, she wouldn't be upset right now. But instead of reprimanding her bad behaviour, you're once again punishing ME instead of dealing with Lily's behaviour.*
That's what I would say/send, if you have somewhere else go. If not, please know you have done nothing wrong by advocating for yourself.
There's a lot of other factors here too like if you/your friends are all 18 before the trip, there's some things you might want to do/go that Lily won't be able to. Is everyone expected to rearrange planned activities cos Lily can't join in?
If Lily needs a holiday, THEY can take her. How would they know how bad she is? Because it sounds like every opportunity they have had, they've pushed her onto you.
BTW, your aunt will always be your family (she's your mums sister!). They will only be family as long as they are married, or till you move out at least.
ally25502 writes:
Wait, your dad married that stepmonster only a year and a half after your mom died?!? When did he find time during his grief process to find a woman and marry her?!? And then they forcefully parentified you for years under the “you need to be sisters” slogan…
Sweetheart, I am so sorry! For losing your mom, for having a sperm donor like your yours, for being forced to live with trash like your step-psychos…I am just so sorry!
Please, talk to your aunt and move in with her. Contact more family members and tell them what’s going on. You need to get your birth certificate, and all the documents you can think of, the keepsakes before they destroy them.
Then change your number and go no contact with your dad, even if it’s for few months just to see how you feel about it.
If they insist to send the stepbrat with you, tell them you will call CPS on them for child abandonment.
I hope your 18th birthday is going to be brilliant, your college life a dream come true and the rest of your life is filled with joy and happiness!
jailcheeto writes:
Your dad is one of the worst AHs on the planet as is his wife. I've got a snootful of these "people" trying to force these relationships. They do so much lifetime damage and ruin any possibility of you and your STEPsister being friends.
Tell them....its ALL THEIR FAULT. Every tiny bit of it. Your dad, your stepmother and anyone else who forces the two of you together against your will are actively damaging your mental health and your clingy stepsister.
She can be forgiven. She's doing as shes always been told. It's just what the two of you have been forced into is horrible. They dont deserve to get to continue doing this to you. Its abuse. Can you go stay with your aunt?
syntheticdreams0 writes:
NTA. Your dad and his wife know stepsister is a beast, that's why they a) would rather fuck over the nice kid who won't give them hell, and b) are excited to be rid of her for 3 weeks.
If they want to play the "family takes care of family" card, why the hell are you exempt from that care? Oh wait, because you're a convenient scapegoat and babysitter so they can go play happy couple without being bothered by the brat.
To be fair, she probably does this because her mom has consistently ignored her until she freaks out, but that's not your fault or your responsibility to deal with.
Go stay with your aunt, as soon as possible. File for emancipation if you can. Personally, I'd go no contact with dad and his wife too. They can go pound sand until stepsister throws another tantrum because there's sand everywhere.
paganbiscuet writes:
Anyone telling you to be the bigger person can take the other kid for a day and see if they can handle her for that long.
I'm sure you've heard "get all important documents, go to therapy, etc." But I want you to buckle down on the therapy. Based just on what I read here, you may or may not have issues with abandonment, feelings of inadequacy, and so on and so forth.
Just because your dad didn't leave you doesn't mean he didn't abandon you. He did. He decided that having a wife and a bratty step kid was more important than having his own child's back.
Excuse my language, but he decided getting his d*ck wet was more important than showing his own child that he loved her and would back her up.
And I'm gonna say this, I do feel bad for your step sister in the sense that life is going to slap her in the face when she becomes an adult.
She might be able to get her way now with her mother and your dad basically bulldozing everyone around them to pave a smooth way for her to skip down now, but she's gonna trip over a tree root eventually and fall flat on her face.
Mommy and Daddy can't bully a corporation to give her a job or yell at school officials to let her into a college or give her a degree because she wants it.
And they'll end up next to her in a prison cell eventually for trying to get police off of her once she is eventually arrested for whatever bullshit she pulls as an adult. I've seen way too many spoiled brats end up being the ones in jail, and their parents wonder where they went wrong.
You have a future ahead of you. Buckle down and call your college. You're going to make sure they don't call up trying to cancel your enrollment or scholarships.
A lot of vindictive narcissists will do it, it happened to my fiance with his grandmother canceling enrollment and basically taking away a scholarship and spot at a school cause she didn't want him to leave the state.
Cause a whole mess for him (she's gotten better, but he still holds her at arms length at times). Make sure you have your paperwork on you and away from them so they can't ruin your credit score or other parts of your life as revenge.
Make sure you start seeing a therapist, and for God's sake, don't try and fill the void of your father being a dipshit with an equally shitty boyfriend or girlfriend (depending on how ya swing). It'll just hurt you more in the end.
And your aunt is awesome for immediately jumping to your aid when you asked. Give her a hug from all the internet strangers. Rooting for ya, kiddo!