Woman uncovers mother's dirty 30 yo secret, decides to ruin mom's life & reputation. 'You deserve to be homeless.' 3 DISTURBING UPDATES.
When this woman is disgusted by her mother's behavior and decides to get revenge that ultimately ruins her mother's life, she asks Reddit:
"I ruined my mom’s life and reputation. AITA?"
My (40 F) parents, dad (63 M) and mom (60 F), have been married for 43 years. I have six siblings 42 F, 38 F, 34 F, 20 M, 20 M, 18 M.
I have been with my husband (39 M), since we were 15. I got pregnant at 17 and we moved in with my parents. I gave birth to my now 22 year old daughter.
We got married at 18 shortly after. My dad’s father passed shortly after our wedding and left his ranch style house to my father. My grandparents built a house next door to my parents when they retired.
My parents decided to let us live in this house & told us this would be my inheritance. My husband and I had no issues with this. We went on to have a 20 M, 14 F, 5 F, and I'm currently 7 months pregnant with my last child, a boy, due in April.
I thought I had a good marriage, we were intimate more than twice a week, we went on date nights, we bought each other gifts, we didn't fight.
My entire world was shattered on New Years Eve when I returned early from a girl’s trip I had taken with some friends. I walked into my bedroom to find my mom having se% with my husband. My mother screamed at me to get out of “their” bedroom which really shook me up even more.
Unfortunately, my oldest daughter, was also home in her bedroom across the house getting ready for a party. She ran out and witnessed my all but a bed sheet naked mother run out of our house next door to her house and slam the door. My daughter was devastated and went to my sister’s house.
I asked her not to say anything until I first talked to my husband. I asked him for the truth. He told me that my mom seduced him when we were 18 and living in their house.
They’d been having unprotected se% at least once a month for longer than we were married. I ran the math and was horrified, because the timeline meant my twin brothers and youngest brother could be my husband’s.
I immediately called my dad and told him to come to my house without my mom. I made my husband confess and my dad was devastated, he and my mom were high school sweethearts too.
Needless to say, we could hear my mother screaming from her house when he confronted her.
I then told my older sister and she and I decided to have her throw a party for the whole extended family and we invited my ex’s family as well.
At the party, I had my 22 F daughter take all the kids to our basement and put on a movie, leaving only the adult children and siblings and I told them exactly what they’d been doing.
Most of the family is on my side, except my 3 youngest siblings, 38 F sister, Ex’s entire family. They all say I’m an AH for dropping this publicly. Word got out and my mom’s best friend, who is on leadership at my mom’s church (my childhood church)called me to verify.
My mom has since been let go as the children’s pastor there and she claims I’ve essentially ruined her reputation and life.
My dad kicked her out and she’s now living with my 38 F sister, and lastly, my dad insisted on a dna test for the three youngest boys before he’d consider anything to do with their marriage. The twins are my husband’s bio children. I’ve since kicked him out and he’s living with his parents.
My father and I are discussing me moving into his much larger house and him selling my grandfather's house and him giving me the money to buy a new house somewhere else to get rid of the memories.
My husband is appalled and furious that I proved he actually is about to have seven kids, instead of five, that I'm going to be taking half his business away from him.
My husband started his own HVAC company a few years back and for the first five years, I helped him get it set up, ran the office completely, and took time away from my teaching career to help him get this established.
In my state, all marital assets, including businesses are split 50/50. Since the house was still in my father's name, my husband will get no money from the sale, neither will my mother, since inherited assets are not subject to be split in divorces.
My mother is also likely to not get any alimony, as our state is not a no fault divorce state. I'm now over a month removed, still extremely bitter and angry at my mother, especially at her hypocrisy of calling me a whore and shaming my family, when she's done much worse.
I also despise my ex with everything within me now, as he was fg both my mom and me in some instances coming to our bed minutes later.
He got my mother pregnant less than a week after getting me pregnant and while I thought it was so cute and fun that I shared a pregnancy experience with my mom, she was carrying my children's half siblings.
He has broken all trust I had in men and being faithful. I have already procured a good lawyer from the firm that helped us in financial matters for both me and my dad and my dad is helping pay for it.
My twin brothers, one of my sisters, and my entire ex's family have gone no contact with me and my minor children and my children have essentially lost all of their grandparents but my dad, two uncles, and an aunt on my side, and my husband's three brothers, due to this mess.
I've also developed ulcers and digestive issues because of this, so I'm visiting the doctor soon and I've been in therapy since the first week of January. I've offered this for my two adult children if they need family therapy with all of us, but they're doing individual therapy right now.
My 14 year old knows that we're getting divorced and why and she's so angry at her dad that I struggle sending her to his house on the weekends. I feel like she's old enough to make a decision on that, but I don't want to damage her relationship with her dad.
I've told all my kids it's okay to love their dad, even if he hurt me, but the oldest two have cut him off 100%. I won't tell my youngest two until they're teens why we got divorced, and everyone else has agreed to not spill anything until they're old enough to understand.
As for how I had no idea this affair was ongoing, my husband confirmed to me that they would have sex at my mom's office at church, in their cars, at a motel, and when we built the business, they started having it routinely in his office, once I went back to teaching.
They also had it in our houses too when my father would go away on business trips or I'd be out of town.
It was pure happenstance that I came home a day early from a trip, because I was uncomfortable from being nearly seven months pregnant and just wanted my own bed, for me to find out.
Knowing they'd be carrying on this full blown affair still if I hadn't caught them is what I'm still upset about. The fact that the grandmother and father of my children cared so little about destroying our families is what I can't get past.
What's hardest for me is that my own mother would do this to me and would continue to do this for years and not caring when it all blew up in her face that she would be destroying her entire family.
Also, to add insult to injury my husband confirmed in one of our mediated conversations the affair started when I apparently made him angry. He didn’t tell me and instead vented to my mom when they were alone.
She comforted him and they had se%. He loved it and then pursued her after that. He said he would’ve divorced me, but knew he’d get cut off from her and she was so much better at se% than me, so stuck it out with me.
He told me I was a placeholder. Of all the betrayal and low blows, that statement is what keeps me up at night.
TDLR: My mom fd my husband for 22 years, got pregnant with twins, continued the affair until I caught them in bed together on New Year’s Eve while I was nearly 7 months pregnant. I publicly exposed it and my mom lost her job , her marriage, and is homeless.
Before we give you OP's 3 harrowing updates, let's read some of the top responses:
wristpostwrist writes:
Wow what he said to you was so incredibly cruel. He said this in anger, he WANTED to hurt you, but knowing that does nothing to lessen the pain you are feeling now. It’s so hard to think that your own mother betrayed you like this, too.
Out of your whole story the thing that sticks out the most is that she told you to get out of “her” bedroom, which was your bedroom. I could never forgive that. I’m glad you publicized this. She deserves everything that’s coming to her now.
I don’t understand why anyone in the family is trying to blame you. Perhaps they are all terrified of this happening to them, & so they hope in casting blame on you, it protects them. Illogical, but humans are illogical.
groode writes:
Digestive issues and pain due to stress is something that will almost certainly never recover fully. As bad as it sounds I think you have to learn now to let go of your hatered and don‘t be jaded for the rest of your life.
Because there is a very real chance an event like that ruins your life. Your story truly is heartbreaking and your husband and mother are assholes for doing that to you. You did nothing to deserve the situation you are put in now, but you still have to deal with it.
There is mental exercice that helped me immensly in overcomming similar trauma from bullying. What I’m saying next might make you very angry, so brace yourself. You want to imagine both your husband and your mother being happy and at peace.
I know this sounds absurd, they also might not deserve it but by doing this you make your anger and attachment come to light. You need to bring that forth to process the emotion.
This exercice is genius because you can only imagine that person being happy when you have detached yourself fully and your involvement with them from yourself.
This exercice is very heavy, so I would recommend starting with imagining someone you love, like your children being happy and at peace, then switch to someone you hate, like your husband and mother.
I promise you if you do it a few times a week for 10 minutes after a few month you will get over it so much more quickly. This will help you process and overcome this trauma (and please keep going to therapy).
ghanafeef writes:
Sheesh....this is soo nasty and incestuous....I just don't understand this sort of lifestyle....like I really don't understand......Your mom ruined her own life and reputation....NOT YOU.
This is soo sick and filthy. Wow. I'm speechless....I personally think you should sell that inheritance house and move somewhere else to start fresh. You can't continue to live in that house knowing what has taken place in that house for 20 years...
You need a fresh start.....I feel for your Dad.....Are you sure your Dad wasn't aware?....like how could he not be aware of this for soo many years....I feel like there is more to this whole situation that has to be unraveled.....
Everybody needs to take a DNA test and a lie detector test....everyone....cuz at this point, it's just too messy and too filthy to be true....You actually need to do a DNA test just to make sure your Dad is actually your biological father too...
.Because HONESTLY, you could be someone else's child and the pregnancy was placed on your Dad....It's not impossible that the Dad you thought was father for so many years could turn out to be non-biological.....
I know you might not want to know but AT THIS POINT, you have to find out for sure if he is your real Dad or did your mom get pregnant by someone else behind your Dad's back.....based on your Mom's actions, you have to find out for sure if he's actually your Dad....
This whole thing is Soo Soo messed....and the fact that is carried on for decades....It wasn't just a few times there were intimate....It actually last for years upon years....That's what makes it even worse.....One time is bad enough but 2 decades is DANGEROUSLY UNFORGIVABLE.
And now, OP's disturbing updates:
Update 1:
I tried hard to go the route of a mediated divorce, but my ex told me yesterday through his lawyers that he doesn’t believe that the baby I’m carrying is his and he wants a dna test as soon as he’s born because he doesn’t want to support a child that isn’t his.
He also believes I routinely cheated on him through our marriage and that I knew about his ongoing affair and used that as my excuse to have my own affairs. None of that is true, but I kind of wish it was because it would make the divorce easier.
My lawyer basically told to me to get ready for a long, drawn out, brutal contested divorce and that my ex is likely going to try every underhanded tactic in the book to make my life even more miserable.
Update 2:
I will answer some questions posed both here and there. My twin brothers look like my egg donor’s side of the family. They look very close to my uncle and grandfather. They clearly don’t look like my dad at all, but they also don’t resemble my husband much either. My son looks my stbx and he’s the only child that you can visibly tell is his kid, although my 14 f daughter has his nose and jaw shape.
I was definitely enraged the day everything went down, but my dad talked me off the murder ledge and reminded me that I needed to think of my baby and my other kids before I do something that would remove both of their parents from their lives. That is what spared them.
I still lived in a rage fog for the next few days which is what led to the revenge “party”. I only regret not telling my brothers privately that my egg donor had been cheating.
I honestly don’t know all the reasons my 38f sister is on my egg donor’s side. She doesn’t get along with me or my sisters and hasn’t since high school. I’m not that worried about her.
My twin brothers are upset that I sprung the news publicly. That is what my dad has gotten out of them. They are also in therapy and my dad has told me to just give them time. He thinks it’s just them “killing the messenger”.
I did not tell them the possibility that my ex was their dad, but they can do math and figured out that they’re the same age as my son and he’s younger than the length of the affair.
My dad sat them down and explained his reasoning for the dna test was to prove cheating and not because he was going to abandon them. He is their dad regardless of whose sperm fertilized the egg.
I don’t believe that my egg donor and stbx waited until he was 18 to have sex, but at this point I’m letting my dad fight that fight and letting him do what he needs to when dealing with her and their divorce.
I have contingency plans ready to enact in the event they decide to move in together, but my lawyer doesn’t believe my ex is stupid enough to do that with the divorce proceedings turning ugly.
I forgot to add this in earlier, my husband is 4 months younger than me. My birthday is in December and his is April. He will be 40 soon. We were in the same graduating class all through school from kindergarten through high school. He’s not a full year younger than me as others have speculated.
I’m focusing on my pregnancy, my kids, and moving on. I may provide an update after divorces are finalized, but thanks to everyone for the support and advice. Thanks for letting this hormonal, sad, ragey, bitter woman vent and get this off her chest.
Update 3:
I had a phone conversation with my aunt today (my egg donor’s sister) and she told me there is a family history of cheating in our family on their side of the family.
My grandma cheated on my Grandpa for years but they reconciled, my aunt herself had multiple emotional affairs but is still married to my uncle. She tried blaming genetics on my mom’s affair.
I laughed out loud at the absurdity of that attempt to justify her affair and my aunt is now mad at me for not hearing my egg donor out and her explanations for cheating. My dad and lawyer both say I should hear her out, so I’m still considering doing it right before we meet in early March to establish custody.
My sister and I have had a shitty relationship since high school. She has clung to our mom our whole lives. My other sisters and I have always taken the brunt of criticism and shame from her and my mom for being rebellious or in my case a whore who got knocked up out of wedlock.
The ex’s family are angry that I spilled the affair publicly. The twins are as well. My youngest brother is just upset all around that our family is the current gossip in town and at his high school but he’s willing to talk to me.
My father began therapy at the beginning of February. On Valentine’s Day both my dad and I took our wedding rings to get them melted down and my dad commissioned a divorce ring for me from our melted down rings.
I’ve been cooking him dinner and he’s been hanging out with my daughters whenever he wants or feels lonely. Plus, the twins are finally talking to him again, so he’s been doing things with them and my youngest brother.
I should mention that I asked my aunt if my momma inherited the whore gene, which child did she pass it on to and how did my grandma manage to pass it on to both her daughters. So that’s probably why she’s mad in retrospect. I’ve honestly lost all sympathy for cheaters after this.