'AITA for not taking the blame for unknowingly breaking a mom's rules for her kid?'
"AITA for not taking the blame for unknowingly breaking a mom's rules for her kid?"
My (41f) daughter (15) had a sleepover a couple of days ago with four of her friends. From what I observed, the girls had a lot of fun together and were all very respectful of each other, my husband, and I. Most of the girls’ parents thanked me and my husband for hosting and said positive things, but one texted me a list of all the things I did wrong.
The first thing that upset this mom was the fact that my daughter and her friends went swimming in our backyard pool. When the sleepover invites were sent out via text message, I asked the moms if they were okay with their girls going swimming. All of them said “yes” or “that’s okay with me” except for the complaining mom, who simply liked my text. I assumed this meant yes.
I would not have allowed this had the girls not been forced to pass a swimming safety unit (which included a swim test at the end) for their PE class. Additionally, my husband completed a life-guarding course from the Red Cross and passed with flying colors.
The mom’s second issue was the food the girls ate, which she deemed unhealthy. I however, did not see an issue with this because I think eating junk at sleepovers is okay. The next issue was the movie the girls watched after dinner. Since some of the girls are 14 and others are 15, we told them no R rated movies, but other than that it was up to them.
They ended up choosing The Fault In Our Stars, which the complainer deemed inappropriate. The final thing she was mad about was the fact that the girls didn’t actually go to sleep until midnight. As a mom myself, I understand because I want my daughter to get enough sleep.
However, both my husband and I do think that sleepovers are a time when it’s okay to stay up late, provided the kids let the parents sleep (which my daughter and her friends did). Additionally, the girls woke up at 8:30, meaning they got about 8 1/2 hours of sleep.
I received the complaining mom’s text on the day after the sleepover. The text said “Thank you for having my daughter over. It was generous of you to open up your home and graciously host her. However, I feel that many of your decisions were questionable and inappropriate."
She then proceeded to list her objections with specific reasons for each one. I then replied, “Please tell your daughter thanks for coming! She was a pleasure to host. I understand your concerns, but considering that you never communicated your expectations or rules, I don’t think it’s fair to place the blame on me.
If we ever do things like this in the future, please make sure to let me know of any restrictions ahead of time. Thank you and have a lovely weekend!” She then responded angrily that it was my fault, and when I texted her to say sorry, she didn’t respond. AITA for not taking the blame?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Peony-Pony said:
NTA You hosted a normal sleep over for your teenaged daughter and her friends. Ms Stickupthebutt texting you to complain that a bunch of teenagers went swimming, ate junk food and watched a teen romance movie is ridiculous. I am surprised she didn't critique what you served for breakfast.
She is in a rude awakening when her daughter turns 18 and goes to university. More often than not the young people who went hog wild had been raised by helicopter parents who monitored their diet, social media and every other aspect of their lives. University life was their first real taste of freedom and they embraced it with gusto.
PandaCotton said:
NTA. I feel sorry for this girl, her mother might ruin her friendships. Who expects to sleep early and eat a healthy meal for a sleepover? It's like serving salad at birthdays and asking the kids to do their homework. Your answer was very well written, the mother should have shared her concerns with you before the sleepover.
fallingintopolkadots said:
NTA. This lady doesn't seem to have any idea how sleepovers actually work, which I mean... fair, I guess? But you did lay out your plan and she didn't ask for more info or what her expectations would with concern to her daughter. She couldn't have expected you to have the same exact rules for your daughter as she does for hers, especially at a sleepover. I feel sorry for you daughter's friend.
Flimsy-Car-7926 said:
NTA. And your apology to her was completely unnecessary. They weren't smoking crack and kicking puppies. They had a normal sleep over with supervised and well considered activities. I feel bad for that girl though.
sheramom4 said:
NTA. You did nothing wrong. And even if she had listed those rules, the end result should have been "I am sorry, we cannot accommodate your rules" instead of abiding by them.
SoMuchMoreEagle said:
NTA With all her rules, I'm surprised she lets her daughter go to sleepovers at all. You were more than gracious with your reply.
When I read your story, I knew that following it would be a flood of NTAs, but this one's an INFO to me. You say: "She then proceeded to list her objections with specific reasons for each one."
But you omit those "specific reasons"! Of course people are going to side with you when the only arguments given are your own and you quietly omitted the other side even while admitting you - unlike us - knew it.
Hot-Preparation-8608 OP responded:
Here are her arguments as to why what I did was not OK
1. Swimming in a saltwater pool is unhygienic. I have no idea when you last cleaned it, and they may be dangerous germs in it. Plus, bikinis (which my daughter and some of her friends wore) are highly inappropriate.
2. The food you provided was unhealthy. Microwave popcorn has dangerous chemicals in it, and it has been proven that grilled food (my husband made hot dogs and hamburgers on our grill) has negative impacts on one's health. Caesar salad is not healthy at all. You should have provided a more nutritious option.
Finally, serving bacon and sausage at breakfast was not a good choice. They are full of nitrates and nitrites (mind you, the bacon and sausage we served was all natural and had none of those)
3. The Fault In Our Stars contains sex, drinking, and death. It is NOT okay for young girls to be watching.
4. Research shows that growing teenage girls need their sleep. They should be asleep by 10:30, and by allowing them to go to sleep at midnight, you have compromised their health.
Hope this helps! Apologies for not being more clear and providing more info before. I was trying to be mindful of the character limit.