Woman wants a divorce after husband leaves newborn and toddler with teen, 'something was OFF.' AITA?

"AITA for wanting to divorce my husband after he left our newborn and toddler with our teenage daughter while he went out with another woman?"

I feel like I need some outside perspective on a really tough situation. My husband and I have been married for 19 years, and we have three kids together: a 13-year-old daughter, a 2-year-old, and a newborn. Our journey to parenthood wasn’t easy; we faced a lot of fertility struggles, and my husband has been my rock through it all. That’s why this situation has hit me so hard.

Recently, I started thinking about divorce after I realized my husband had left our young children alone at home while he went out on what appears to be a date with another woman. It’s been difficult for me to process everything, and I’m still unsure if I’m overreacting. His parents seem to think it was just a “mild mistake,” but I honestly find that hard to swallow.

A couple of days ago, I decided to take a much-needed “me day.” I told my husband how I felt, and he agreed I could go out for a bit. I went out with my mom and sister for lunch, a mini shopping spree, and we even got our nails done. It was lovely to have some time to unwind.

I left the house around 1 PM, planning to be back around 6 PM. My husband was supposed to be at home with the kids since we didn’t have anyone to babysit on short notice.

While I was out, I received notifications from our Ring camera. Around 5:50 PM, I saw something was happening at the front door. I called my husband, who assured me everything was fine and that he was just picking up pizza. I thought nothing of it, knowing he was with the kids.

Fast forward to around 6 PM when I got another notification that he was back home. Due to the long wait at the nail salon and bad traffic, I didn’t arrive home until about 8 PM.

When I got inside, I immediately noticed something was off; my husband's car was gone. I walked into the house to find my toddler playing with spit, and my newborn was crying uncontrollably. My teenage daughter was in tears because she couldn’t calm the baby down.

I quickly took the baby, changed her, fed her, and got her to bed, checking in with my daughter to see what happened. She told me she didn’t know where her dad was but that he had told her to watch the kids because he had something important to do. I comforted her and reassured her that it was a big task for her to handle alone. I felt awful she had been put in that situation.

My husband finally came home around 10 PM, looking somewhat drunk. When I asked where he had been, he casually claimed he was with “his wife” and having a good time. It felt like a slap in the face. He took off his pants and acted as if everything was normal, completely dismissing what had just happened.

The next day, when I confronted him about his absence, he lied and said he fell asleep at 7:35 PM. I was furious and called him out for being dishonest, insisting I knew he had been out with another woman.

I reached out to my mother-in-law and my own mom for advice, trying to gain some perspective. My MIL minimized it, saying it was a common mistake for men and that I needed to move on for the kids' sake—you know, “they need their father at home.”

I've been doing a lot of soul-searching since that day. Part of me wants to fight for our marriage, to believe we can work through this rough patch. However, another part of me is devastated and feels that I deserve better. I think about filing for divorce, seeking child support, and pursuing full custody of the kids so I can provide them with a stable environment.

So here I am, wondering if I’m being the ahole for even considering divorce. Am I overreacting? Should I be more forgiving because of our history? Or am I justified in wanting to leave this relationship for the happiness and safety of myself and my children? AITA?

Here's what people had to say about this one:

Away-Understanding34 said:

Wtf? I would be seeing a lawyer. He was responsible for the kids and basically abandoned them to get drunk and be with another woman. He's cheating on you. Nothing about this is mild or a mistake. He made a choice to do this. Gain some self respect and kick him to the curb. He's not a good guy.

Infamous-City-4196 said:

NTA. Not even close.He didn’t make a mistake, he made a series of selfish, reckless choices. Leaving a newborn and toddler with a 13 year old so he could go out drinking (likely with another woman) is neglect, not a “normal guy thing.”

Then he lies, gaslights you, comes home drunk, and acts like nothing happened? Nah. You’re not overreacting. You’re waking up. Divorce isn’t cruel, it’s protecting your kids from a man who clearly checked out. Let the enablers whine. You're doing what's right.

DaDuchess-1025 said:

NTA - he's clearly cheating and to me, that is obviously supported by his mother. The good news for him is he will have a place to stay when you put him out. He put your teen and babies at risk. He's put your health at risk. I'm also concerned about what did he say to your daughter, as to why she didn't call you when she was overwhelmed when he left?

You just had a baby, and he couldn't be bothered to stay home for seven hours to be a parent... exactly what are you trying to salvage? Sending you the warmest internet hugs I can. I hope you find a solution that works for you and your children.

fcksiclepizza said:

NTA dude is cheating and bailed when he was supposed to be looking after the kids, and then lied about it.

endor-pancakes said:

NTA, and I'd strongly urge you to cut the chord. I'm all for forgiveness, but it requires contrition before you can even think about it. Quite a lot of contrition, in this case, not just for the cheating but also the abandoning of the kids.

If you let this go while he's pretending nothing happened and mil tries to downplay the seriousness, you're only setting yourself up for a slow but sure avalanche of escalation in the future.

ThatOneGirlyx05 said:

NTA. My view on cheating is pretty simple: whichever party is cheated on should take the other cheating party to the cleaners in the divorce and live happily ever after away from all that BS.

Instead of listening to MIL that 'the kids need their dad home', think about the kind of examples you would be setting for your daughters, that it's okay for a man to cheat on you and treat you badly because he sleeps at home at the end of the night.

Ew. Not only that but he left your teenage daughter home alone to take care of a newborn and a toddler. No matter how responsible she is, a multitude of things could have gone wrong so fast.