Woman wants to keep her tumor a secret from her partner. AITA?
"AITA if I don’t tell my partner I have a tumor?"
I (26f) recently found out I have a tumour on my cervix. I had a biopsy and blood tests yesterday (Thursday) and I won’t receive the results until Monday. Cervical cancer runs in my family and I’m genuinely terrified that the tests might be positive.
Last night my partners (27m) grandmother passed away. They were very close and he seems as okay as one can be considering the circumstances but I really can’t read how he’s feeling. We’ve been together for almost three years and this is the first proper tragedy we’ve been through.
So AITA if I don’t tell my partner about the tumour and my fears? I don’t know if telling him would put too much on his plate right now or if not telling him would be worse. Should I just wait until I have the results?
Additional information: I’m also a single mum to a 4yo, studying at university and all my finals are due this week. I was already stressed beyond breaking before everything that’s happened yesterday and I’m not sure how much more of anything I can take before my brain shuts down completely. I just really don’t know what to do.
I have spoken to my mum about the tumour and she has been telling me not to stress and that everything will be fine. Now I don’t know how to express my fears to her without being shut down.
Let's see what readers thought:
comfortab writes:
NTA. So AITA if I don’t tell my partner about the tumour and my fears? I don’t know if telling him would put too much on his plate right now or if not telling him would be worse. Should I just wait until I have the results?
Since he is already grieving a massive loss, don't tell him until you have the test results. If he asks why you didn't tell him when you had the biopsy, tell him that you didn't want to pile on top of his fresh grief and have him worrying about you and grieving his loss.
I have spoken to my mum about the tumour and she has been telling me not to stress and that everything will be fine. Now I don’t know how to express my fears to her without being shut down.
You need to find someone else who you can confide in cuz your mom just shut you down and out.
freaaa writes:
NAH. I am a cancer patient. If it is easier on you not dealing with having that talk with him, then don't. If you're doing it to protect him then, think hard about it.
In this kind of situation, you have to 100 % put yourself first. Taking complete care of yourself is the best way to ensure that you'll be able to be there for your family once this whole thing is done with.
One thing I will tell you is that if you are starting this journey, think about how your boyfriend might deal with you having waited to tell him. You are setting the tone for the whole journey. Trust is important for both of your mental health.
Lastly, I will tell you that as a mom and a partner, I was constantly amazed at my family's capacity to handle things and really show up for me. We get so used to taking care of everyone's needs and feelings that sometimes we don't know what they're really capable of.
Good luck to you and your family. Not knowing and waiting is the most difficult part. I'm sending you all the good vibes.
mostlaw writes:
NTA. Firstly, I’m sorry to hear about the tumour. It sounds like both you and your partner have a lot on your plate. It’s understandable that you might want to delay telling him about the tumour until you have the results, and that comes from a place of wanting to protect him from additional stress during an already difficult time.
What are your dynamics as a couple? I’m asking because if it’s important to your partner to be able to support you, he might feel let down that you didn’t disclose your health situation and let him support you, especially since you said you’re legit terrified of the risk.
That being said, it’s your body, your rules. I hope you can figure out what it is you best need, and I wish you all the best with your health.
shadow7 writes:
YTA. Isn't cervical cancer caused by the transmissible STD HPV the human papilloma virus?I'm pretty sure this is the case. Which would mean your tumor is caused by an untreated STD that either runs in your family or that you caught along the way. Therefore, you could be passing this along to your partner. He could also have health complications due to this. Full disclosure is absolutely necessary.
feeeerg writes:
YTA. You should tell your loved close ones.