'AITA for wearing a 'gold' dress to a wedding?' UPDATED
"AITA for wearing a 'gold' dress to a wedding?"
I will link the dress, I put gold in quotation markers because I think it's more bronze/orange but maybe I'm splitting hairs and am TA. Some context: My (30F) best friend Dan (30M) got married to Lauren (27F) yesterday. Me and Dan have been best friends since high school and despite always being platonic with no romantic interests on either side, his now wife Lauren has always disliked me.
In their three years of dating I have not been allowed to see Dan alone because she feels that it's suspicious that I want to hang out with him. Honestly I just missed my friend. Despite me being happily married, she's always kept me at arm's length. I always figured this was because she's from a very conservative family.
Dan has spoken to her multiple times and after she'll back off for a bit before reverting to complaining about him being friends with a girl again. It's not ideal but she makes Dan happy so I made my peace with it.
That brings us to the wedding, originally I was going to be in the groom's party but Lauren ended up crying saying a wedding is not a place to swap gender roles. Dan was fighting her on this but I told him I'll just attend as a guest, and not to choose this hill to die on.
The dress code was "Warm tone garden party" and we were encouraged to wear earthy warm colors. I picked out a bronze / orange dress that I thought fit this perfectly and the style even matched some examples they gave, in short I thought I had nailed it.
The wedding went great however at the reception Lauren dragged me aside and said "I cannot believe you would wear gold to my wedding, you're not the first prize you're just f**king trashy." I was so shocked in the moment I just stared at her. She practically screamed at me to leave and she was drawing attention so I grabbed my husband, said good bye to Dan and left.
Dan reached out after and told me he was upset I left his wedding so soon. Lauren's mum has texted me saying I ruined the wedding for her daughter and I'm stupid for wearing a gold dress, she's saying its as bad as wearing white. I was genuinely not aware this was a thing. I want to reach out to Dan to explain but I don't know if I'm in the wrong here. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Aether-Wind said:
I don't think it would have mattered what color your dress was. The (now) wife hates you and was gonna find something to yell at you for whatever you wore. If it wasn't the dress color, it would have been something else. Tell your friend why you left early, and make sure he knows how his wife treats you. NTA.
elsie78 said:
NTA. You need to let Dan know why you left, and that you're getting texts from her family. But be ready, now that they are married, she's going to cut off your friendship most likely...You did nothing wrong. That dress is exactly what the dress code called for.
jrm1102 said:
NTA - I feel like anything you wore would have been a problem given her unhinged reaction.
enchylatta said:
NTA I don't understand how what someone wears "ruin" a wedding. Someone wore a gold sequin skin tight minidress to my son's wedding (a spring time afternoon garden party) and the wedding was not ruined. People who wear inappropriate clothing only reflect poorly on themselves, not on the bride or groom or their families.
Your dress was not inappropriate - it was beautiful and fit into the color scheme specified by the bride (I also do not understand the whole tell the attendees what to wear but I am old so what do I know). The bride would have an issue with you no matter what you wore.
Zazzog said:
NTA. Dan's in big trouble, sounds like. As for reaching out, you definitely should. Do what you can to not lose your friend over his psycho, trashy (isn't it funny how people project?) wife and in-laws.
Delicious-Ball156 said:
Knew Lauren was an AH at the “warm toned garden party” dress code. And, for the record, as someone who works in the wedding industry, gold being as bad as white is not a thing. NTA.
UPDATE:
Wow guys, I genuinely didn’t know what to expect posting to strangers on this, but I am so thankful to my husband for suggesting this. I needed a non-biased view on this "wearing gold to a wedding" issue, and now it’s clear that that was never the issue.
Many of you asked if the dress I wore stood out, and honestly I know I’m biased saying this, but I genuinely don’t think so. Another girl was wearing the exact same dress but in a dark red which we had a laugh about.
Slip dresses are a pretty common wedding guest dress where I am, and it was the type of dress that was recommended by the bride. I think many of you were right in saying that it was never about the dress, but how I looked wearing it.
I do want to start this update by thanking my husband who suggested I post here and been having a ball reading your comments since posting and even posting a photo of us this morning with a caption along the lines of "my gold prize of a wife, I am winning in life thanks to you."
Turns out Dan found out pretty quickly what actually happened and called me last night. Apparently Lauren’s mum had told him I was really drunk and told Lauren her dress wasn’t “it” so I was requested to leave.
Dan had his suspicions that it was bullsh*t but it wasn’t until his mum calling him that confirmed it. Turns out she was nearby when Lauren pulled me aside and ironically was actually wearing a yellow-gold dress and "tore him a new one" about letting Lauren treat me like that.
Dan didn’t have a solution when he called, I could tell he was emotionally exhausted and pretty defeated. He said he wished I had taken it out on the open bar rather than leaving, but he understood why I left. He thanked me for taking the high road and that it hasn’t gone unnoticed.
He apologized for what happened, apparently this is an ongoing fight between him and Lauren. For all of those who said Lauren just hates me, turns out it’s 100% true. Apparently, she has been trying to convince Dan to cut me off "because that’s what a good husband does." He said he thought she had gotten over it now that they were married.
I told him that he needs to focus on his happiness, and that I will always be here to support him and that I will take a step back if that’s what he needs. They were supposed to leave for their honeymoon yesterday but when Dan called they were still at home, so who knows.
I’ve blocked Lauren and her mum and forwarded the messages to Dan as recommended. Thanks again everyone for your comments and judgement.