'AITA for not continuing a relationship with my ex wife's daughter?'
"AITA for not continuing a relationship with my ex wife's daughter?"
My wife of 8 years had an affair with a co worker. I stayed married to her because our daughters have been together since they were 2 and 3. She had an affair with the same guy again so I threw her out and divorced her.
Now, she texts me and emails me despite me telling her to leave me alone, begging me to have a relationship with her daughter and to allow my daughter to have one with her as well. I've explained to her several times that they aren't sisters and I'm not her daughters father.
Her own father is a POS, so, I get it but that's not my problem any more. She should have considered the consequences of her actions before she did anything. I was okay with raising a kid that isn't mine while we were married but she she showed her appreciation for that by cheating so now she doesn't get access to me in any capacity.
She tells me I'm cruel and heartless because her kid is miserable without us. I told her to ask the guy she cheated on me with to raise her kid. AITA??
Here's what people had to say to OP:
How many kids that aren't yours are you raising?
None, now. I raised her son and was raising her daughter. Done.
For 8 years? since they were 2 or 3 and you feel nothing? Why punish the kids for sins of the mother? Holy moly you are kind of spineless eh?
I actually think YTA
Thanks for your honesty. Care to elaborate?
Well your wife is definitely the bigger AH but I wouldn’t abandon a kid I raised or prevent my kid from seeing who is essentially her sister. Kids matter more than adult drama.
FML. This is why I never remarried.
Smart. You'll ALWAYS feel like YOURE TA. Zero accountability.
Maybe you should pick more wisely.
I should pick more wisely? How? Like I said, very skilled liars. I thought I was picking wisely. Classy move blaming the guy who did everything right and still got wronged.
Go to therapy and find out why you attract and are attracted to these kinds of people. You will learn the "tells", so that you quit picking the wrong people.
NTA, but I am a little surprised that it was so easy for you to throw her away like that? 8 years? It’s not your fault. It’s not your responsibility. But it does seem a little odd?
She cheated. I forgave her, took her back, went to marriage counseling, took her on exotic vacations, proposed marriage to her again with a better ring in a romantic setting, took her to the place she dreamed of as a little girl, all in the span of a year, and found out she started cheating with him again about 7 months into the year.
All while eating s^%$ from her kids (the other two are grown) and covering her biological father's financial burden because he's an a^%$ole. That's how I got repaid. Call me a simp or whatever you want but I didn't just throw her away after 8 years. I fought like he'll for our marriage. Turns out, I was the only one.
I’m talking about the CHILD. I don’t give a s(*^ about your ex-wife.
NTA, of course, the exes daughter is upset. More than likely, she isn't aware of the details of the divorce, nor should she be. What she does know is that you and her mom are done. I'm guessing that you were her 'solid' parental figure. With that being said, in no way is this yours to carry. Mom should have thought about the consequences of her actions.
Not only is she well aware of what happened (turns out, both girls knew it all the first time because her oldest son told them), but now she's parading the boyfriend around in front of the daughter. He's still married, by the way so not only is she learning her mom is a wrecker of two homes, she is learning that it's something to be proud of.
What does your daughter think?
She was sad at first but she's had 6 months to process all of this and understands what happened and that she did nothing wrong. She is well aware of who is to blame for all of this.
I am obviously the odd man out here, but like ESH. I completely understand OP's perspective of not wanting his ex-wife to get access to him in any capacity, but I also don't think the child should be punished because her mom sucks.
I honestly don't know how that situation would look/work, maintaining contact with the child and not the ex. I just know I couldn't punish a kid because of their parents' actions
I'm not punishing her kid. I'm not even punishing my ex. I simply don't want the ex influencing my child either directly or via her daughter. Her kid is being raised to be a bad woman.
She's being shown that it's acceptable to destroy your family (including the kids), to not control your impulses, to have blatant disregard for people who have sacrificed for you and for vows, and that it's someone else's fault when they hold you accountable to your bad behavior. Im raising a good girl who will grow up to be a good woman. I don't need those people around us.
You asked, I gave my opinion. We don't have to agree. I personally couldn't hold kids accountable for an adults actions 🤷🏼♀️
I get it but posts like this, of which there are many, prove that the child that is not one’s own is not as important or loved and there’s a thin veil of attachment.
I took on the responsibility of raising another mans kid. I wouldn't have done that if I wasn't with her mom. No mom, no kid. That's how blended families work. Harsh but it didn't have to be this way. It's this way because of her mom's poor choices.
I hope she grows up and gets that and holds it against her mom for the rest of her life. You don't get to pi#$ on me and then expect me to do good things for you and your kids. Not how life works.
YTA. You didn't leave the first time she cheated, dude. That told HER that you would stick around if she ever cheated again. And then she twisted the knife by sleeping with the exact same guy. You not only forgave her cheating, but you let her stay at the same job with the affair partner?! It was basically INEVITABLE man!
I didn't let her stay there; The marriage counselor told me that making her quit is controlling her and that nobody has the right to control anyone else. Learned a very valuable lesson: It's over after they cheat onces. No counseling. No forgiveness. Just done.
NTA but I have a question. If your x's daughter called you herself or saw you in public would you ignore her or talk to her? Considering you were a part of her life more than not a part of her life I feel like you probably developed some type of connection before your x cheated.
I agree that you have no obligation to that girl but I wonder how much of your coldness is a product of you receiving the info from someone you currently don't like.
If her daughter were to contact me once grown, I'd speak with her. I miss her. I love her but her mom is just going to use her to fish for information and keep tabs. She's already done it. It's why we (my daughter and I) had to go bo contact.