Working parent asks 'AITA for leaving my husband with a fussy baby?'
"AITA for leaving my husband with a fussy baby?"
My husband and I have a 4 month old. Before he was born, we toured a few daycares, but ultimately decided to try to get through the first year of our baby's life without childcare.
We have flexible enough jobs that my husband could shift his work to 7:30am-3:30pm and I can work 3:30pm-6:30pm. I agreed to try to create a schedule where the baby is napping at 3:30 to ensure a smoother transition.
This later became a request from my husband that he nap from 3:30 to 4pm so that he would have an opportunity to decompress. I have struggled to ensure this 100% of the time. In addition, the baby recently has been very cranky when he does wake up and my husband is finding him hard to console.
Previously, the baby had a blowout during my husband's time and he noted that the diaper seemed loose. I made it a point to give him a tight diaper after that. Today, he had another blowout with my husband and he said the diaper seemed loose again.
He showed that he typically puts it on much tighter and I acknowledged that I do not typically make it that tight and that I would in the future make it even tighter. He proceeded to tell me that he feels I am doing things that sabotage his time and leave him with an inconsolable baby.
I swore (and do believe) that I am working very hard to set him up for success (arranging his naps and feedings, holding him for naps earlier in the day to prevent him from being overtired, getting bottles and other supplies ready) but he does not believe me because I did not make the diaper tight enough.
I do not want to quit my job, but did bring up the option today. He told me that I should not and that he would expect me to continue to pay the bills if I did. But he also said the baby needs to be with me and that I there is an obvious answer.
I keep trying to set realistic expectations with him about his time with the baby, but he feels there is more I can do to create a better experience. He does not want outside help and is adamant that we cannot do daycare until baby is a year old.
Here's what the top commenters had to say:
tatersprout said:
NTA. Your husband is unreasonable. He acts as though you are sabotaging him. This child is his too, and he needs to step up and take care of him. Babies have leaky diapers, don't always sleep when you want them to, and aren't always easy. They are tiny humans, not robots. I am sorry but your husband has no respect for you.
EquipmentNo5776 said:
You care for your baby all day and then go to work with no break or downtime and he's complaining he has to take on the same amount of work because why? If only we could make children extremely predictable and sit quietly while we care for ourselves- it's why parents get burned out.
You aren't responsible for making your child content during dad's time and he needs to reevaluate the expectation. If he isn't managing then he should accept outside help (daycare). I have 2 in diapers and I havent figured out any magic trick to stopping blowouts. 1000% NTA.
Also want to add 4 month olds have sleep regressions and sleep patterns go absolutely haywire, once again, not your fault!
ParsimoniousSalad said:
NTA. You don't need anyone to make the baby's diaper extra tight for you. There are also simply times that a baby is extra fussy. He's a parent, he can cope. But he is extra the A.H. for saying that you are both responsible for the baby (including during his time) and for paying the bills. You have more than one fussy person at home.
Natural_War1261 said:
When do you get time alone to decompress? You are definitely NTA.
Slave2themusik said:
NTA. He can find a way to settle the baby while you work. Your job is part time, and you're entitled your work time, just as he is. You're being accommodating and trying to find solutions.
He needs to realize that the baby is a living human who is still adjusting to being alive. There will be changes and he needs to be able to be flexible, rather than stressing you out, or crying sabotage.