'AITA for yelling at another parent during pickup for calling my son the wrong name?' UPDATED

"AITA for yelling at another parent during pickup?"

I tried to type this out without using the name, and it wasn't comprehensible. So if anyone I know sees this, no you didn't. Here's what happened.

My son's name is Robin. It's just those five letters. It's not a nickname. The mom of one of the kids in his class is convinced his name is Robert. She volunteers at pickup. I'll drive up and she'll go to get my son yelling "Robert, Robert!"

Now, the first few weeks I brushed it off because learning the names of a bunch of different kids is hard. I would just tell her when she came back over with my son "actually his name is Robin."

I've said this almost every single day for over a month now. Last week I saw her at a school function and went up and introduced myself and basically said "I'm Robin's father. You might recognize me from pickup. By the way, his name isn't Robert."

Her response confounded me. She said Robin is a girl's name (it's unisex, but it's way more common for boys, so what??) and not a good nickname for Robert, so she'll call him his real name instead. I tried to correct her, since Robin isn't a nickname, but she wandered away. The next time she walked up to my car I got annoyed and said "I'm here for Robin. R O B I N." She did it again.

On Friday, when she called my son Robert, I asked her what her problem was in a very loud voice. I shouted loud enough that a teacher ran over. The volunteer mom ran away, and I tried to explain. The teacher looked at me like I had three heads and said she would go get my son. I got an email later asking me to come in Monday for a meeting.

I don't know how to approach this. Should I apologize for yelling? Should I demand an apology for the constant disrespect? Should I ask the mom not be allowed to volunteer anymore (or at least not get my son)? I feel like I tried to be reasonable, but maybe I was too sensitive?

What do you think? AITA? Was he too sensitive? This is what top commenters had to say:

No_Carob2670 said:

NTA -- what IS her problem???? Does she do this to any other kids, whose names she decides are inappropriate?

OP responded:

I have no idea. I know there's a girl named Charlie in the class. I'm somewhat tempted to look up her parents on Facebook and ask. But that would be weird, so I won't.

Status-Pattern7539 said:

NTA. Email back. “I look forward to meeting with you to discuss volunteer parent bullying my child and an appropriate course of action going forward to prevent this from continuing “

PetuniaGoBlue said:

NTA. “While I wish I’d held my temper on Friday, I was at my wits end with this woman bullying my child by calling him a different name from his given one. I’ve reminded Mrs. [volunteer mom] on numerous occasions that his name is Robin, but she refuses to call him anything it Robert, which is not his name. If this were another child doing this to Robin, I’d expect the school to intervene and stop the behavior.

As it was a parent, I was hoping an adult would see that calling a child a different name was mean, but the only response I got was an insistence on calling him Robert because they believed Robin a girl’s name. Honestly, I wouldn’t have expected this response from an adult. She continued to call him Robert, and I defended my child once again on Friday.

At this point, if she can’t stop, I’d prefer her to be removed from the volunteers. I particularly dislike that someone who represents the school, even if it’s just in a volunteer capacity, treats children this way. Please tell me how you plan to address this and make it right.”

And KrisTDawn1985 said:

NTA, you don't get to just erase people's names/identity just because you don't like them. Please don't go into that meeting with the school with anything less than indignation over the way your son is being treated

He later shared this update:

My wife did reach out to Charlie's mom on Facebook to ask if the weird pickup mom called Charlie by a different name as well. According to Charlie's mom, weird pickup mom calls Charlie Charlotte (and Charlie is her legal name, not that it matters).

Charlie's mom is not a fan of this, but she assumed it was a mistake and didn't want to say anything because she knows pickup is hectic and confusing and there are a lot of kids with similar names. My wife shared my story, and Charlie's mom agreed to email me this information, so I could bring it up in the meeting if needed.

Charlie's mom also said she would reach out to some other parents with questions about weird pickup mom. A lot of these kids went to kindergarten together, but our son did not, so we don't know many of these parents very well yet. Charlie's mom was really nice and helpful, and she and my wife even set up a playdate for our kids. So, regardless of how the meeting turns out, one nice thing came of this?

Meeting & pickup: So, first of all, my wife came to the meeting with me which was hugely inconvenient for her, but I'm glad she was there, because she doesn't really tolerate BS. So, we got there, and the teacher and principal were there.

My wife didn't really let them say anything until she'd gone over everything with weird pickup mom in relation to our son and also Charlie and potencially other kids. The principal was really surprised.

The principal said the teacher would talk to the other mom. I apologized for yelling, and we all shook hands. At pickup that day, weird pickup mom wouldn't look me in the eye. She didn't call Robin Robert or by his actual name. She was quiet the whole time. Sorry it's all so anticlimactic.