'AITA for yelling at my wife after she told her family about our new financial situation?'
"AITA for yelling at my wife after she told her family about our new financial situation?"
Inevitable_Nebula_83
Recently found out I will be inheriting some properties and a significant amount of money. I told my wife, but made it clear that this is only between us and she's not to tell anyone, especially her big mouth sister. I don't want anyone to know about the inheritance, invest almost all of the money, hire a property management company, and intend to keep our current lifestyle.
Last night at dinner with her parents and siblings, out of nowhere, her father congratulated me on my impending windfall, and my brother-in-law pulled me aside to ask about the houses I'll be receiving.
He and his wife, my wife's big mouth sister, have been saving for a house but haven't saved enough yet, and their credit scores are low. I was very angry with my wife the entire night, but I kept it in check.
On the drive home, I yelled at her. I admit it wasn't my finest hour, but she did the exact thing I told her not to do. She argued that my secrecy demand was not right and that she had the right and duty to tell her family about our financial situation because it is also her financial situation.
We argued for hours. So when I finally had enough, I told her she can't be trusted to keep our secrets and that I'm not telling her anything else about the inheritance from this minute on.
I said that in the heat of the moment, but the more I think about it, the more it makes sense. She tells her sister everything and whatever her sister knows, everyone knows. I don't want the entire city to know what's going on with our bank account.
We're due to meet our attorney and later a financial adviser next week, but I think I'll change that appointment to just me. Just to be clear, she's free to discuss anything with her family. I've only had 2 topics she's not allowed to talk about, my health and our finances. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Mother_Search3350
Go without her. Unless you want them blowing up your phone with endless money requests and demands for you to put their kids through college and pay off their mortgages. Don't tell her the nitty gritties of how you are investing the money or anything like that.
Keep the inheritance in a separate account where your wife cannot access the money and share it out to her family who seem to think they won the Lottery. Her duty to tell her family, your duty to keep your own family's affairs away from them. NTA.
Open_Equal_1515
Alright, let’s get this straight.. you had one request—keep the inheritance info under wraps—and your wife thought it was the perfect family dinner convo opener? Seems like her “right and duty” to tell her family things overrides your “right and duty” to not have the whole extended fam house-hunting on your dime.
Honestly, the real surprise isn’t the inheritance; it’s that she didn’t tweet it out with #blessed. but hey, now you know how loose her lips really are, so maybe next time you keep the secrets under tighter wraps—like, Fort Knox style!!
babygirlxolara
She had one rule to follow...wow. Just wow. Go without her obviously, there's no reason for you to risk everybody knowing as much as you do. NTA.
Ok-Meal9938
NTA, she’s made it clear her family are more important to her than your wishes. I’d really think about this because she’s said to you they will always come first.
donname10
Nta but wow. Cannot trust this woman a bit. How can you live with this woman. Be prepare for her family to ask money from you onward. Didn't you see this behavior before marry her? If you did then you're the ah for still trusting her at this point.
gringaellie
NTA but you need to take steps to protect this or her family will be convincing her to divorce you and take half if they can't manipulate her for money whilst married to you.
frozenbroccolis
NTA, she’s made it clear her family are more important to her than your wishes. I’d really think about this because she’s said to you they will always come first.
Corfiz74
You should inform her that it is NOT, in fact, HER financial situation, because inheritances are NOT part of the marital assets, so by keeping them completely separate from her, you make sure you don't commingle assets and get to keep your inheritance intact in case of divorce. I'd consult with a lawyer to make sure you set it up the right way.
cmooneychi26
OP, please don't forget that inheritance is not a marital asset (if you are in the US). Make sure absolutely nothing is in a joint account. And I personally would get a PO box for everything related to these properties and any accounts associated with the inheritance. Your wife can't be trusted, and her family will try to sink their claws into you. Good luck.