Woman names daughter after sister's bully, says her 'childish trauma' isn't her baby's problem. AITA?
'AITA for telling my sister she doesn't get to force our family to pretend we like her daughter's name?'
Exciting-Ad9229
My sister gave birth to her first child two months ago and named her Olivia. The name Olivia has a bit of a history with our family. To make a long story short, I was bullied by a girl named Olivia for years. My parents had to move me out of our local small school into a bigger one and it did not stop there.
What started as an 8 year old being mean and cruel at times turned into a 16 year old being arrested for harassing and making my life absolutely hell and going so far that she was considered a stalker.
It was so bad that from the ages of 12 to 16 I did not leave home without one of my parents or one of my older brothers, who were several years older than me. It was also so bad that my parents had to call the police on a few occasions where Olivia followed me home and was outside our house trying to get to me.
To say this was a huge ordeal for all of us is an understatement and to say it left me with some mental scarring would be an even larger understatement. So when my sister announced that her daughter's name was Olivia, it was a shock. My mom asked her if she was serious and my sister grew defensive and said of course she was serious.
She said that Olivia is the most popular name right now and for good reason, because it's a beautiful name. My brothers told her she was insensitive and that they had no idea she cared so little about me. Which added to the defensiveness. Dad didn't say a lot. But he told her it would take some time for us all to adjust to the name.
She did not like that. I actually didn't say anything but she started ranting and raving about how many people are named Olivia and we're not acting like that about them.
I wasn't there for the whole thing but my mom and oldest brother apparently told her that she had every right to name her child whatever they wanted, but that they felt she was very unfair to me, and that she had to understand what I had been through was something they would never fully grasp.
Mom said she is an adult and old enough to accept that people have feelings and sometimes those feelings will matter more than other's feelings. My sister contacted me directly after a few weeks of our family not coming around.
She said it was all my fault and that I should have been the one to say something positive about the name, that I could have turned the tide with the family. I told her that was a name tied up with a lot of trauma for me.
She called it bullsh*t and said I am old enough now (20) to be mature about it and to not take it out on her and her daughter. She said I had no right to hate a name because of a single person.
I told her that she's old enough to understand she can't force our family to pretend we like her daughter's name. I told her SHE is old enough to give us the time that was asked for and that none of us said it was ugly or awful. But it's associated with my worst memories. She told me we were trying to influence what she could and couldn't name her daughter and it made us a**holes, especially me. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
678triple98212_
NTA. There is so many beautiful names to choose that it’s really ironic she settled on the one single name of a person who made your childhood living hell. I’m sure at some point in the future you will all get acclimated to this but if she doesn’t understand that disassociating that name from your bully will take time and that this is a shock then she should go to a therapist who can better explain it to her.
ManyYou918
Maybe her sister holds some resentment to the family having to take care of OP for so much of her childhood. it's an awful situation and it is not a coincidence the sister chose this name. She could have chosen Emma, Sophia, Isabella, or Ava if she wanted a really popular baby name.
Edit: just to make it clear I think OP is NTA and that the sister's resentment is not a justified reason for the rest of the family to be totally fine with the name Olivia. The sister sucks.
Magician_In_Black
NTA, I can't find the logic in your sister's decision. Has there been any sibling rivalry between you? This is just stupid and/or nasty.
TrayMc666
NTA Your sister knew exactly what she was doing when she chose that name. It is not your fault that your family members feel empathy about the situation with your childhood. Your sister has no right to call bullsh*t or to tell you how you should be feeling. She chose the name she so badly wanted. It’s up to her to persuade people it was a good choice in this set of circumstances.
PleaseCoffeeMe
Almost feels like your sister is being passive aggressive and attempting to get back at you, perhaps because you got so much attention due to the trauma you suffered, and most of your family members by extension suffered? Either way, you and your family have handled it well. Sister, not so much. Actions have consequences. NTA.