'My ex BFF married my ex and hired me to make a cake for their son's birth.' UPDATED
Friends and family are suppose to be the bedrock of one's support system.
When that is stripped away from you, it can be shocking and devastating. One woman shared the story of how she lost her husband and her best friend but gained a catering gig. I know, but really, give it a read.
Getting cheated on and getting a divorce made me realize how much I was missing from life.
I (33F) just wanted to share this with everyone who is going through a divorce or a heart break for a similar reason. I married someone who I loved with all my heart. We met in college and right after graduation we got married.
I decided to stay home because my husband (34M) made a lot of money. I gave him everything. Supported his business, cooked for him, cleaned for him. Basically babied him a lot because I was in love with him.
I thought if I was a good wife and nurtured him, he would love me back. And for like 5 years it was good. I discovered he was cheating on me when I found a random receipt from a hotel. I investigated a little and found out he was in fact cheating on me. And his AP (affair partner) was my best friend Kylie (31F).
I was betrayed by 2 of my closest people. Kylie gave me a vague excuse that she didn't want to hurt me but she just fell in love with him. His excuse was 'You do not make me feel special anymore. You have just got boring and let yourself go.'
I agree I was a little chubby back then because of my medicines. Also I was always too tired to workout. I tried the path of reconciliation but failed. He left me for Kylie. This whole incident made me realize who are my real friends and who are fake ones.
There were people who are neutral but only 2 of them, Josh and Marie were on my side and cut off Kylie. I was really devastated. I felt like without him, I was no one. I lost my husband, my best friend, my house, my life. I stayed with Marie for a while.
She offered me a small job in her catering business. I love food. When I was married, I would make a different variety of food for my ex husband. Cooking was just very therapeutic to me.
During that time, Marie's mom gave me some useful advice. That is 'An average human lives for 75 years. You are already 27. Are you that stupid that you want to waste the rest of your life being sad over a man who never loved you?'
That thing really stuck with me. I have trust issues because of my husband's infidelity. I had trouble dating so I skipped it for a while. I focused on working on myself. I socialized with a lot of people while I was catering and made a lot of connections.
I always wanted to start a business of my own. And since I loved creating food, a customer I was catering for actually gave me an idea to start a baking business. My friends also helped me a lot. I build a pretty small yet successful baking business within couple of years.
I started to feel more like myself now that I was free. I didn't realize I had so much free time on my hands because I wasn't busy taking care of a large human. My house was clean. No one was putting dirty laundry on the floor. No one was telling me to make something else because they were not in mood for a certain dish. Nobody put dirty dishes in the sink.
I started to embrace this solidarity. I know those things I mentioned are not something that is big but it was a huge relief. Moreover, no one questions me whenever I go out. I don't have to answer to anyone before going out.
I can spontaneously go on a long drive and I don't have to ask for permission. I learned a new language in my free time. I focused more on family and friends who genuinely love me.
And getting dumped has made me see the red flags I missed in my marriage. I used that as a lesson to steer clear of any trash men in my life. I dated a few men but they didn't seem nice to me. But it didn't bother me a lot. I am happy being single and carefree.
I see my divorce as a blessing to me rather than a curse. I do feel alone sometimes but recently I got a call from Kylie saying that she regrets marrying my ex. Because he never appreciates her and always puts the burden of everything on her.
They have 2 kids now. But my ex doesn't help her with any chores. She is always tired and exhausted after taking care of 2 kids and an adult. It just made me realize that it would have been me if my husband didn't cheat on me with Kylie.
I simply told her 'Well you said you loved him so he is your problem now. What's the point of coming to me?' That B!tch has the audacity to say she wanted a friend. I blocked her number. I don't want to be in their lives.
Sometimes I feel like I missed my prime because I am now 33. It feels too old to start over. But I still have hope for love one day. I am currently dating a guy who is also divorced like me because his wife cheated on him. So we will see how that goes.
After reading her story, here is what people had to say:
And the gag is the ex is probably having another Kylie on the side of his wifekylie. Good on you! Congratulations on everything you achieved on your own.
Currently going through a divorce after finding out my wife was cheating and I've been pretty miserable and lonely and broken. But this was a nice read <3
I'm dating at the moment, a lot of women around my age (36) are looking back at their wasted twenties: the kids they never really wanted, the marriage they signed-up for to get approval from their parents...now they are free of it and happy for it.
“She wanted a friend” well she had one but decided to f*ck her husband behind her back. Now she “won” a bad husband who is probably holding auditions for the role of mistress that’s freed up.
I am freaking laughing at this. It sounds like she wanted the life OP had but not the responsibilities. I mean obviously her ex husband sounds like a man child (he told OP to cook another dish because he didn't have mood for one). Kylie won but at what cost? She got the man she fell in love with. I am really eager to know if the husband is cheating again or not.
33 is still very young. You have many years ahead of you. Why not glow up? Use this as an opportunity to do and get everything you ever wanted and didn't have an opportunity before since he was holding you down? No better revenge against your ex and his ho than living your best life.
Good for you for moving on and leaving all this behind! And your prime is not in your 20s when you have low self esteem and boundaries, it comes much later in life. That snake Kylie deserves everything coming for her. If I were you I would have forwarded the screenshot to your ex husband so he also knows his wife is complaining to his ex.
Life is freeing when you start living for yourself! I’m sure you’re gonna have a lovely time without them in your life. Also it’s never too old to start over! Many people do, so please keep living the life you want
The OP returned 4 days later with an update.
My ex-bestfriend, who is married to my ex-husband hired me to make a cake for her son's birth.
I (33F) am in a bit of dilemma. You see, my ex-bestfriend (31F) had an affair with my ex-husband (34M) when we were married. Our friendship fell apart right over there. I didn't have any contact with her until a month ago.
She called me and said she is not happy with her life. I have moved on with my life. I don't need their shenanigans. I run a small baking business. It is relatively new. I only take orders for cakes on occasions like birthdays, graduation or reunion (except for weddings).
I have some plans to expand it and also have a dream to open a bakery of my own one day. A few days ago, I get an order from my ex-bestfriend.
She wanted me to make desserts for her son's 1st birthday. And she doesn't just want me to make a birthday cake. She also wants a dessert section in the birthday party. It is a huge order and the pay is good. It will be good for my business.
But as you can see she and I have a history. This made me question. Why does she want me to do it? My ex comes from a well to do family. He also has a high paying job. She could easily hire the best baker in town. Why does she want me to do it?
My business is not that big. It made me feel like she is trying to grab my attention. Or just trying to sabotage my business. Or maybe she wants to talk to me after I shunned her the last time.
On the other hand, the business woman inside me says to take it, I know I can do it. The party is huge. There will be many people from affluent background. I can promote my business to those people. It will boost my revenue as well.
I am thinking if I just avoid her as much as possible then it will be good. But I don't know. I am stuck in between. I need some good advice.
Here is what readers advised:
Take it. Make them the best cake you can. Show them that you’re not bothered y either of them. The best payback is no payback.
After reading this saga I am wondering if you ex best friend is trying to use this to get you to talk with her. I personally would not trust her for anything. My concern is that yes there will be a lot of influential people there and this could promote your business. Conversely she could also turn on you if it is not perfect and ruin you. Considering her backstabbing history that would not be a risk I would want to take.
I wouldn‘t take the job. She could use this as a chance to ruin your reputation. Idk, put a hair into your cake or exclaimed you are a bad baker? You don‘t need that money, you have the power to choose not to interact with them. Why would you want their money anyway? Your cheating ex husbands money?
I don't think you should do it. You've said there's a lot of interaction when planning the bake and you're likely to have to stay for the party.
You might be over the ex and ex best friend but there's some weird game going on here and the idea of you having to be on display at their party while whatever the fuck they're playing at unravels around you while you're surrounded by your former in-laws sounds like nightmare fuel.
I have a suspicion you are a pawn and no matter how professional you are, you will be dragged in to their drama. Taking the job in hopes you can get business from their friends will only work if your ex and ex friend allow you to stay all business. Do you really think that will happen?
Could you hire someone to be the face? Do all the baking, but hire someone else to attend and do the set up/ break down. That way you can take their money without paying whatever they are trying to get. And it keeps a healthy boundary between you and them. Just charge a bit extra for the hire.
She might be trying to show off that she has a child with your ex, or she may feel guilty and believe that she is trying to help your business by giving you a large order. It could go either way. If the sale will help your business, you should do it.
It seemed like this would be the end of the saga and we would never know what she chose to do. But today, March 8th, she returned:
I totally forgot about this post. A lot of people have been asking me what I decided. Sorry to disappoint you guys I accepted the order.
It looked too good to pass it to someone else. Call me a greedy businesswoman all you want. But like you said ask for advance payment. I did ask for it. They paid in advance. I always ask for advance full payment. I also minimized the contacts with my ex-bsf.
So far the interaction between us has been through e-mail and also I have an assistant who is a family friend. He knows my situation and is a middle man.
I am documenting everything. I know I am taking a huge risk with this. But I am willing to see where it goes. Also I got to know hiring me was my ex-husband's idea. Not hers. My ex heard about my service from a colleague of his and wanted to hire me.
I haven't talked to my ex about this. Most of my communications has been with my ex-bsf. Nothing big happened. I am still working on it. I will post a full update after all of this is done. Stay tuned.