'AITA if I get a vasectomy even though my gf doesn't want me to?' UPDATE
"AITA if I get a vasectomy even though my gf doesn't want me to?"
Here's the original post:
So, me (M24) & my gf (F25) have been together for just over 3 years. We've been having sex using both condoms & the pill because we figured condoms long term probably aren't effective enough on their own, & i thought it would be unfair if she had to shoulder the whole burden of b.c. by herself (i know condoms are nothing compared to b.c. symptoms but it's the only thing i can really do)
So a couple of months ago she had been side effects from her pill that she'd never really had before, so i suggested that she could just stop it & i could have a vasectomy instead. I've talked about it a little with her before (not much though) but it has always been something in the back of my mind because it just seemed... easy to be honest.
She said she agreed with the stopping b.c. but she didn't want me to get a vasectomy. I asked her why (we've both said we're not really into kids) & she said she might change her mind about having a kid. I have already a BUNCH of stored sperm in a clinic
(something personal happened a few years ago too much detail to go into but basically was told by doctors to store a bunch if i wanted any because it might not be fertile for long after) anyways, thankfully I'm still fertile & told her i could freeze even more so we could have plenty to work with but she was still adamant about me not getting it.
It's even also sometimes reversible & even if all of that failed we could still adopt a cute as hell kid. There's literally no reason i can see why & whenever i ask she just says she doesn't wanna regret letting me to do this. I know lots of people are probably thinking that i just cant be bothered to wear condoms anymore but thats really not it,
1. they don't even affect how sex feels that much & 2. it's more about me worrying about an accidental pregnancy. my gf has always been adamant she would have an abortion because she really doesn't want kids atm (which either way, keep it or not, i would obviously completely support btw) but i dont want her to have to go through that
Obviously im NOT just gonna sneak a quick snip & not tell her, but would i really be that much of an a-hole if i just tell her that i'm just going to get it done end of story? I'd be heartbroken if that made her want to end our relationship (obviously i wouldn't hold it against her though because if it bothers her that much she's entitled to that) & i REALLY hope it doesn't but...
I honestly just feel like a dog on a leash, but it really bugs me that she is not even considering what i want at all. Part of me thinks this might be about her maybe thinking that if i have it done i might be like less of a man or something, at the same time that just seems absolutely stupid, but honestly there is nothing else i can think of why it's bothering her so much i just wish she would talk to me. GRRRR
What do you think he should do? This is what top commenters had to say:
whatvuhfucc said:
NTA. Your body, your choice
Mac4491 said:
NAH - It's ultimately your decision. She can of course have an opinion but the decision is yours alone to make. You both seem relatively undecided on whether children are in your future and if one day you do decide you want kids you've very clearly pointed out why that's still very possible.
Mac4491 said:
NAH - It's ultimately your decision. She can of course have an opinion but the decision is yours alone to make. You both seem relatively undecided on whether children are in your future and if one day you do decide you want kids you've very clearly pointed out why that's still very possible.
PowerWisdomCourage said:
NTA. If you stored some semen, there's no reason not to and it's your body. She doesn't really have a say. You do what is best for you and what you're most comfortable with. If she wants to end a relationship because she can't control you, there's not much of a reason to stay anyway.
Verdict: NTA.
He later shared this update on the situation:
I would like to thank everyone who took time to respond as all the responses were very helpful. The majority of people thought that i was not the ahole, but they also thought that my girlfriend had decided she did want kids but just didn't want to actually say it yet.
Everyone thought differently on whether my gf was TA or not but I think she was 100% entitled to give me her opinion because obviously it is a dealbreaker for some people.
So, I decided to just flat out ask her if she had changed her mind about wanting kids. She hesitated a bit, but eventually she said yes, and that she was hoping to have one with me sometime in the future. I love her so much and I was so shattered when she said that (especially hearing how she wanted to have one with me specifically) because I can't give her what she wants,
as unfortunately I still really don't want kids. I told her that and I think that was when we both realised that we both have very different lives ahead of us that unfortunately don't seem to involve each other (not as romantic partners anyway). Obviously were both really heartbroken and just sat there crying with each other for a bit, but I think this was the best thing for both of us.
I still love her a lot and am sad my time with this wonderful woman is over. I am truly grateful to have spent the best three years of my life with her. I wish so badly I could give her what she wants but unfortunately it's not what I want. Again thank you to everyone who took the time to reply I appreciate everyone's input so much.