Woman calls GF 'selfish' for being upset she missed kid's birth due to heart problems.

One of the worst feelings in a relationship is when you think you've resolved a tension, only to find out the other person has been holding onto it and letting it simmer for months, sometimes even years.

When unresolved tension comes up, it can be hard to earnestly engage if it feels like your partner is unnecessarily holding something over your head.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she's wrong for calling her girlfriend selfish for being upset she missed the birth.

She wrote:

AITA for calling my girlfriend selfish for being upset I wasn’t at the birth of our kid because I was also in hospital?

My girlfriend and I (both 26f) have a son who is just over a year old. And there was some major ‘drama’ during the birth. For some context, I have chronic heart problems and have been struggling with it since birth. I had a surgery when I was an infant, another at 7 and another at 15. I haven’t needed one since and have been doing well all around.

When my girlfriend was 6 months pregnant, I got really, really ill and it took a massive toll on my lungs and heart. I pulled through but spent about a month in the hospital. I felt so awful that I couldn’t be with my girlfriend (Jane) but she was super great with it. Then, 2 days before the due date, I was rushed into the hospital due to a build-up of fluid around my heart.

I had to get the fluid removed asap. When the fluid was all out, my BIL came to visit me and he told me Jane had given birth. I was both ecstatic and devastated. I had to spend the night under supervision but as soon as I was allowed to leave, I went to the maternity wing to see my girlfriend and baby.

At the time, all negative emotions were smothered by our bundle of joy but over the months, Jane has been showing more and more signs of resentment towards me. It came to a head last night during our date night. I had the whole day planned; baby had gone to grandma's, her favourite take out, got all her favourite movies ready to play, spa evening planned, etc.

But she wasn’t feeling any of it. I asked her what was wrong and she said she’s angry at me for missing the birth. I’ll admit, I didn’t handle it as best as I wanted to, but we argued for a bit and I ended up calling her selfish for saying that. I asked her if she understood the severity of the situation and that I was very ill.

She got up and said she wasn't going to let me patronize her and that she's never been disrespected like that before and that she's going to bed. AITA?

The people of the internet jumped in with their thoughts.

Interesting_Bug_8878 wrote:

NTA. Does your GF wants you to die in order for her to have the perfect moment to tell her kid? You should have handled it more diplomatically, but doesn't seem your are an AH.

33-9 wrote:

Your girlfriend needs to understand that your condition WILL KILL YOU should you not attend to it. Is she going to punish you forever for that as if you had control over it in the first place? NTA. My boyfriend passed away due to acute coronary syndrome. You never, EVER, think twice over the medical attention your heart needs even at times like this.

Careless_League_9494 wrote:

NAH. Honestly, it sounds to me like she may be experiencing Post Partum Depression. Giving birth is incredibly stressful, and frankly traumatic. Even under the best of circumstances. It genuinely sounds as though the trauma of giving birth while you were going through emergency surgery may have dealt a rather significant hit on her mental health.

Can you imagine how terrifying that would be? You're giving birth for the first time, and you go into labour right after your husband, your anchor that you're counting on to be there to support you through this terrifying ordeal, has been admitted for emergency surgery on his heart? She must have felt so scared, and alone.

Obviously, it is not your fault that you were not able to be there, and I can imagine it also took a toll on you, to miss the birth of your child. However, it genuinely seems as though she is struggling, and that she is latching onto that one traumatic event as the cause.

Please try to get your wife some help from a professional who specializes in postpartum depression, and trauma, because if that is what this is, it most likely won't self-resolve.

vee_vintage wrote:

Whuuuttt?? YOU WERE HOSPITALIZED WITH CARDIAC EDEMA!! 😂 Yeah, NTA at all. You were broken-hearted that you missed the birth, but if they had you in there to save your life then what the hell did she expect?? I Can understand her being upset because you missed the birth, but she shouldn’t be upset at YOU. I’d be upset that things went the way they went but would definitely not blame you for it!!

ste1071d wrote:

NAH - I’m going against most comments here, but hear me out. It can be challenging to be with someone with a chronic medical condition. It doesn’t mean they don’t love you or that they resent you or anything like that. But it is a normal human emotion to get ground down by feeling like the chronically ill partner’s needs will always supersede yours.

Pregnancy and childbirth are extremely stressful and can go from all good to holy crap mom needs a crash c section in a moment. She handled being scared for your health throughout her pregnancy, and then at the worst possible time, crap hit the fan. The ONE time her medical situation should have been the most important thing, yours hit.

She’s not an AH for what’s she’s feeling. You’re not the AH for missing the birth. Neither of you handled this situation well and it sounds like you both ignored dealing with the completely normal emotional aftermath of what happened. I’m not willing to call this an E S H situation, but y’all need to work on healthy communication and I’d strongly encourage you to seek some counseling to deal with this.

Clearly, OP is NTA, and according to a handful of commenters, her GF isn't either - it's just a hard situation.