'AITA for 'upstaging' my wife on our son’s birthday?'
"AITA for 'upstaging' my wife on our son’s birthday?"
So my (46M) son’s (19M) birthday was yesterday. A few weeks before his birthday he and my wife (48F, also his mother) got into an argument over something really petty if I’m being honest. This happens a lot. She will find the smallest things to complain to him about. But due to this argument, she refused to plan anything for his birthday. So I started to plan it.
Now before anyone thinks I went and planned a massive party, by plan I mean get him some presents, a cake and make sure we have money for take out that night (this is what we’ve done for a while as he stopped wanting parties after 15 and even before then his birthday parties were really just small gatherings with a handful of friends).
Now I’m going to be honest here, I don’t know much about my son’s interest. I know what he’s into but not enough information about specifics to get him anything. But I do know the person that knows him better than anyone is his best friend who I will call “Alice” (18F)
So I called Alice and asked her about what kind of things my son would like as a present. She was immediately able to help me.
I know my son loves K-pop but she was able to show me what albums he would like and ended up getting him one that released very recently (I actually had to preorder it after we had the phone call) from his favourite group. As well as these small picture cards of his favourite member.
The conversation somehow also ended up at cakes and she was also able to help me with what kind of cake is his favourite. And what things to avoid (like buttercream as it makes him feel ill) and I got everything sorted.
His birthday came and I made him and everyone breakfast before work. And when I got back we opened presents ordered food and did the cake.
When I say we I mean me, my son, my daughters and my MIL who lives with us. My wife seemed upset and did not join us. She came down to get some food and some cake and take it to our room to eat.
When I went to bed I asked her what was up and she said she felt like I was trying to upstage her, and that our son favours me anyway and I’m not helping.
She knows that neither of us know enough about K-pop to have gotten him stuff to do with his favourite group without help and told her I asked Alice for help with the gift and cake. She got upset again and said I was proving her point.
She then just went off complaining how she was excluded and she didn’t like the cake and that no one had paid any attention to her and had left her out of everything.
She kept interrupting me as I tried to apologise so I just gave up and slept on the sofa. I know my wife and know she can be unreasonable at times but I am wondering if I’m TA.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
NTA. Your wife seems very insecure... and also an hypocrite. She fought with your son, you made sure your son had a nice birthday, and she's... feeling bad because you made sure your son had a nice birthday? Also, making the day of your SON's birthday about her? Seriously? You're not the one who needs to apologize.
Don’t you understand though? They BOTH have to be s@*t parents, otherwise only she looks bad. Your wife is acting like a child, OP.
Your wife wanted to cancel any celebration of your son's birthday because they had an argument? Either it was a very very very big deal of an argument or she's very vindictive.
You on the other hand did what was needed to make your son feel special on his birthday, and I think asking his best friend for advice was very thoughtful.
Your wife is more concerned about being upstaged by you than the fact that, had you not organised all this, your son would have had no birthday celebration and gifts. Can't imagine being that self-centred and vindictive to be honest. NTA.
NTA! I do wonder what the argument was about and if it really had no influence on this situation. But your wife being angry at you for in short planning a better birthday for your son than she would have is just petty.
And in general, i‘m always a bit disappointed in parents who are unhappy if something good happens to their kids. Sure your wife and your son are in a stroop atm, but he had a great birthday and you did a good job as a dad, how can this be something bad? Frankly her sons birthday is not about her.
OP responded here:
my wife's earbuds have gone missing and she thinks our son took them. he says he didnt and when he showed some proof she accused him of editing it and then ignored him when he said you cant edit what he showed her. she still hasn't found them and thinks he still has them.