Sister punished for celebrating her birthday the year after her twin died. AITA?
Losing a sibling is devastating.
As a twin, it can be even more complicated. One 17-year-old took to the internet to ask if she was wrong for wanting to celebrate her birthday the year after her twin sister had passed.
AITA for celebrating my birthday
I (f17) have a twin sister who passed away almost a year ago. She was my best friend and losing her felt like I lost part of myself it feels like part of me is missing. I have been in therapy which has helped me a lot. My parents though haven't been doing well. They argue a lot which rarely ever happened before. It has made being at home difficult.
Being a twin means my sister and I share a birthday. Yesterday was our birthday. I ended up missing school because I didn't think I would have been able to concentrate. My parents understood so they let me stay home.
They didn't wish me a happy birthday though or buy me a present... They knew what day it was though. So I kinda just laid in bed all day.
A few hours after the normal time school got out, a few close friends of both my sister came over with cupcakes, balloons, and presents. It honestly made me so happy my friends did that.
We were in the basement just hanging out and talking when my mom yelled for me to come upstairs. She asked what was going on and I explained what happened. She said I can't believe I want to celebrate without my sister.
I said well it's my birthday too and I miss my sister so much, today's been really hard for me but you and Dad act like today just isn't our birthday. You still have me you should still acknowledge I'm here. And try to support me.
She more got mad and called me selfish. We haven't talked since. It was very hard having my birthday without my twin. But, I feel like I can't just act like this day isn't happening. Plus, I know my twin would want me to still celebrate. I would want that for her.
Here are the top comments from readers:
NTA. Your parents need therapy, as do you. My sympathies OP!
You're a good kid. I don't know if you need to hear that or not. NTA. You might want to write your parents a letter explaining they need therapy. Or just show them your post and the responses.
i disagree about showing the reddit post. What i would advise to do is talk with your therapist, and ask if they can write a letter to the parents explaining that they also (probably more so than the daughter) need therapy.
Not with the same therapist, but hearing it from an expert is far better than 'mom, the internet said I'm right!', because to her this will probably only seem like kids OP's age are writing all the answers here and have no experience. A therapist on the other hand has an actual degree proving expertise in the field.
You honor the dead living a good life. Celebrate your birthday, your accomplishments , your firsts (first love, first degree, first car, etc.) and live well.
Your sister is somewhere else, don't waste your life hiding and avoiding joy because one day in the future you will be reunited and then you would say: 'I had a good life but never forgot you, you were part of everything and I wanted that you enjoyed life as well'.
NTA. Does your mom just think you never get to celebrate again?! Does she want to act like you died too?
I have triplets. Two died. We honor them on the anniversary of their passing. We still talk about them on their birthday, but that is also the day we celebrate our living daughter. Her life milestones should not always be marred by the grief of our shared losses.
I’ll give your parents a little grace because it’s the first birthday after she died. But calling you names because you appreciated being remembered by your friends was an AH thing for them to do.
I’d give it a few days and then try to have a rational conversation with your parents- maybe one at a time so they don’t gang up in you. Tell them that ignoring your birthday and calling you names hurt your feelings.
You’re grieving too, but they are acting like they lost both daughters. You’re still here! Do they think your life and milestones are less valuable now? What do they reasonably think is fair for the future? Because ignoring your birthday when they used to celebrate it is Cruel.
Tell them that your family is falling apart and if they don’t want to lose what is left if it, they need to go to therapy too. Is there another trusted adult in your life who can help? Maybe an aunt or grandparent you trust? I’m sorry for your loss. I’m glad your friends are there for you. Happy birthday.