Man mad wife won't wear bikini; says, 'don't listen to what everyone is saying.' AITA?
"AITA for not wearing a bikini even though my husband asked me to?"
My husband (26m) has always complimented my (24f) body and always talks about how much he loves my shape. I had a baby 6 months ago, and my body has changed drastically.
I have never been “skinny”, but before having our baby my stomach was mostly flat with no stretch marks or loose skin. He still compliments my body and tells me how beautiful he thinks it is. I just don’t believe him. I have really awful self image issues, and I am going to therapy for it.
Now onto the issue. I went swimming at my mom’s house about a month ago and wore a bikini for the first time in probably 5 years. It was very modest for a bikini. There were only a few female family members and their young children there, so I thought I would try it out to see if I would be comfortable enough wearing it in public.
I was not at all. The whole time I was worried about the children saying something about my body since kids are sometimes a little too honest, and I would cover myself anytime I was not in the pool.
Long story short, I hated myself in it and was humiliated even though no one said anything negative. I left her house wearing the bikini with my clothes on top.
When I got home and started to change, my husband was in the room and kept going on about how beautiful I looked and how I should start wearing bikinis instead of a one piece. I thanked him but told him how I felt wearing it. He said that I shouldn’t feel that way since I’m perfect.
Well last week we went on a vacation to the beach. I packed only one pieces since I knew I would hate any bikini I tried on. We started getting dressed to head to the beach, and I put my swimsuit on. My husband looked shocked and asked where the bikini was.
I told him again how uncomfortable it made me feel. He said he bought me 2 new bikinis just for the beach trip as a surprise and asked me to put one on. I did try both of them on but hated the thought of anyone on a very crowded public beach seeing me in either of them.
I changed back into my one piece, but my husband begged me to wear a bikini instead, saying how much he loves seeing me in them and how beautiful I am.
He told me not to worry about what others think since they’re all strangers that we’ll never see again anyway. I explained that it’s not about what others think but rather how I feel, and I can’t just shut my brain off.
That was pretty much the end of it, and we left for the beach. He was quiet all day only talking when I would say something about our daughter or ask him to watch her.
I didn’t think much of it until later that night after our daughter was asleep. Bed time has always been our talking time every single night since we got married 3 years ago. We’ll stay up for hours just talking about life and anything that comes up.
That night though he didn’t say anything and would give a one word response when I said something. I asked him to tell me what was going on. He said he didn’t understand why I couldn’t just wear a bikini since he bought them specifically for this trip.
I explained how I hated my body, and that would be like asking him to wear a thong to a public beach. He disagreed and said that women wear bikinis to the beach all the time no matter how their body looks.
I couldn’t get him to see my point, so we just dropped the conversation. Neither of us has mentioned it since, but I keep replaying it all in my head. I can’t help but feel like an ah because he did buy them for me and was so sweet and sincere seeing me in them.
I feel like maybe I should have just sucked it up and worn a bikini to make him happy. I don’t know what to think or do so aita?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
You're NTA, hon. You should wear whatever makes you comfortable. But you really need to talk to a therapist about your severe self-hatred and body image issues because it doesn't really sound like you're enjoying your life right now.
NTA. You wear what you want to wear.
Awwwww! You poor thing! I have 6 kids. My body is NOT what it used to be, that’s for sure. My husband, though? He thinks I’m Cindy Crawford circa 1995. Or even 2023 bc she looks the exact same.
Obviously, no one else sees what he sees. It’s really freaking sweet he sees me the way he does but it’s not like I’d feel comfortable wearing the clothes he’d like to see me in.
You’re definitely NTA. Your comfort is #1. Just try to have a little sympathy for how he sees you. It probably breaks his heart that you are struggling so much and he was trying to help- but he’s a doofus and didn’t actually help.
Continue seeing your therapist bc you might have some body dysmorphia going on. Plan with your therapist to bring him in so they can teach him ways to actually help.
And tell him that you now understand what he was doing, you appreciate it, but that his reaction of shutting down was NOT ok and will not be tolerated again. If he needs a therapist to work through his feelings about your struggle he can get one, too.
Don't you realize your main purpose in life is to please and gratify your husband?
I mean, it's not like you are your own person.
Oh wait, that is a complete bucket of dog crap...
Wear what you feel comfortable in. Tell your husband that if he likes the bikinis so much, he is welcome to wear them himself.
The OP responded here:
I was about to get real pissed before I read all of it 😂