She makes 'harmless' fat joke to 'formerly overweight' friend; Reddit goes in on her.

Roasting your best friends is a tradition as old as cave drawings (can't confirm). But we take the risk of going too far and hurting feelings, and finding that line isn't easy (can confirm).

When a pair of platonic friends attended a party, things got awkward. Like Michael Cera at a high school party awkward. I mean like back when he played an awkward high schooler in all those roles, not him himself going to an acutal high school party now. (Do people know him still? Does this reference still hold water?) Anway, one young woman came to Reddit for advice:

'AITA (Am I the A-hole) for making a harmless joke about my formerly overweight friend?'

blueisnotcreative writes:

I’ve (22F) been friends with James (22m) since we started college. Around 7-8 months ago he decided to change his lifestyle and be healthier. He was overweight but already lost a lot of weight and fitter. I was his workout/motivation buddy throughout these months but lately he’s been confident enough to do his own thing.

A couple of weeks ago we went to a friends party (it wasn’t really a party, more of a low key get together). James is shy/awkward and tends to stick with me whenever we go to social environments with lots of people. But at some point this (tipsy) girl came up to him and seemed clearly interested.

She was ignoring me entirely. I was about to walk off when she asked me -in front of several others - if James and I are a together. I laughed and joked that she wouldn’t have asked me this if she had seen him last year.

I was immediately told by some friends that it was a mean thing to say, and in hindsight James seemed a little speechless. The girl asked me what I meant and I explained that he used to be way chubbier.

Then she shrugged and said he’s “hot” and would take him off me if I didn’t mind. I thought this was trashy and just left.

Afterwards I spoke to James in private and he seemed to have gotten his feelings hurt. I explained it was just a joke cos last year NOBODY would’ve assumed we’re together. I mean the whole point of the joke was that he’s considered more attractive now but I know his true awkward self and past. Am I the a-hole in this situation?

What do you think?

If it's anything besides YTA (you're the A-hole), then Reddit has a bone to pick with you.

Sunny_Hill_1 says:

Yes, YTA. Huge AH. You basically just told James that he is only worthy of love and affection when he is fit and attractive.

Material-Paint6281 comments:

Also, can you sense the vibe of 'you're in this state because of me' from OP. I'm sort of getting that as she mentioned that she was the 'coach and motivator' for the past few months. So, as soon as he got a sliver of attention, she had to ruin it. I hope the friend just lets go of OP. She's toxic

Cant_Handle_This4eva points out:

My favorite line is that 'he seemed to have gotten his feelings hurt.' Like if I punch someone in the face and I say, 'they managed to get their eye onto my fist.' Take a little responsibility, OP, for being TA, and see if you can apologize for being mean-spirited and a bad friend.

Wynfleue writes:

Apparently complementing James is 'trashy' but laughing at the fact someone thought they were together then poking at his deep insecurities is 'a harmless joke' ...

genomerain says:

The other person was open and unapologetic about being interested. Some might think that's trashy but I wish I could be that confident when I like someone. And she was basically saying that she doesn't care about what he used to weigh or look like, after his friend tried to embarrass him about it. That's like the opposite of trashy.

Radiant-Walrus-4961 asks:

INFO: what about this joke is harmless and funny?

And OP responds:

Harmless: we’re friends and tease each other all the time. Standard

Funny: it’s not a terribly funny joke BUT some jokes require a context and this is one of them

And bluecirc shares from experience:

As someone who has lost a significant amount of weight, if someone said that to me now, I would be absolutely gut-punched. It's so, so hurtful. I feel terrible for him. She basically said he was not worthy when he was fat. His personality, kindness, charm, none of it means anything if he's fat. I hate OP.

Strong words.

Maybe OP will take them to heart and do better in the future! Good luck out there, folks!