Girlfriend makes 'demeaning' chore chart for ADHD boyfriend; 'It's humiliating.' AITA?

ADHD is a very common condition that should be taken seriously. But there is a fine line between difficulty in completing tasks and just plain weaponized incompetence.

One woman has had an issue with getting her ADHD boyfriend to do his share of the chores so to help him out she made a chore chart full of bright colors and smiley faces. After he got very offended, she went to Reddit to ask:

'AITA (am I the a-hole) for making a (very) childish chore chart for my boyfriend?'

u/Fightingaboutchores writes:

My (20f) boyfriend (23m) recently moved in with me. Now, he has ADHD, so noticing when things have to be done and actually doing them are a bit of a struggle for him.

Now, I sympathise. I realise it might be difficult. But it's also frustrating to come home at 8 pm only to find out I still need to buy groceries and cook, cuz he forgot. Or to want to do laundry, only to find out his wet laundry has been in the machine for 4 days.

Or wanting a quick bowl of cereal for breakfast, but having to skip it because he forgot to put the milk back in the fridge. Having to do his chores / fix something he started is a daily occurance.

When he moved in we divided chores 50/50, I let him pick the ones he liked, and I do the rest. But he's not doing his part. We talked about it several times, but he always says he just forgets or doesn't see it. I suggested he download an app that'll send him reminders, but he thinks the reminders would only stress him out.

So I made him a chore chart. The most childish one I could, with bright colours and smiley faces for completed tasks. I hung it up on the fridge. And well.. he's pissed. He thinks I'm an AH for 'humiliating him like this' (no one but us has seen it). AITA (am I the a-hole)?

OP later added this edit:

Edit: this wasn't a first resort. I tried lists, notes, checklists, apps, reminding him in person. If I remind him when we're home he'll say 'later', I'll remind him again, 'later', I do the dishes that were 'soaking' in the sink for 5 days, and he'll get mad at me because 'he was just about to get to that'. He also doesn't seem to struggle with remembering things or completing tasks at work.

Well he must have a really good work life balance, then. Maybe it's like 'Severance'!

Here's what Reddit had to say:

Virtual-Volume-8826 writes:

ESH (everyone sucks here). He needs to step up. You were so close until you made an obnoxious chore chart. You clearly don’t sympathize or empathize with severe ADHD. It’s not f***ing fun, and the last thing someone needs is a self admitted “childish” chore chart that insults him. Let him go and let him find someone that actually has sympathy.

You’re allowed to be frustrated and upset, but that chore chart is insulting and shows you don’t have a single clue what ADHD is and how it impacts the brain. People with adhd spend our entire lives being called lazy and childish for symptoms we can’t control. If my partner did this this they would be out of my life immediately.

Inevitable-Sea-7921 says:

NTA (not the a-hole). People use ADHD to excuse any kind of behavior. I have ADHD and I can remember to finish laundry and grocery shop and all kinds of things. Nip this in the bud. You shouldn’t have to be responsible for everything because he can’t remember.

Think long and hard about the future- are you going to marry and have kids with him? You’ll be juggling everything then alone or having to follow him around telling him what to do

JC_Tiberius says:

He doesn't get to treat you like his mommy and then whine when you treat him like your child. NTA.

Reddit was clearly on OP's side. The consensus: if he doesn't want to be treated like a child, he shouldn't act like one.

OP's boyfriend doesn't seem to have a hard time at work. If OP doesn't put her foot down now, she may be doing everything for the rest of their relationship.