Woman catches bouquet at wedding, BF says, 'you're rude, pressuring me.' AITA?
'AITA for catching the bridal bouquet?'
I 28F and my boyfriend 29M have been dating for three years. We met through a mutual friend and we get along really well. The work I'm passionate about does not pay well if you don't have a high enough job, which I do not have right now.
My boyfriend works at his dad's very successful company and will take over for his father when he decides to retire which means he makes a lot more money than I do. This is not usually an issue in our relationship, I like to try to even things out but he says he likes spoiling me.
The problem is that lately we have been discussing marriage and my boyfriend says he is hesitant to marry a woman who makes so much less than him.
He says this is because he grew up with a gold digger mother and doesn't want to repeat his father's mistakes. When we first started dating, his dad was very wary of me but we have a very good relationship right now and even he says his son is being ridiculous.
Last weekend my best friend 30F got married and I was the maid of honor. It was a lot of fun and I thought everything was perfect for her special day. I was getting a little sad that my boyfriend didn't seem to let this convince him marriage is a good idea but I wasn't going to push him on such a happy day.
When it came time for her to toss the bridal bouquet she gathered all of the bridesmaids and I ended up catching it. My best friend made a light joke about how maybe I really would be next but my boyfriend and I just laughed it off.
I didn't think anything of it and went on with the rest of the night.
In the car home my boyfriend blew up at me and said I was pressuring him into something he wasn't sure about. He said my best friend and I made him very uncomfortable and he didn't like that I had brought her into a private matter.
I told my best friend that he didn't want to marry me a few weeks ago and she thought it was very strange and that he should go to a therapist for his commitment issues. When I told him this he was adamant that he would not be going to a therapist because he didn't need one.
He brought this argument up in the car and said that I shouldn't have let her interfere and that he knew we had planned this to get him to propose.
We did not plan this, I just happened to be in the right place and I don't really believe in the bouquet superstition anyway, it was just a fun thing for the bridesmaids to do together.
His friends agreed I shouldn't have caught it or even participated but my best friend thinks he's being dramatic, so AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
NTA. You’ve been dating for three years. You’re of sufficient age and have careers. He calls you a gold digger…yes…he did. He turned your best friends wedding into an elaborate scheme about him, and getting him to propose against his obvious will.
He got his friends to offer opinions and they all said you shouldn’t have even PARTICIPATED in the bouquet toss? I think this relationship has run its course.
NTA. But you are not doing yourself any favors by staying with this guy any longer. When someone shows you who they are trust them. He has made it abundantly clear that he has no interest in marrying you.
Don't wait around hoping he matures or figure it out. You are worth more than that. Set yourself free to find someone who actually wants to be with you.
NTA. Your partner sounds really paranoid. If he's wary of marrying a woman who earns much less than him, then why is he with you? Is he waiting for you to be promoted, or....? He needs a therapist for his negative views on his mum.
Obvious NTA for catching the bouquet, however…..
I think your relationship is probably going to end soon. You’re fully in the right, and his reason for not wanting to marry you is paranoid and absurd, but at the same time trying to pressure him into changing his mind will probably make him resent you if he does eventually cave.
Unfortunatley I think your differing views on marriage does not make you very compatible. You want marriage, he has no interest in marrying you(for a ludicrous reason). This is setting up to be a disaster.
And he called you a gold digger! If he thinks that 3 years into a realtionship why do you even want to marry him at all!?
NTA. If he has known you for this long, and he still thinks you're a gold digger, you need to leave. He's using money as a reason to not commit to you. He'll use money as a reason to control you in the future if you let him.