Bridesmaid complains over bride's unending 'weaponized incompetence;' 'her shoes still had the security tag on them!'
"Weaponized Incompetence in Paradise"
Still-Fox2597
When I received the bridesmaid proposal box at my doorstep I was shocked. I didn’t know the bride (Mindy) very well. We had one mutual friend, Laura, who Mindy met in college, and I’ve known since middle school. We were in Laura’s wedding together, visited Laura together once in her new home state, and we’d probably hung out a grand total of 10 times.
After getting a box with some expensive junk in it, I felt pressured to say yes, and I knew Laura would be involved (I love Laura) so I did. The engagement was long. Like, COVID-era 1.5 years long. In that time, I got engaged as well, and Laura started her own event floral business.
My engagement was pretty short (10 months). I already had a venue in mind, they happened to have a date that worked, and we locked it in. The only downside- it was three weeks before Mindy’s wedding in a completely different part of the country.
But we wanted a fall wedding, and that’s just kind of how wedding season goes in your 20s. Before I share more, I need you to know that Laura is a saint. She’s my best friend and will do anything for the people she loves. Remember this.
Just starting her event floral business, Laura offered to do the florals for my and Mindy’s weddings at cost. Which, when you know the work that goes into planning, ordering, prepping, and arranging flowers, is an INCREDIBLE gift.
When she got into town for my wedding, Laura worked tirelessly in my kitchen the day before my wedding. We talked, I helped where I could, and it was a memory I will never forget to see my maid of honor create magic.
Despite not being terribly close to Mindy, I still wanted her to feel included, and at this point of time, I felt kind of guilty for not having Mindy in my bridal party. Mindy’s fiance decided not to come to our wedding (something about PTO), so I offered to let Mindy stay at my house with the bridesmaids the night before.
Mindy rolled up around 11 PM the night before my wedding, barged in demanding someone park her car for her “because she drives a Tesla now” she forgot how to parallel park, and then asked me to make her food. She then shares that she’s picking up a puppy the day after my wedding. “My fiance said no, but that made me want to get one more.” I found something in my fridge for her and redirected my focus to Laura and writing my vows.
During my wedding, she wasn’t much more of a problem. She constantly complained about things going on with her own wedding, but otherwise, she was palatable. My wedding was a blast, and we were excited to go on a little honeymoon after Mindy’s wedding down in Florida.
The lead-up to Mindy’s wedding sucked for a few reasons:
Reason 1: Mindy’s initial wedding venue was badly damaged by a hurricane (November wedding on the gulf coast of Florida.)
Reason 2: Mindy has ADHD (and she uses this to rationalize being a constant mess.)
Reason 3: Mindy is a complainer, but does nothing to change her situation.
Laura and I are planners. Laura and I had Pinterest boards for our weddings since middle school. We make itineraries, and we hold the shit together. I guess that’s why our relationship with Mindy worked well for awhile. We would plan. She would arrive and complain about something.
So when the venue was destroyed by the Hurricane two months before her wedding, Laura and I hopped in the phone with Mindy and from across the country and we tried to help her pick up the pieces. Another venue was available across the street with the same company.
She could use all of the same vendors. What felt like a major snafu ended up being easily resolvable. But the same decorations just couldn’t work with the new venue (according to Mindy.) So all of the florals Laura designed needed to be replanned and redesigned. And after the Hurricane, the local floral vendor Laura was trying to work with became increasingly difficult.
So the decision was made that Mindy and Laura would drive Mindy’s car five hours round trip the day before the wedding in the morning to pick up the flowers from a different wholesale. It would be a fun road trip and a great chance for Mindy and Laura to catch up after living over 2,000 miles apart for the past two years.
Laura and I booked a big house with a pool to be used as a getting ready spot and a place for the bridesmaids to stay together the night before the wedding, after the rehearsal. I booked a rental car and coordinated logistics with Mindy and Laura.
Laura and her husband would get in later than my husband and I, so Mindy would pick them up from the airport. There was no reason for Laura or her husband to be registered drivers on the rental car we were splitting because they would be taking Mindy’s Tesla to get the flowers to the next day.
We would fly in, pick up the car, grab dinner with some family who happened to live in town, and check into the rental house. Mindy would bring them to the house later. Plans were finalized. Deposits were paid. Flights were booked. Plans were set.
It was go-time.
My husband and I had an uneventful flight, pick up our rental car, and head to our VRBO. It was gorgeous and the owner surprised us with a new screen around the pool. It was awesome.
Looking back, I wish we would have just stayed at that damn house and enjoyed ourselves. We drop off our belongings, get changed, and bop on over to dinner with family. We have a wonderful time catching up. I keep checking my phone, expecting a message from Laura or Mindy about their estimated arrival time.
For context, Mindy’s house was about 45 minutes away from our rental, but our rental was only about 15 minutes from the wedding venue. It was convenient for wedding day, but less convenient to go back and forth to the bride’s house.
After an almost three hour dinner, I still haven’t heard anything and it’s getting late. So I call Laura.
“Hey! Did you make it down okay? When are you guys coming to the house?”
“Hey we’re at Mindy’s. Let me check with her...
Mindy says she can’t bring us to the rental house anymore.”
“...oh, okay. We’ll come get you.”
So we drive to Mindy’s.
Mindy is excited and bubbly. She’s talking a mile a minute about the wedding activities. We’re confused why Mindy couldn’t drive Laura to our rental as promised, but we decide it’s not worth an argument.
Laura and Mindy were supposed to go to the grocery together, but apparently that hadn’t happened either. Oh, and Mindy didn’t pick up Laura from the airport as promised either. Mindy’s fiance had to pick them up because Mindy got lost on her way to a spray tan appointment that was two hours (??) away.
Pause. Breathe. Patience.
The bride has been through a lot we say. We will be patient with Mindy. We will see her again in the morning when she drives Laura to get the flowers.
Myself, Laura, and our husbands find a Wal-Mart that’s open late. We grab everything we need for a mimosa and brunch bar wedding morning, snacks, and lunches, and we head back to our rental.
Laura calls Mindy when we get back to make plans for their floral roadtrip in the morning. Mindy “can’t go”. She’s overwhelmed. She can’t drive five hours round trip the day before her wedding for the floral arrangements her maid of honor would be doing at-cost for her wedding. I call the car rental company. We can’t add additional drivers. My husband or I need to drive.
Deep breath. Okay.
My husband and I were both supposed to work remotely from the VRBO that day, but now we were the drivers.
The next morning, myself, Laura, and my husband drive the five hours round trip. We fill the car with boxes and boxes of flowers and greenery. When we get back, we help Laura process and prep the flowers for arrangement, and then we get ready for the rehearsal.
The plans for the rehearsal were never finalized or shared with us. A month prior, Mindy had called me crying about not being able to find a rehearsal dinner venue. I had offered to take this off of her plate (during my wedding month, mind you) and I called around. I made her a spreadsheet of places with availability, cost, contact info, address, you name it.
So when we learned there would be no researal dinner, we were shocked. After a sloppy rehearsal (Mindy arrived in Birkenstocks with disheveled hair and athleisure on), we were told that we would be having after-researsal drinks at a brewery down the street.
We walk to the brewery where we tell the bar manager we’re there for the wedding party. The bar manager politely informs us that no event has been scheduled and we’re lucky they’re open because they were originally supposed to be closed for a private event that got cancelled. It was buy your own beer, and hope to get something from the food trucks outside.
We had planned to pop out of the after-rehearsal drinks to spend some time with other family members at a hotel bar nearby, and we were incredibly grateful they served food. When we came back, Laura and her husband still hadn’t been served food, despite waiting in the food truck lines for a half hour.
Laura and I rounded up the other bridesmaids and told them how excited we were to have a girls night that evening. How our husbands were going to all hang out together at the bride and groom’s house, and we would be drinking wine, arranging flowers, and swimming beneath the stars at our rental.
The other bridesmaids hadn’t hear anything about this (despite Mindy claiming to have told them) and they were planning to stay at their hotel. Disappointed, we went back to Mindy to discuss this. What was the plan?
Mindy told us to head on back to our VRBO and she would meet up with us later and bring the vases Laura needed to complete her arrangements. Okay. We head back to our house, and Laura gets back to work.
I help her with the boutonnieres, and my husband and I go on an angsty walk to smoke a terrible cigar and complain about what a trainwreck this trip has been so far. It’s getting late, and still no word from Mindy. So we call her.
She has a migraine. She won’t be leaving her house. We express our frustration with the situation, and she hangs up on us. Laura still needs those damn vases. F those vases. F this wedding. F this witch. But the show much go on, I suppose.
Our husbands head out to collect Mindy along with the vases and other floral supplies needed, and they drive the hour and a half round trip. Mindy doesn’t show her face.
The guys our husbands were supposed to be celebrating with drop the box of supplies in their hands and usher them on their way, ready to resume their groomsmen get together. At this point in time, we realize we’re just vendors to Mindy.
Laura stays up until 2 AM finishing the arrangements. I pass out at some point around midnight. The next morning, hair and makeup arrive at 6. The bride is nowhere to be seen. She’s decided to arrive much later.
When Mindy finally shows up, she looks like she’s been hit by a truck. The woman doing my makeup whispers “Uh.. were you excited on your wedding day? I’ve never seen a bride like this.” Yikes.
The makeup turns out great. I don’t think the hair girl had any experience and I had to completely redo that disaster. We shove a mimosa into the bride’s hand and begin to pack up the car with florals. Laura needed to assemble the archway.
We get to the venue and Laura works her magic. Somehow, this trainwreck of a wedding is starting to feel real and incredibly beautiful. The bride arrives and begins to get dressed.Her gown is beautiful, but she never got it altered. She had this dress on-hand for a year and never got it freaking altered. When she bends over, you can fully see down her dress, and she’s stepping on it as she walks.
We begin to take photos and then Mindy trips on her dress once again. In frustration, she hurls her heels across the lawn and demands that someone get her sneakers. Her sneakers, it turns out, she never tried on (or even opened the box) because the security tag was still on the shoes and this was now making her world crumble.
After screaming about this completely preventable occurrence and how someone needed to help her, it was finally time to get this trainwreck over with. Her veil fell off as she walked down the aisle, and the ceremony was the quickest wedding I’ve ever attended. No personal touch, nothing. I do. I do. Smooch. Done.
We proceed to cocktail hour and I bee-line it for the bar. I’m done with this weekend, done with this bride, and ready to celebrate Laura’s birthday the next day and go on my goddamn honeymoon in Key West.
Moments before dinner, Mindy approaches my husband and requests a favor. Can he find the batteries needed for their polaroid camera? Of course she didn’t get batteries for the camera.
Once again, the husbands are off on a side quest. They walked all around the city to find a super-specific type of battery. While they’re gone, dinner is served and they barely make it back in time to eat. But thank god Mindy has her stupid polariod camera in addition to the professional photographer on-site.
The first dance comes- the song is something Mindy got from TikTok with no meaning to her. The garter toss comes- the emcee instructs “all men, married or not” to head to the dance floor. The bouquet toss comes, same thing. All women to the dance floor. For the photos. Everything was for the photos. There was a “big fake exit” for the photos.
Mindy disappeared to the bridal suite halfway through the night to sit and feel bad for herself that everything wasn’t perfect and her new MIL was a monster. (To her credit, her MIL was a monster. She wanted the entire party to stop so her grandchild could take a nap.)
As soon as we could leave, we did. We got back to the house, opened a bottle of champagne, and celebrated that shit show being over. But there was one more wedding activity. Mindy kept talking about a “big catered brunch” the day after the wedding, which also happened to be Laura’s birthday.
My focus was making sure Laura had a good birthday, and I didn’t give a hoot if I ever talked to Mindy again at this point. Laura wanted to give her one more chance, so we decided to go.
The “big brunch” was a platter of Chik-fil-a nugs and a box of donuts at their community pool. It was a joke. When we arrived, the groom was running around trying to get some of his, groomsmen to go out and BUY HIM A SUIT because their honeymoon cruise had a formal night and he had nothing to wear.
It was ridiculous, and Mindy just disappeared. I was done. I ushered our party back into the car and took Laura to a real brunch. We just sat in silence. I’ve never seen Laura more livid in my life.
After the wedding, I never talked to Mindy again. Laura chose to forgive her, but Mindy only reached out when she needed something. It was a transactional relationship at this point.
Mindy held a grudge against me because I told someone at the wedding she was being a bridezilla (facts), and I honestly wouldn't be surprised if I called her a c-word to someone as well. I just couldn't hold it in by the end. A-hole move? Maybe. Probably.
When the wedding photos came out, I had somehow simply vanished from the bridal party. I was impressed. Her photographer’s photoshopping skills were incredible. This week, nearly two years after the nightmare, Mindy’s relationship status on Facebook officially changed back to single.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
MissBandersnatch2U
I bet no one saw THAT coming. Too bad, sounds like they were pretty well-matched.
luckystar246
The road trip idea was idiotic. Laura should’ve shut that down!
Still-Fox2597 (OP)
She tried so hard to shut it down but Mindy just kept insisting that she needed to drive her up there 🙃 we originally planned for Laura to fly into the city where the flowers were and then drive down, but nope!
Laura, the MOH, then chimmed in with her experience at during the wedding weekend.
Kind-Nose2656
Laura here- a couple quick clarifications: OP is my childhood friend. We will always be friends, even now so more than ever before. I am (was, I’m working on it) a pushover, and all of OP’s actions were in defense of me not standing up for myself, and I own all of that.
Pretty much every problem and “judgmental” thing was honestly just miscommunication. I had asked Mindy not to pick me up from the airport, that I will either Uber or wait for OP to be done with her family time. To this she replied “shut up, I’m picking you up”.
It wasn’t until we landed and picked up our bags and several unanswered calls to Mindy later that she answered and said “I’m not coming, but I’m sending my fiancé”. He didn’t even know where she was, and she was MIA for hours and wouldn’t tell anyone where she was, including fiancé.
For the road trip, I told Mindy I don’t need the help. She told me she wanted to go and didn’t want me going without her. I tried explaining how much time it will take and that I didn’t think it was a good idea, but she didn’t listen.
The mentality of “do everything to make the bride happy” did not work out well here, and I own that one too. I should have said “no” a lot louder. The rehearsal dinner was not a problem with the location, but Mindy told us she booked the location.
She showed up hours late to her own rehearsal and everyone was confused because there was no communication and the bride was just…gone, and the fiancée didn’t even know where she was (see a trend?). The food truck (singular) didn’t show up until way later, and everyone by that point was drunk and starving, so the line was DEEP.
Mindy asked all of us to pick up party snacks and food and drinks for the “night before slumber party”, which is why it was so confusing that nobody was told to come over. We spent a lot of money on a bigger house and food for everyone that went unused and uneaten. We never asked for any of that back.
Mindy HID in her own house the night before the wedding when she said she was coming over to be with us. The guys (and her own fiancée) who were there had no idea she was there at all…they thought she was with us. She didn’t call to tell us she couldn’t come over. We would have made other plans.
Instead we were deeply worried because she was MIA again. Mindy hid away several times throughout the wedding reception, and nobody could find her. She just wanted to be alone, not even with her husband.
When Mindy picked her wedding date, she did ask if I was ok with it being so close to my birthday. I told her I would celebrate her wedding that weekend, and my birthday when I got home.
She said she wanted to celebrate too, and told me not to make any other plans for my birthday, that she was going to take me out for a relaxing girls day together after their farewell brunch.
Mindy told us she was going to send out a mass group text with time info for the brunch the next day. We weren’t told what time the brunch was. It was like 11am when we finally heard from them (not in a group text, just us) asking where we were. When we showed up, all the food was gone, and we weren’t told it was a pool party so we were dressed inappropriately and embarrassed.
Mindy didn’t tell her husband it was my birthday that day, and he pretty much said “We’ll, she’s too busy to hang out with you today anyway”. They just have zero communication between them. We waited around for about an hour, but Mindy disappeared AGAIN, and we couldn’t even find her to say goodbye.
It took both OP and I a long time to process what happened, and we both know we were not perfect through the fiasco. All I lost through the experience was a bad friend and my own wedding veil that I let her use as a “something borrowed”. I feel like I learned a lot through the experience and I’m closer than ever with OP.