Woman blames brother for his wife's affair with her husband; family split over who is wrong.
"AITA for yelling at my sister to stop blaming our brother for her husband’s cheating with his wife?"
No-Advertising8278
This past summer, my (F29) family had the shock of a lifetime. We found out that my older sister Kayla's (F32) husband, Eric (M34), was cheating on her with our brother Greg's (M35) wife, Megan (F30). It was going on for a long time, and it’s honestly baffling how they were able to keep it from us for so long.
The incident has affected our whole family, with Kayla and Greg being especially hurt. They have both since divorced their spouses. For those wondering, from some mutual friends and stalking them on Facebook, I’ve learned that Eric and Megan have since moved off together across the country and are expecting a child this spring.
The whole mess has put our family in shambles; nothing feels the same anymore, and every gathering we have just feels awkward and depressing. Myself and our parents (F64 and M65) are trying our best to keep everyone connected, but it honestly feels like our efforts are in vain.
This is somewhat because Kayla has partially been blaming Greg for what happened. She always says things like how he shouldn't have brought a "harlet into our house" and similar things. She has never said these things to Greg but says them to myself and our mother. She has just been acting cold and distant to him, while he's tried multiple times to reach out to her.
So last night, we were all visiting our parents for New Year’s. Greg went out with our dad and some other people, so it was just Kayla, our mom, and myself at home. Kayla has also found out about Eric and Megan starting a family, and she's been equally furious and depressed. She was again blaming Greg.
This just seemed unfair to me, so I told Kayla that she needed to stop blaming Greg since he was a victim just like her and instead blame Megan and her ex-husband. Kayla was angry at this and yelled at me, saying things like how I couldn't understand and that I was empathizing with Megan.
We argued and it did turn into a bit of a screaming match because I lost my temper at these accusations, but we stopped when our mother started crying and begged us to stop.
Kayla has been cold to me since last night, and our mother wants me to reach out to her 'since she's hurting so much.' I do feel a bit like an AH, but I also feel justified. All I can say is that I really wish we weren't in this mess. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Fearful_clown1025 wrote:
Never said this before, but y'all need therapy 🍿
The OP responded here:
No-Advertising8278 wrote:
Kayla started therapy back in early December, she hasn't had many sessions yet though. Hopefully, its effective.
mayfeelthis wrote:
I feel for your bro, he could have a real ally in Kayla and they could’ve supported each other. It’s rare to have someone who gets it when we are in these diabolical situations. NTA.
I hope her therapy helps, support them both in my honest opinion and keep reminding Kayla your brother is not her enemy. It’s unfair to use him as a punching bag, if anyone in the world he deserves it the least.
And can take it the least right now, ask her how she would feel if Greg blamed her? She pushing him down further into whatever hell she feels right now, her own brother. She needs to know that’s not cool.
Jans47 wrote:
NTA, your sister is delusional. She needs to realize that her ex husband didn't want her and he is 50% of the problem along with Megan.
Silver-Order-7106 wrote:
Honestly, I would've said if that was how you feel, you should've said it to Greg. I would be more of bitch and tell Greg all the things Kayla been saying TBH. He seems like shes not putting any blame on her ex, only on Greg's. Not the AH but I would definitely go low contact until she is in better head space.
The OP again responded:
No-Advertising8278 wrote:
Sadly she isn't putting that much blame on her ex, but mainly on Megan for "deceiving him". I don't want to be too harsh to her. Before all this Kayla used to be such a sweet and caring person to all of us. It honestly so painful seeing how much she's changed.
CreativeMusic5121 wrote:
She likely can't blame her ex because then she's have to admit to her own poor judgment in partners, and/or her own part in the demise of her marriage.
broadsharp wrote:
NTA. Your brothers ex wife is just as much to blame as your sisters ex husband. She’s hurting, but I can guarantee your brother is hurting just as bad.
cultqueennn wrote:
Nta. I bet she would've taken her cheating ex back cuz he was only a victim to a 'harlots' temptation'. Cuz your sister is the type to blame women. I'm so sad for everyone involved. Except the cheats.