Woman discovers husband has had secret family for 17 years. UPDATED & CONCLUDED
This is literally a dramatic movie plot.
But, this time, there are real lives in the balance. One woman writes about having her entire life shatter when she found out that her husband had been living a double life for almost two decades.
For the past 17 years, he had been building a life with another family across the country, attributing his absence to work trips. When the truth was finally out in the open, she didn't know what to do. But, she knew she had to leave.
"My husband has a second family."
The ultimate cliché has happened in my life, and i’m absolutely broken. My husband, my rock, has been having an affair for over 17 years. We have been married for over 25 years. We have 3 beautiful children, two in college and one who still lives at home. But turns out, he’s had another set this whole time.
My husband is an insurance broker, he has multiple branches over the country which he spends week on, week off. Turns out on his week off, he’s been with his other family in Albuquerque, where his other branch is.
He’s got a fiancé, with whom he has 2 kids, both in their early teens. I found out when I went to make a new facebook account, and when I searched my husbands first name, another profile, with another last name popped up, and through that profile were the links to his fiancé’s and his other kids' facebooks.
My husband is currently with said family, and I know it’s him because his most recent post is a photo of him and that other family eating dinner. Among those photos were photos of him kissing the girl, and him being fatherly with kids who look nearly identical to my husband.
I am absolutely broken. Almost every part of me wants to scream in his face, and reprimand him for ruining my life. But another part of me wants to pretend to be ignorant and let it be. Because our life is peaceful, he’s good with our kids, he's the main source of financial income, he’s loving, but he’s also all those things to another family.
Not only would I be tearing a gaping hole into my family, I’d be opening up a vortex for them too.
My heart is in shambles, I've never cried so much in my life. My youngest son is currently on a graduation trip with friends, and I’m alone till my lying, cheating, b@stard husband comes home. My life is absolutely wrecked.
It’s literally a movie plot, I’m hoping he’ll just come home and it’ll be a big misunderstanding as to why he’s kissing a woman with a ring on her finger.
I don’t know what to do anymore, I’m tempted to pack a bag and just leave. I can’t be in the home where we’ve raised our kids, where we’ve spent every Christmas for the last 26 years and where I’ve been alone on New Years taking care of our babies, while he “works his a** off”.
I just can’t. I want to leave a note for him to come home too, hurt him like he’s hurt me, but I don’t think that’s possible. I dont know how i’ll ever face him again.
Readers were baffled and some were skeptical, but the OP updated again 4 days later.
This is a follow up: Firstly, thank you so much for the advice. I’m not in any means good with legal things, so all legal advice has been noted. I’ve rung an attorney, we are discussing the process, he’s also told me to gather as much evidence as I could; such as photos of the facebook pages, text messages, and resent flight information.
All has been put into a folder and I’ll present it to a judge or jury when we go into some sort of divorce proceeding. Again not fully clear with specifics, but it’s a good sign. I’ve also been in contact with the other woman.
I’ve told her, explained the situation, and she was equally as distraught. From what I’m aware she’s financially independent from him and they don’t share property, so it seems very clean cut on her behalf.
My husband is aware of the fact I know, and is currently staying in a hotel, but he is unaware the other woman knows. I confronted him when he walked through the door. He started to cry, and plead, and it was honestly kind of pathetic.
I mean, I was crying too, but I’ve chosen to think of him as a pathetic coward for doing this. Because he is. But anyways, I have my name on the property - we both do - so it’s not like I can just kick him out, but he’s chosen to stay away for “my sake”.
All I am thinking is ‘if he chose to stay away for “my sake” maybe being faithful for “my sake” should of been considered too.’. Despite this, he’s staying away. He’s in a hotel downtown where he calls every few hours to “check up”.
I'm no longer sad. Well, I am. But I’m way more furious than sad currently. My kids still have no idea, and my youngest thinks my husband is just working more in Albuquerque because of a business problem. I'm still confused as to how to tell them they have 2 half siblings, and two parents, one with an extra back up parent.
I’m just feeling very, very unappreciated and unwanted lately, but your kind words have been so helpful. Thank you guys so much. Much love.
Here were the top rated comments after this update:
That’s one cheater with a lot of energy, I’ll give him that.
Two families, 5 kids, for 17 years!? Jeez.
She's in a good position to prosecute for bigamy and get literally everything. In many states common law marriage is granted if you live with someone for more than a certain number of years, usually 7-10. I think her case would actually hold up fairly well, especially if the husband and girlfriend own major assets like a home or vehicles together.
also, he may be waiting for the last kid to leave so he can leave too. Take what you're entitled to including spouse support until you remarry. Then never remarry, live in sin, and collet his money. :)
Get proof before you tell him. Screenshot EVERYTHING because it will disappear to cover his tracks and will be he said/she said
What he did was wrong, and the violation of trust cant be reset. You have to decide for yourself if you are okay with sharing. If you are, make a plan YOU are comfortable with regarding shared time and present it to him as an alternative to divorce. Write it out, make some compromises if you want and both sign it. If he violates the agreement, then leave.
But this ONLY WORKS if you are truthful with yourself and can handle going forward. If not, get a lawyer BEFORE YOU TELL HIM and figure out the divorce terms first.
6 months later the OP returned with what she says is her final update:
This is in reference to my post titled “My husband has a second family.” Firstly, I would like to start of by thanking everyone who had positive things to say. The wide spread support has been so helpful during this period and I am truly amazed at the kindness shown to me. Thank you.
And now the update, I won’t be going into details about the divorce because it is still ongoing, but do rest assured it is happening. A few people seemed worried I was going to stay with him, and for a period of time I would have, but no, we are divorcing.
On that note I have completely cut contact with him, our contact is through lawyers only. He officially moved out of the house, and my middle child moved back in to help out over the break.
My kids have, to my knowledge, cut most contact with him, but I haven’t asked as it is not my place. Also custody isn’t a problem because my youngest turned 18 recently.
We have also been in contact with the other family and we even spent Christmas together. Despite being a little awkward at first me and his ex fiancé are trying our hardest to bring the kids together harmoniously.
And that’ll be the last update, I’m logging off of reddit now. I will continue living my life, I’ll try to support my kids through theirs, but I’ll forever be thankful for the support and love you all have shown. Yours truly and sincerely, OP.
Here were the top comments from readers who followed this whole story:
Her youngest is 18 and he had an affair for 17 years, so he must have started cheating when she was postpartum. He sucks.
Serves him right for the ex-wife and the ex-fiance to become friends and leave him out in the cold. Maybe he'll start a third family.
Almost certainly. He'll probably tell his third wife he is a widower or his previous crazy ex wife abandoned him and poisoned his children against him. Karma is a nice idea but it never stays with people like this for very long. Like water off a ducks back.
I ALWAYS worry when a guy says his wife was 'crazy.' I even hear it from guys that are still married but refer to their wives as crazy. It's a huge red flag. I don't know how these guys feel justified in saying that kind of thing; like they're bragging.
I want a window into that dude's mind. I mean, I'm sure that it got to the point of a 'tiger by the tail' situation. Two families, long term, kids... it's a miracle it took that long to get found out. Was it pure greed/overconfidence/sleaze? Was he compartmentalizing somehow? Just fascinating.