'AITA for having my late husband's affair partner removed from his funeral?'
"AITA for not allowing my late husband's affair partner come to his funeral?"
Three weeks ago my husband died in a car accident halfway across the country. He said he was going to a work trip but we later found out that all of that was just another one of his lies and he was actually on a cheating trip.
Something he'd seemingly been doing for at least the past 5 years. So yeah... It's been a very fun few weeks. Feel fantastic. Our kids are 7f, 14m and 19m. Only the eldest knows about the affair and we all agreed to keep it to ourselves.
The problem lies with his partner. She wanted to be involved. I told her that wouldn't be possible and she should respect our privacy. Even putting my feelings aside, though he's trying to be strong for his younger siblings, my eldest is battling with his anger and grief.
Having her there would only cause problems. Regardless, she was there when we arrived at the graveyard standing some distance away, but she was still close enough to everyone to just make her stand out as if she wants to be seen.
I told my brother and he removed her without causing too much of a scene. Afterwards she sent me a text which, summarized, basically called me selfish for blocking her from being there and saying I robbed her of the chance to say goodbye properly.
For some reason this is slightly bothering me. I've found myself justifying my actions to myself repeatedly since receiving that text. I still believe I did what was right and put my kids first. She had no business there and her presence would only cause drama. She could always go to his grave whenever she wants to say goodbye. Was I the asshole?
If she was looking for a sympathetic ear, she found it. Here's how the Reddit community reacted to her question.
Infamous_Control_778 said:
NTA She apparently knew she was having an affair with a married man and father and she is unreasonable expecting anything from you. I'm sorry for what you're going through, this must be a hell of a time.
throw05282021 says:
NTA. If she wants to 'say goodbye properly' she can pay for a memorial service of her own.
Having an affair with someone who already has a spouse and children has drawbacks. Not being welcome at weddings, funerals, and other family functions is one of them. She can not plausibly claim to be surprised at being asked to leave.
ColdstreamCapple says:
NTA. She was playing around knowingly with a married man who had a family and now she has the nerve to call you the selfish one??? No sympathy for her, You do what you need to do to protect your kids and family
PWcrash writes:
NTA. She should be absolutely ashamed of herself. I get she's grieving but so is his family who just lost a husband and father and now also have to deal with the fact that he was unfaithful.
And she wouldn't be grieving if she didn't mess around with him in the first place. If she had any class at all she would stay away. And please for the love of God keep the lawyers close in case she comes knocking claiming she's with child demanding money.
Gabbz737 says:
NTA. This lady needs to know her place. She was a side piece and she needs to stay where she belongs. Your family is grieving. She has no right to destroy that.
Condolences on the whole situation.