'AITA for telling my sons that we'd have only one child if my daughter were the first born?'
"AITA for telling my sons that we would have only one child if my daughter were the first born?"
bluegarden63
I (39f) have three kids with my husband (46). Our two boys (13,12) and our girl (10). Before we became parents my husband and I were ,one and done, meaning we only wanted one child. And we wanted a girl. And if our first child would have been a girl, she would very very likely be an only child.
However, I am beyond thankful that we had to try 3 times. I love my boys and wouldn’t trade them in for anything in the world. But the truth is that we only tried 3 times because the first one and the second one weren’t girls.
Yesterday my boys were picking on their little sister. Normally they adore her but yesterday they would not stop making fun of her. They said something like we should put her up for adoption because she is the last one.
They were obviously joking but it upset their sister to the point where she had tears in her eyes. I told them to knock it off again and again but they continued. In the end I said that they should be thankful that their sister is the youngest one because I only wanted a girl and they would not be there if I had my daughter first.
They looked at me in horror. My oldest one asked me if this is really true and I said yes. I know it was harsh and hurtful but they were bullies. My younger son started to sob and the older called me a b*t
When I told my husband what happened, he called me an absolute AH and nutjob for telling our sons the truth. When I begged him to help me to comfort them he told me to f*
They have now started to push their sister around. I am considering leaving with her for a few days so everybody can calm down. I will start looking for therapy. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Asleep-Tank3228
Omg, so your boys, who are CHILDREN, decided to play the oldest sibling tease in the book by saying some variation of “you were adopted” or “we should give you up for adoption”. You told them to stop. They, like every child whose ever existed before them, chose to ignore their parent.
So instead of separating them, explaining what they did that was so hurtful and why it was wrong, and then doling out appropriate punishments, you decided to, what? Scar them for life and fracture your relationship with them, maybe irrevocably? And added resentment to their, previously fairly good, relationship with their sister. Putting a burden on her that isn’t her fault at all.
My bet is this is not the first time you have done something wildly inappropriate as a parent. You need some real therapy. Like deep therapy. Individually and with your children and your children need it individually at this point as well. My bet is you need couples therapy with your husband too, after this.
I’d personally have a hard time ever trusting my kids with my spouse again if they did something like this. Don’t be surprised if this permanently fractures your relationship with your spouse as well. YTA big time.
KetohnoIcheated
I’m the youngest, and some of the things that my siblings told me include: I’m an alien, I was adopted, I was left on my parents doorstep by aliens, and I was an accident. Which, that last one is true, but everyone but my brother was an accident. This is what older siblings do.
Heloise_Morris
If this post has any relationship with the truth, YTA. "I told them to knock it off again and again but they continued. In the end I said that they should be thankful that their sister is the youngest one because I only wanted a girl and they would not be there if I had my daughter first.
They looked at me in horror. My oldest one asked me if this is really true and I said yes. I know it was harsh and hurtful but they were bullies...My younger son started to sob and the older called me a b*tch. Then they ran to their room."
Well, they're not wrong. "When I told my husband what happened, he called me an absolute AH and nutjob for telling our sons the truth. When I begged him to help me to comfort them he told me to f*ck off and now he and my boys are not talking to me and the boys are ignoring their sister."
I like your husband, he shoots straight from the hip. You made this mess, you clean it up. Congratulations, you blew up your family. Your prize is irreparable damage.
DaBrazenMidwesterner
YIKES...I'd def say YTA. You literally stooped to the same level of behavior you asked your children to not engage in. You literally just told them they were unwanted...it is going to be really hard to come back from this, as words like this damage children's psyche. It may be very difficult for then now to not see things as us vs their sister when it comes to the things you do for them.
It is a terrible feeling when you think your parent doesn't want you the same way they want your sibling. A when you have confirmation of it, let me tell you, that shit sticks with you. So, I am horrified for your boys and I do not blame your husband one bit for what he said. What kind of person says this to their children?
many_hobbies_gal
Coming from someone who truly wasn't wanted because of her sex at birth ... YTA more than you could ever know. Knowing the truth, this is still very hurtful even decades later. I live my life knowing that I am never enough. Your careless choice of words is beyond incredible.
Your husband and sons have every right to be angry and not speak to you. What a condescending ugly inappropriate way for any person calling themselves a mother, to behave.
Let me add this to "my story" I intended to say/imply that I am never enough for the parent involved. Yes, there has been therapy, I am happily married over 35 years and doing pretty well. Thank you to those of you who reached out with positivity, support and love. Honestly there is not enough of that anymore, please continue to do this, you are all so kind.
Final_Figure_7150
Wow. YTA. Why would you tell your sons this?? If they didn't know your daughter was your golden child, they definitely do now. You deal with conflict between your kids like the parent you are. You don't say 'you should be glad to be alive because I never really wanted you anyway.'