'My ex demanded child support for a kid that's not mine; my mom and sis' are on her side.' UPDATED 3X
"My ex demanded child support for a kid that is not mine (my mother and sister are on her side.)"
a_confusedperson
Some years ago, I dated a girl. The relationship was bad because she was very controlling and abusive. It ended badly and we broke up. I kept going on with my life, and after some years I got a decent job, enough to solve all my needs, have a comfortable life with some savings.
The thing is, a couple months after getting my job, my ex contacted me and asked me to talk. I believed that she may want to reconnect or something, instead she showed up with a 5-year-old child, claiming he was my son and demanding for child support.
I didn't believe her, but the child age matched the time since we cut contact. I got advice from a lawyer (a friend of mine) to try to solve this out of the court. I offered to take responsibility, pay all the costs and be an active part of the kid's life, only after doing a DNA test. Everyone was ok with this except for my ex.
She acted offended and demanded that I "just give her the money she deserved." She used all the excuses she could, even contacted my family to tell them I was trying to avoid taking responsibility for her child.
When she ran out of excuses, and the DNA test was finally done, SURPRISE! I'm not the father. She was so mad with the result and cried about the money, saying it was unfair and she deserved it, but she didn't accomplish anything.
Moving on to last week, there was a little party at my parents' house. My brother, a friend and I were talking, and my brother started to joke about the situation with my ex.
My friend and I started to joke about it too, some of our comments were a little dark and bad, but we were far away from the rest of the people (literally we were on the opposite side of the house), and nobody else could hear us, at least that was what we thought.
We were laughing like crazies when my sister appeared very angry and pushed me against the wall. She had spied on us and heard our conversation and was really mad. She started to yell at us about how horrible people we were for mocking a poor woman.
A few hours later, after the party ended, she asked me to go to the kitchen with our parents, and she said how awful I was for the previous situation. Apparently, my ex had been in contact with her, and she believed her version, and that was her way to have an intervention.
My brother and I were like "Are you serious?" when she started to say how I "forced my ex into be a single mother" and that "I have the moral obligation to help her." My dad only said that we maybe were being cruel making jokes about her, but that I wasn't responsible for that kid.
My mom then surprised all of us when she said, "even if the kid is not yours, you are making more than enough money to support that child, you should have helped her."
Since then, I have been receiving texts. My dad and my brother are on my side, saying I'm not responsible for her, but my sister is telling me how horrible I am for being ruining their lives.
My mom only said, "it's your decision and I respect it, I'm just very disappointed that you ended up being so selfish." I'm aware that she doesn't deserve my money and I'm not planning on giving her any, but the constant harassment from my sister trying to guilt me, is just exhausting.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after the initial post from the OP:
Whoopsy-381
Tell your sister if she’s so concerned she should give your ex money, since she has as much to do with conceiving the child as you did.
alicat7777
Yes, the perfect answer. People are so free with other people’s money. It’s not his kid! Tell ex to go after the father if she has any idea who that might be!
IchfindkeinenNamen
Is you sister married with kids that don`t look like her husband?
The OP responded here:
a_confusedperson
No, she is single.
CoolWeakness2025
Not your circus, not your monkeys! Don't be guilt tripped into paying for a child that isn't yours. Your family need a good slap.
Six weeks later, the OP returned with an update.
"UPDATE: My ex demanded me for child support for a kid that is not mine, my mother and sister are on their side."
a_confusedperson
It's been a while. After my last post, I read all the comments, and decided to show them to my mother. We had a talk about the situation. Again, she started on my ex's side, but after reading the post and all the comments and opinions, she realized she was wrong.
I think the thing that hurt her the most was all the doubts about if she cheated on my dad and maybe I wasn't his son, and if that was the reason she was on her side. We had a very long conversation.
She told me that she believed my ex because "she was always so nice and kind with her," that she decided to not believe me when I told her all of the things she did to me during the relationship, because a good girl like her could never do something like that, so, "I must be lying." After that, she apologized to me. We are good now.
On the other side, my sister... At first, she decided that she wouldn't talk to me until "I take responsibility," but after some days, I spoke to her. She is totally on her side, even after showing her everything, she said that none of that mattered, because "a woman's word goes first, and that's all the proof anyone could need."
Also, she said, "Even if you are not the biological father, you have a responsibility with her, so you must be man enough to take charge of them and start acting like a real man". She is a lost cause.
About my ex. I did some research, and I found out that, shortly after we broke up, she started dating another guy (or maybe she was cheating me with him before, I'm not sure). They broke up some weeks later, and she had multiple dates until she found out that she was pregnant.
I also found out that she had been trying to "find a father to her kid" for the last 2 years, and I was the next on the list. It looks like she is desperate now, because she was never that aggressive with anyone else before.
Now, the reason for this post.
Some days ago, my ex and my sister came to my workplace. They made a big sign with my face, that say "he abandoned his child" and "irresponsible father" to started drama, saying all their BS.
Their intention was to shame me and use the social pressure to force me to take charge (they literally said it). To not make the story too long, they were escorted out of the place. I had problems, even after showing my proof and legal documents that proved they were lying, I was warned that this better never happen again, or I'd be fired.
After that I contacted my friend, the lawyer, and we are now redacting a very long a detailed paper against them (my ex and my sister too). They went too far, now I'm going against them with everything. Maybe that will scare them enough to leave me alone.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after this update from the OP:
PhrozenPhoenix
Good luck with the restraining order.
The OP responded here:
a_confusedperson
And a defamation lawsuit, and everything my friend can add too.
Tellthewholetrue
Dang your sister is a mess. I would go NC with her.
lizfour
Keep a record of all correspondence you get from your boss over this. If they fire you for the disturbance impacting their business you can sue for damages.
aquavenatus
Why do people do such things?! OP took a DNA test and the child isn’t his, so he doesn’t want to have anything to do with neither the child nor his ex. It’s obvious OPs mother and sister want him to become a “family man,” but this is NOT the way to do it. After the stunt at OPs job, I hope OP sues the hell out of them!
Seven weeks later, the OP returned with another update.
"UPDATE 2: My ex demmanded me for child support for a kid that is not mine, my mother and sister are on their side."
a_confusedperson
Hi everyone, and sorry for the lack of news, last week has been crazy with a lot of stuff, but I think now is a good moment to update you all. First of all, I'm not allowed to talk a lot about the lawsuit, the most I can share with you is that my ex was extremely freaked out when she found out about it.
She is now begging to drop it, she offered to take back everything she said, to never bother or even contact me again. She even tried to guilt me saying that I would be ruining her and her son's life, but honestly, I don't care, I got tired of being the good guy a long time ago. She messed with me, now I'm fighting back.
As for my sister, the lawsuit at first only made her worse. Since her attempt to shame me at my job didn't work, she moved it to social media, spreading her BS about my abandoning "my child" or "not taking responsibility," and "exposing" my legal actions like acts of "censorship and misogyny."
At the end, it will be worse for her, not only because I can dismiss her defamation easily, but also there is now more evidence in our favor. Anyway, this is going to be a long road, and we are just beginning.
Recently, we had a posada at my parents' home. Every year we use this as an excuse to make a big family party before Christmas. I had my doubts, because I didn't want to be near my sister, but after some relatives assured me that she wouldn't be there, I decided to go. Big mistake, she was there.
Mom decided that, despite everything that happened, I was taking this too far, so she wanted all of us to meet to "solve this problem as a family". I tried to get out of there the moment I realized what she intended, but some relatives tried to stop me while my mom cried that I needed to stop, that I was tearing apart the family and needed to learn to forgive and let go.
I realized that, despite everything, even knowing I was telling the truth, she was still on my sister's side. I got out of there, telling her that I'm not attending any family event if she is there, and don't ever think of trying this BS again.
At this point, almost all my family knows what she did. Some of them think my sister is crazy, some others think she is crazy but I'm taking it too far. A couple days ago, mom invited me to spend Christmas with them.
I didn't want to go after what she did, but I decided to give her a chance after she swore that it wouldn't happen again. Not only did she had plans to do it again, but my brother also warned me that this time she intended to lock me in until "I forgive my sister and stop the nonsense!"
I called my mom and told her I knew and that I was done with her and my sister. I warned her to not talk to me until she realizes that she is supporting the wrong person, and also to apologize.
I don't need to say how many times she tried to call me the following hours, and all the drama she made when I didn't show up for Christmas, but, again, I'm tired of being the good guy. So, that's it for the moment. Hope all you had a nice Christmas and I wish you for a happy and drama-free New Year.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after the OP's second update:
the_storm_eye
Thank you for the update and good luck with the lawsuit!
This internet stranger is rooting for you!
boredforaliving
You handled this the best way possible! Not only the lawsuit, but your family situation as well! I can’t think of a lot of people who could handle it like you did!
I wish you good luck with the lawsuit and hopefully your mom and sister will understand the huge mistake they made, and remember, even if they apologize someday, you don’t have to accept it. They betrayed you and chose to believe someone else without any evidence, that’s a good enough reason not to talk to them ever again.
Wyshunu
Ditto! No one should be forced to support a child that isn't theirs just because they were around when the kid was born and/or were fraudulently induced to sign a birth certificate. If DNA proves the child is not theirs, they should be able to seek full recompense with interest from the person who lied. Period.
Avebury1
Had your mother actually tried to lock you in, all you would have had to do was call 911. You could have pressed charges against your mother and had her arrested. It almost would have been worth going over there to see her expression when the police carted her off in handcuffs. Your mother and sister are not the brightest bulbs in the tulip patch are they?
thatravenclaw2001
Who needs enemies when you have a family like this!
One year later, the OP returned with another update.
"UPDATE 3: My ex demanded me for child support for a kid that is not mine, my mother and sister are on their side."
a_confusedperson
Hi to all that still here. Is been a while, mire than a year, and I think now is a good time to give an update about everything that happened with my life during the last year. Lots of things happened, lots of things had change.
1. The lawsuit.
To be short. I won. We didn't get into trial, all got solved in conciliation meetings. My lawyer's strategy was to add all the things we could think, from the harassment, the defamation, to the attempts to put my job in risk, parental fraud, everything. The idea was to scare the shit out of them, and if that didn't worked, there would be lots of charges against my ex and my sister.
My sister kept calling it a bluff, and kept posting all her BS on social media, thing she she regret now, as every single word she posted against me, came back to bite her ass when it was used as proof.
My ex took back everything she said, easier for my forgiveness after seeing that she would lose a lot, so she ended up accepting to compensate the damages off-court, and left my sister alone in a battle she started.
When my sister realized how big things really were, that she was alone now, and she will lose, she freaked out, deleted every single post she did, tries to pretend she never did what she did, but at that point we had all the backups, screenshots and recordings we needed.
On the last conciliation meeting she broke down crying, begging me to forgive her and to don't make her this. But she did this to herself, she had multiple chances to stop, but she kept pushing, and ended up facing the consequences of her own stupidity.
She had to pay me a good amount, plus all the legal costs. My mother helped her to paid, but now she has a considerable debt as my dad demanded her to pay them back over the time.
For a few months, she resented me for what I did, but we ended up talking and getting back on good terms, our relationship is damaged but healing. She confessed me she, at the beginning, felt she was fighting for a good reason, for a cause she believed, to defend a poor woman in need, she believed she was doing the right thing, so she was sure she had to win at the end.
Those ideas were supported by her friends, as she said, those girls were encouraging her to fight, to face me and make me fulfill my obligations, that she was fighting in the name of other women, and those ideas kept on her mind, until things got too real, when she saw there was no way she would win.
Then all those girls disappeared, my ex left her alone, all the ones who gave her support wished her luck and go away. So she had no other choice to surrender. So, that's how things ended with them.
And for the ones who suspected, no, my sister and my ex weren't on a relationship. I don't know where is my ex, and I don't care, she paid and disappeared, and I hope to never see her again.
Some people had told me I went to far with her, even some called me a monster, for "ruining a single mother who already was in troubles" and some had said "I'm not loyal to my family" for taking this far the issue instead of solving it inside the family. At this point, I don't care anymore.
2. My mother
For the months the conciliation lasted, my mom went on my sister's side. Multiple times she tried to convince me to stop, from asking me to just let it go, to trying to guilt me for everything she could think, she even threated me to disown me, to said she would not see me as a son anymore, to separate me from the family. But at the end she couldn't, and was (and still is) resented.
For all those months, and after all was over, I kept asking myself why she does this, why she just kept treating me like this, putting on everyone's side except mine, so, after reading multiple people saying to do this, I finally got to do:
3. The DNA test
After talking about it with my brother and dad, all agreed it was too rare my mom acted like this, and because everything my mom said and implied, my dad had more and more doubts, to the point he was sure she did something.
After some beers, a very hard talk, some tears and the promise that, no matters what the results says, to me and my bro he will always be our dad, we made the dna test. Both of us are his sons.
My dad was so relieved, but then very embarassed for having doubts of his wife's loyalty. He felt very ashamed, so we ended up agreing apologizing yo her for what we did. As I started the talk of the dna test, I asked to be the first on talk and apologize with her.
That night all of us gathered on my dad's house. We sat around the table and I started by recognizing all the fights and tension we had over the months, and apologizing for it, because, after all, she is my mother, but her behaviour make us all wonder and have lots of doubts about why she was being like this, so I suggested all go make a dna test.
Right after saying that, my mom went livid, and half a second later her face went red, got up from the chair and throw at me, pulling my hair, scratching and hitting me, screaming "why you did this" "I hate you" "you had no right".
My father and my brother separate her from me, she immediately started to ask for forgiveness to my dad. My dad was surprised, and furious, when he told her that I was about to apologize to her, because the results said we were his sons, her face was a mix of fear and desperation. Her reaction told us everything.
I never saw my dad so angry. She confessed that long ago she had an affair for a long time, until she got pregnant of me. She never knew if she got pregnant by my dad of by her lover, as they rarely used condoms and she multiple times let him finish inside.
All these years she had the doubt about who was my real father, and she prentended to take this secret to the grave. But now, she exposed herself. And now all made sense. That was the reason she always treated me like this, thats why she always put everyone's else word before me.
Dad throwed her away that nigth. And in very little time, all the family knew about it, we warned them in case she tried to said any lies, thing that she hated, because she called us saying "we had no rigth to said anything, that she is our mother and we cant say anything against her".
4. The aftermath
So, to conclude this craziness. I won a good amount of money. My brother still my best friend. My relationship with my sister is damaged, but healing, and she separate from her toxic and misandrist friends.
My ex is gone (I hope forever this time). Dad is hurt, mom revealed to be a cheater, but they're not divorcing. She is back at my dad's home, but he hasn't forgive her, and for what he said, he never will, but he don't want to get through a divorce or give her anything he had worked for.
On his words, they're married, but they're not a couple, and she now is trying to make earn my dad's forgiveness. And of course, my mom now openly hates me, because, to her, I'm the cause of all her problems. On her words "If you had done what I said, and took charge of the kid, none of this would happened, I hope you're happy now".
And thats it. Sorry for the text wall, hope you all had a good 2023 and also wish you a good 2024. I will keep working, saving and trying to build a life away for this madness. I'll probably will cut contact with my mom, but I don't care at this point anymore.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after this latest update from the OP:
Straysmom
"my mom now openly hates me, because, to her, I'm the cause of all her problems. If you had done what I said, and took charge of the kid, none of this would happened, I hope you're happy now."
It sounds like your mom had such a guilty conscience that she treated you like dirt all of your life. Not that having that info makes any of her actions okay. Now she is blaming you for sticking up for yourself & bringing about her downfall. She did that all on her own.
No Contact would be best. I'm not sure if you should ever trust your sister again. Though one can hope that she learned her lesson about believing people's BS. Watch your back.
The OP responded here:
a_confusedperson
Thanks. Unfortunately all this BS had made me more cinical and not want to trust women now. So I'm watching my back all the time.
Emerald_Fire_22
Honestly, I would recommend someone professional to talk to about all of this. Not just because this will have seriously damaged your ability to trust, but because the revelation of what your mom did and why she's acted this way towards you is going to need a lot of unpacking. I've gone through it with a therapist myself, and honestly, if you can find one that works well with you, I highly recommend it.
Kimmy_95
Whew what a wild ride for you. Im so sorry that you had to go through that and I’m glad it’s over now. I hope the rest of your year continues to get better.
mrmeeseekslifeispain
Dude, your mom is trying to blame you for her own actions from before you were even born. The utter audacity.