Dad says he'll cut off college tuition if daughter takes mental health break.
I (m49) have 4 kids, f22, f19, m10 and f6. 'Amy' is my eldest.
Amy is a very good student but tends to slack off sometimes, regardless she got accepted into a very well known school and we're extremely proud of her. She received some aid and we said we would cover the rest of her tuition fees.
Last year Amy mentioned she was struggling with the coursework, I encouraged her to work harder but she wasn't getting it and we were all worried about her grades slipping.
She said a friend introduced her to 'Jack', a few years her senior who'd graduated from her major with top marks, and she would go to him for tuition. I guess it worked because she started doing better.
Jack died a couple of weeks ago. Amy has understandably been a little upset, and me and my wife have tried our best to comfort her. The issue that's come up now is that Amy said she's going to take this semester off to 'cope'. I was very surprised by this and don't think this is a good idea, as she'll fall behind which might cause problems later.
Amy is insistent with this. I discussed with my wife and told Amy if she takes the semester off, I won't be paying for her tuition anymore. She got mad, but I told her that she can't take time off for virtually zero reason and expect everything to go her way.
My wife agrees with this but my second daughter is also saying that this isn't right. Am I being the asshole with this?
ETA: Forgot to add, Amy stopped having tutoring earlier this year. She's doing fine with the coursework now.
For those asking: Amy mentioned when I saw her on Christmas break last year that she and Jack had started 'seeing each other', but I didn't think it sounded serious.
Amy then told me, when I talked to her after his death, that he'd asked if she wanted to move in with him and she was thinking about it, but again this was the first me or my wife heard of it. Amy's mom apparently knew.
Here's what people thought about Dad's rules:
neosituation_unknown says:
Obvious NTA 100%. It is not her money and she isn't entitled to anything. Your very mild strings are that she continues and finishes her education.
Wolfenbro says:
This is an obvious YTA. It seems as though your daughter’s entire value comes down to how much she scores on your “success scorecard”.
My daughter did two years of her program and then got depressed. She was struggling just to do basic work. We told her to take a term or two off until she was able to address her mental health issues.
We reminded her school would still be there when she came back, but her mental wellbeing was much more important. She took the time and is doing amazingly well now.
OP, your daughter needs a break. It actually doesn't matter why. If she is not in the head space for studies right now, she isn't going to get anything meaningful out of it anyway.
I know as parents we have a deep seated fear that our kids aren't going to make it, and it will be out fault. But in fact, the only way our kids grow up is when they are given the chance to truly make their own decisions.
YWBTA if you don't support her decision.
Ok-Mode-2038 says:
YTA. For zero reason? Seriously? You call losing someone close to you zero reason?