'AITA for dumping my boyfriend after he refused to buy me tampons?'
"AITAH for ending things after he refused to buy me tampons?"
I (27F) had Friday night date plans with my (28M) boyfriend. There were a few things I needed to do before driving the 35 minutes to his place to have our (dinner and movie). I had just got off of work and needed to shower, care for my pet, pack for the night and clean a bit before heading out.
Right before my shift ended I got my period (yay) and with that came super bad cramps, back pain, headache and all the fun period feelings that I didn't expect and so I planned to head a nearby store the closer I got to his place to grab tampons and some period pads.
Right before I showered I get an ETA call from him. I tell him the time he should expect me and gave him a heads up that I'm not feeling too well. He offers sympathy, and then asks if there's anything he can do to help me. I hesitate before I answer, because in the past he's asked and l've said and nothing came of it.
I decided to just give it a shot and ask if he could run to the store since it's about a two minute drive from his place to grab the items for me. I said I can send you the exact products I need which is about just three and also Venmo him. He chuckles and said 'yeah no we can just go together to grab those things.'
I'm shocked and state, 'that would just be a waste. I'll just run there myself.' Some time later I finish my tasks, run to the store, grab my period products and head to his place. It's once we're sitting down later, that I asked him. Why didn't he wanna grab the items for me after he asked if he could help me.
He answers, 'I'm not going to embarrass myself. We could have grabbed it together. Besides, I didn't wanna get up I was in the middle of a game.' After hearing this I ended things and left. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
0hip says:
There was no reason you couldent go yourself. This was a convenience not a need.
Should I go around asking women if their on their period so that I can help them because some how they become less able to function when they are on their period? Is that what you want? To be treated as incapable because of your menstrual cycle?
Acrobatic_Cup3962 OP responded:
That was the plan. “Tampons are a convenience not a need”… noted.
0hip says:
No. Him going to the store instead of you is the convenience
Acrobatic_Cup3962 says:
Noted.
ChallengeGod727 OP responded:
So what exactly is the problem that you two grab them together after he picks you up?
NetCharming6157 says:
You’re both not ready for a long term relationship. Such a stupid issue to fight over.
Acrobatic_Cup3962 OP responded:
No one fought. It was a conversation.
Ok_Outcome9452 says:
U know your periods coming. Why are u not prepared? And I have never asked a guy to get that for me as I am prepared. So u r TA for asking
Acrobatic_Cup3962 OP responded:
I’m the a#&@ole for asking my partner who asked me… noted.
ConsistentDust5001 says:
15 years ago, I'm on a motorcycle ride with friends and get a text from my daughter. She had just started her first period. I cut my ride short and beelined to the drug store.
There I was, standing in the aisle, in full leathers, trying to figure out what she needed. Luckily, a customer saw my confusion and offered to help. I explained my situation and she helped me get what I needed.
I have never been embarrassed buying feminine products. Confused as hell. But never embarrassed. Anyone who won't get out of their comfort zone to help someone they love, isn't worth being loved.
Agreton says:
I don't think you should concern yourself with the negative comments here. I'm a man, and I do all the shopping and cooking in my household. I do the majority of the cleaning. Sometimes my wife helps me with dishes and trash, the cat box once in a while. I don't do this because I want to spoil my wife, or because I don't want my kid to do anything either, because my kid helps out around the house as well.
I do it because it's my responsibility. If my wife and child were not around, I'd be doing it by myself and I refuse to live like a helpless egotistical idiot who won't do what needs to be done, in life, around the household, with my family, or anything else.
Your boyfriend was embarassed because his ego wanted to get in the way of his misperception about manhood. It's selfish, egotistical, shallow minded and cowardly.
If he is so simple minded that he gets confused looking through the selection at the store, why couldn't he simply ask someone for help? That's what the employees in the store are there for, oh right... his ego.
The fact is, he offered to perform an errand for you as a favor. Then he reneged on that offer because it damaged his fragile ego.
So in doing all the shopping for groceries, the cooking and a majority of cleaning, I also buy the pads and tampons for my child and my wife. If your boyfriend is that incompetent, you are better off with someone more intelligent.
I feel you've done the correct thing in leaving him, because if he is so cowardly he cannot stand by his word, what else is he going to run away from? Especially if it's something as simple as going to the store and comparing a picture to a box.
Do me a favor though, do not ever, ever belittle your own intelligence for anyone, nor your standards.
Acrobatic_Cup3962 OP responded:
I’ll stop concerning myself with the negative comments! I promise I won’t belittle myself moving forward. Thank you, Agreton. I appreciate you for sharing a little background into your life and your wonderful insight.
Edits from OP after reading the comments:
Acrobatic_Cup3962
It was amazing to read through all of your stories, advice and comments. There are a lot of amazing husbands, dads, brothers, wives , sisters and friends out there in the comments that have truly made me look at all of this in a different light, a really good light. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
To those in the comments who are just being straight up rude, I will not go back and forth with you. There is a difference between disagreeing and straight up just disrespecting.
This post should not rile anyone up to the point where you’re throwing cuss words, and misogyny around. I’ll leave you with this: we all want and crave different things and that is okay. Don’t let this post agitate you because you disagree.