Guy walks out on date who ordered expensive meal; says he's not apologizing.

AITA for walking out of a date my friend set me up on?

I (27M) am single and living in a large city. I’ve been single for awhile but I recently started going out on dates again, using mostly the apps.

I have 4 really close friends that I’ve known for years. 2 of them are dating each other (well call them B and Z). Z (26F) has been my friend since college and she works as a nurse. She constantly asks about my dating life as I’m the only single person in the group currently.

So she said she wanted to set me up with her coworker (Lauren). She showed me pics, she seemed cute enough. Z did say Lauren had a kid, which normally would be a dealbreaker. I don’t date moms typically but she was cute so we started talking for a few weeks. We spoke for about 3 weeks until we made plans to meet for dinner last Friday.

We set plans to meet Friday at 8 on like Monday of that week. So Friday comes. Conversation flowing normally (we had very very good texting conversations, deeper than getting to know you type convos).

So I arrived at the restaurant and she texted me she was running late. She showed up 25 minutes late. I was sitting there at the table waiting. She apologized and sat down. We talked for a bit and everything felt awkward. Like the conversation wasn’t flowing like it had on text.

I try not to be judgmental but she wasn’t even dressed up. It looked like she just left a gym glass. We were at a nice brewery and she was wearing yoga pants and tank top. I don’t think she did her makeup or anything. Waiter comes by. I ask for just a water.

She orders 2 shots for us. Then proceeds to order the most expensive cocktail on the menu. I was already feeling funny about the whole thing. But then we start talking about what we want to eat and she said she wants a steak.

And then she ordered some charcuterie board that was like $30 for an appetizer. I’m not broke and don’t mind splurging on dates. But I had seen enough and excused myself for the bathroom. I then walked out to my car and left.

I blocked her phone number. Well my friend Z lost it on me this Sunday. Saying she heard what happened. And it was rude and embarrassing. It was wrong to stick her friend with the bill for my things too. I said that I didn’t order anything but 1 beer while there. I didn’t order food before I left.

But I’ll gladly Venmo Lauren $6 for the craft beer but I’m not apologizing for leaving the date. I explained all of what happened but Z being a girl doesn’t get it. My other friends think I was totally right to leave. But AITA?

Here's what people had to say:

ReliefComplex4339 says:

YTA You give off major AH vibes from talking about having a child being a dealbreaker which is ok in itself but how you gave this woman a chance because she's cute. Oozing superficiality. Maybe she picked that up. Breweries are always casual. If you didn't feel comfortable with the date there are many ways to end it.

You felt she was taking advantage of you and ordering expensive things off the menu and that made you uncomfortable. Understandable. Don't take her out again. You asked her out from what I understood so footing the bill or splitting is expected.

wondpoly OP responded:

I have so many issues idk where to start. A child is burden to someone dating a parent. Something I would be willing to overlook if other things are brought to the table. It’s about knowing yourself and your worth. Also it is expected to pay everyone knows that. So I’m expected to drop $125 on this woman and then not speak to her again because why? Tradition?

Rough_Elk_3952 says:

A child is not a burden FFS.

wondpoly OP responded:

Lol yes it is when you are talking about dating a parent. Use whatever term you wanna use. But it definitely is a hurdle (if that’s better) to dating someone. Just be realistic

sonny-v2-point-0 says:

Did you invite her to dinner? Normally, the one who does the inviting is the one who pays. If she thought you were paying and ordered the most expensive cocktail, an expensive appetizer, and one of the most expensive dinners in addition to ordering a shot before dinner was even served, she was pretty rude. But you could have handled it much better.

Her ordering shots for both of you was an indication that she was probably ordering the expensive appetizer for the both of you too. That would have been the time to tell her that you weren't interested in hard liquor or an appetizer. She could have then cancelled the appetizer or chosen a smaller one. You should have cancelled the shot if you didn't want it.

It also wouldn't have been out of line for you to tell her that she seemed pretty hungry and it might be better to get separate checks this time. Just because someone wants to stick you with an enormous dinner and drinks bill doesn't mean you have to let them. But you shouldn't have ducked out on her.

wondpoly OP responded:

I 100% realized what she was doing when the shots were ordered. I agree maybe I should have said something then. I just wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt.

kdhj88 says:

NTA

You didn’t feel a connection. Lol. I’ve left plenty of dates because of that same reason. You aren’t obligated to provide an explanation for why you left. The only ‘wrong’ you did was leaving her to pay for your beer….but you did offer to give her the money for said beer…sooo….no big deal.

wondpoly OP responded:

Thank you. I will gladly give her $10 for my drink and a tip if this smooths things over with Z. I didn’t feel like I was obligated to provide an explanation either.

Ranos131 says:

YTA.n Your entire post is ridiculously judgy. Then when she starts ordering expensive things rather than say something you just walk out? Was there even an expectation that you were paying?

wondpoly OP responded:

Let’s be real here man. Nobody goes on dates asking who is gonna pay for it. Especially as a man. The expectation is if you ask for the date (which I did) then you are expected to pay for the first one. Every waiter looks at the guy when asking about checks. It’s common knowledge. What was I supposed to say? “Hey stop ordering all that expensive stuff” then what do I look like? Lol

Elaan21 says:

So, I don't have a kid, but I'm in my 30s and rarely get a chance to 'treat my self' so if I'm going out for dinner or something, I'll usually splurge a bit - on my own dime.

Granted, I'd probably mention I was planning on paying for myself if I was ordering super expensive things, but that's from bad experiences like this wanker. He could have easily said 'oh, I wasn't planning on going all out' or something to hint at bill splitting or just ask.

As much as I hate it, him being judgy doesn't put him in AH category for me, but walking out without a word absolutely does. If he'd kept his judgy to himself and acted like an adult, fine. He's welcome to his preferences, I guess, but finish out the date like a normal person and then say you weren't feeling it.

But to walk out like an absolute child? Nah. Absolutely an asshole.