Woman disapproves of friend's BF, changes her mind, is 'shocked' he doesn't like her.

It's never a walk in the park when you don't like a friend's partner. Regardless of whether they truly deserve the side eye, or you're simply being judgmental, the palpable tension can affect group plans and even your original friendship itself.

Oftentimes, the best thing to do for the sake of a friendship is to put aside judgments and figure out if it's possible to support them without betraying your own convictions.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she's wrong for assuming her friend's partner liked her even though she doesn't like him.

She wrote:

AITA for assuming my friend was keeping her partner away because I didn’t like him when actually he didn’t like me?

I (38f) have known ‘Ally’ (40f) for 15 years. We first met at work when were single and the youngest people there. We became good friends and socialized together and still do. Ally then met her partner ‘Matt’ who she is still with years later. He does not share her interests. He is an avid football supporter (UK) and very anti the rival football team.

Even when he doesn’t go to watch matches live, he watches at the pub with male friends. He plays sport with his friends. She’s a football widow. She likes going to the theatre and to dinner. He’ll go to dinner with her but doesn’t much enjoy the theatre unless it’s a serious play (she likes musicals) and she ends up going with female friends.

She says she doesn’t mind, they aren’t joined at the hip and she has plenty of friends and relatives who enjoy going to the theatre with her and that she doesn’t want to go to football. I wonder...

I am known for being brutally honest. When she introduced me to Matt, she asked my opinion and I gave it. I didn’t really see them together. I didn’t like that he drinks and swears. He has a professional job but isn’t very ‘refined’ unlike her and I found him a bit difficult to connect to.

At the time she was hurt but got over it and generally just engineered it so I never really saw him. He was always ‘busy’ when I organized a party etc. They now have 2 young boys and he looks after them when she comes out with her friends. TBH more recently my opinion of him has improved. He seems to be a really good daddy to the boys and they clearly adore him. They are also football mad!

It took me longer to meet my SO ‘Edward’ but I now have and we have just got engaged. Ally and Matt both attended our engagement party. Edward actually also likes football and ended up getting on really well with Matt. Later I asked Ally if she’d be up for doing something as couples, as Edward and Matt got on well. She was non-committal.

A few weeks later I tried to arrange something and she accepted for herself but “Matt was busy.” I explained I wanted to do something with the four of us when he was free. She kept stalling. I pushed it (maybe I shouldn’t have) and she said it wasn’t a good idea because he and I didn’t get on. I said it was ok, I’d changed my opinion more recently and Edward liked him.

She looked surprised and then awkwardly let me know it was because he didn’t really like me! She “thought I knew!” I didn’t and I was upset - this was news. I asked her why. She was embarrassed but said he found me judgmental and “too much.” I don’t even know what that means. A few other examples as well!

I was hurt and told her I had assumed she kept us apart because I didn’t like him not the reverse. She said that we didn’t get on so what difference did it make. I’m beyond hurt and did react badly and told her some home truths about him. I regret this now and tried to apologize but she won’t return my calls. AITA?

People who have been on all sides of this partner-friendship coin commented on the post with their assessments.

Apprehensive-Fan-250 wrote:

YTA. 'brutally honest' is always code for 'excuse to be an a*s.' And now you're butthurt that your very own behavior got flipped on you? And you doubled down when told so? Maybe this is the time for some honest self reflection.

Kittenn1412 wrote:

Let me get this straight: you said a bunch of incredibly rude things to someone's new partner, then one day decided you like them actually and didn't realize that everything you've ever done to them caused them to form an opinion of you?

My girl, every person who is not you in the world has a mind of their own and exist in the world outside of how they relate to your life. They all have deep inner worlds just as complex as your own. Not everything is about you. Oh and YTA.

BiscuitNotCookie wrote:

INFO: Why is ok for you to be 'brutally honest' with people in your own life, and yet when your friend is gently honest with you, you lash out at her and verbally attack her husband?

lihzee wrote:

YTA. This is honestly hilarious. You WERE judgmental. Not 'refined' enough? JFC, OP. You reap what you sow.

LittleFairyOfDeath wrote:

What 'truths?' Also just based on this post alone I fully agree with him. You were judgmental and can’t take what you dish out. How is them having two different hobbies a problem? They clearly understand eachother regardless of it. And you were fine when it was based on you not liking him but how dare he not like you?

That is hypocritical. And most of the time 'brutally honest' just means judgmental jerk. YTA and honestly i would drop you as a friend

Clearly, OP is TA, and in need of some serious self-reflection. Hopefully, this brutally honest ruling helps her look in the mirror.