Woman ditches BF and friends at bar after he makes 'joke' about her native language.

When someone tells you who they are, believe them. Even if they tell you you're overreacting, scratch that - especially if they tell you they're overreacting. Those little red flags that rear their heads early on are only going to get worse down the road, so it's wise to listen to your gut and cut and run when needed. Still, sometimes you need that outside confirmation to know you're making the right choice.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for leaving her boyfriend at a bar because of a joke he made. She wrote:

'AITA for leaving my boyfriend at a bar because of a joke he made?'

I (22F) have been dating my boyfriend (23M) for about 9 months now. I am Asian and grew up in my home country pretty much all my life until I was 19 and went abroad to a European country to study. My boyfriend is from this country I'm currently studying in. He has shown interest in my background a bit and I honestly like talking to him about it.

I never questioned anything about our relationship until last night when we went to a bar with some of his friends. One of his friends asked if my bf was trying to learn my native language and we told him no. My bf went on to joke about how my language sounded too rough and weird from him to even try. I gave him a confused look and he said that he would've if it were more like Japanese or Korean.

I was completely silent after that and made up some excuse and left. It wasn't subtle at all but I didn't care at the time and felt like crying. He's been blowing up my phone with messages and calls and all the messages say is that I overreacted and embarrassed him in public. I haven't replied or picked up any of his calls.

I am in no way saying that he must learn my native language but the way he explained it hurt me. Now I'm wondering if I really did overreact and am looking too deep into it so AITA for doing that?

Reddit did not hold back on this one.

BoyoDee wrote:

NTA. He called your language “rough and weird”, how is that a joke?

EDIT: Because I keep getting the response “well a lot of languages can be considered weird and rough” yes, not disagreeing with you there. But you don’t say that at your SO’s expense as a joke. Calling out her language like that was rude.

Ikfactor wrote:

NTA and the fact he's blaming you for having a reaction to a jerk comment instead of apologizing and trying to shift blame is a major red flag to me. He embarrassed himself, you're not responsible if he was given crap because he said something unkind.

CakeEatingRabbit wrote:

NTA.

That was a real ahole thing to say. Also a weird look to the future. Like 'I won't ever try to speak even a few words of your language.'

SuspiciousTea4224 wrote:

NAH. I am from the Balkans and I can’t count how many times people told me my language sounds rough. Like I am fighting all the time. I talk to my mom and my bf asked me ‘why did you fight, what happened’? Or ‘oh no, did something bad happen?’. I am like we didn’t fight, I literally told her I love her lol. But that’s just how it sounds to people, I see it as normal?

Puzzleheaded-Cat6130 wrote:

My native language isn't English and if i am honest I don’t understand why would anyone be upset by comments from your bf. I wouldn’t be. It’s nothing personal. Especially since he's shown interest in your culture. I think it’s totally ok to break up with someone that constantly makes fun of something that is dear to you, seeing that upsets you. I have certainly done it more than once.

But this is just one comment. And objectively people do categorize many languages that way - i guess i just laugh it off when someone says something like that; because for me its not true, but they are allowed to have that opinion. I will say NAH, because I don't have a heart to call you TA.

Classy_Debauchery wrote:

NTA. My ex was from Vietnam and it was actually quite the bonding experience for me to learn her language (try to at least!). A good partner would want to learn, especially if they wanted a long term future with you. I understand some of the tonal languages are frankly very difficult for some people to learn but to joke about it sounding too weird or rough, well that's really rude to be frank.

While people are pretty divided, it looks like most commenters are leaning towards NTA.