Dad asks if he's wrong to refuse to pay for son's dental surgery; 'I said NOPE.'

'AITA for refusing to pay for my son's dental surgery?'

I'm divorced from my son's mom and she took the easy way out on the financial arrangements. Basically I got stuck paying things that are certain like our sons' private school and extracurricular activities where she's responsible for their health insurance and medical bills and their manny.

She doesn't pay much for coverage and our sons don't need medical care. Until now.

Our 8yo super cute son has a tooth growing from the roof of his mouth and it needs removed quickly. It's not a simple procedure because he needs to be put under anesthesia and we have to go to a pediatric oral surgeon (most oral surgeons will not do the procedure on a child).

We eventually found a very good pediatric oral surgeon and it's going to come out to be $3000. It's that much because dental insurance doesn't cover much and an anesthesiologist is expensive. It had to be paid half for an appointment and half day of the appointment.

My ex asked me if I was going half. I said NOPE.

This bill is your problem not mine. This is what you wanted, remember? You spent the last few years with so little childcare expenses that you got used to it. She went on to say that she doesn't have that kind of cash laying around and it doesn't make sense to put it on a credit card with interest rates.

I told her to go sell blood. I don't care. And yes, I actually budget my money and could pay all of it and it wouldn't be that big of a deal. She ended up having to take a loan from her credit union to pay for the surgery. Our son was always going to get his surgery and there was no delay.

Edit: Removing the tooth quickly had more to do with trying to get the procedure done before the holidays than medical necessity.

Here's how people judged OP:

FierceFeyreisa writes:

YTA. Your son’s health should come before anything else. The cost of such a huge and urgent medical expense should have been split, regardless of your divorce agreement.

Admirable-Shallot155 OP responded:

This wasn't an emergency.

shikka-pow writes:

YTA never use your kids as pawns in your marriage. even if you had to pay and then sue the ex in court for the funds she is legally obligated to pay, then that would have been the correct route.

Admirable-Shallot155 OP responded:

I divorced her

TieFew8487 writes:

YTA. When you have a child with an ex, your are supposed to love your child more than you hate your ex. You are clearly doing the opposite. The well being of your child should be more important to you than spiting your ex. You're a bad parent.

Admirable-Shallot155 OP responded:

Then she shouldn't have asked to pay for medical

Dipping_My_Toes writes:

ESH - Your wife for trying to renege on the agreement and you for sounding more interested in sticking it to her than your son's welfare.

I see the statement that his care was never in question and presume that you would have stepped up and paid if it really had been an issue, so partial credit. But for the sake of your children, you two need to start acting like coparents instead of squabbling toddlers.