Husband secretly buys truck so wife can't afford to divorce him. UPDATED
"I can’t afford a divorce."
memawszuchinnibread
My husband bought a NEW truck without my knowledge. Just drove home with a truck and a $860/month payment for 5 years. We bring in 4400/month. Our mortgage is $900/month. My car payment is $320. I have one year left on that. We pay $500/week for daycare for our single kid, so that’s HALF our money gone at the end of the month.
After our mortgage, this new truck payment, my car payment and daycare, that will leave us with a grand total of $330 a month for our other bills. “We will be fine,” he says. I just lost it. Then he told me to get a second job if I was so worried.
I am so close to graduating with my Bachelor of Science in Nursing. I can’t have two full time jobs and go to school full time FOR A TRUCK HE BOUGHT. He told me to sell my car because his truck gets better mileage.
I asked him how his diesel truck getting 22 miles to the gallon is better than my car that gets 32. He said the tank is bigger on his. It’s like he’s been replaced with a stupid alien. I don’t even know what his thought process has been.
We cannot survive on $330/month or pay our other bills, water, gas (diesel for his stupid new truck), electric and, oh yeah, FOOD. We will have left to prepare for emergencies. I am so angry. This is the most irresponsible thing.
I can’t even leave. I won’t be able to find a place to rent for under $900 a month. Beside that, this is my home damn it. I can’t afford the mortgage and other bills on my own. I’m just an NA right now. I only bring home $1800/month. It is nowhere near enough to even cover daycare. I couldn’t afford a lawyer anyway.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after this initial post:
SgtHbic96
I’m sorry, I hate to bring this up. But what about car insurance for the truck? Since he’s paying a monthly payment, that means he’s financing the truck. Which means it must have full coverage, not just liability coverage. That is also another huge expense.
He’s left absolutely no money in your monthly budget for bills, water and food. I would check with the dealer on their policies. Is it possible for him to sell it back to the dealer??? I have no idea. All I know this won’t work unless HE gets a second job. Not you. Jeez.
Red_Clay_Scholar
If I did that my wife would make sure my truck wound up at the bottom of a lake.
rraveness
I'll give you the same advice that I'd been given in a similar situation. Make plans to leave and don't make any moves until you can. Basically, suffer through until you get your degree finished and leave him. In the mean time, I agree with everyone about moving money. Hopefully, you both don't share an account.
If you're in charge of paying the bills and controlling finances/ budget. Move all of the money for bills into your account/ a separate account. Sit back and watch him get that truck repossessed because he can't pay for it.
Aromatic_College_697
You'll make around $100,000 a year with your BSN so maybe leave him before you get hired on somewhere. Otherwise you'll be paying him alimony.
seovs88
He can pay his own damn car bill. Who pays the rest of the bills? Like who does the literal paying? If it's you (which would be my guess), I'd cut him off from the rest of the funds. Like move all the rest of the money to some other account.
The OP responded after reading the comments:
memawszuchinnibread
I am overwhelmed with all the wonderful advice here. I always come here to read the advice; it’s one of my favorite spots on Reddit. I can’t respond to you all. We have (had) amazingly great credit. I am just sick over this. He is refusing to take back the truck.
We had another blow up over it. I graduate in December and I already have an offer of employment at the hospital I work for so he said he “took a chance on a great offer because our money situation will change.”
I told him I was done. We can’t go 6 months on nothing. And $500/week is CHEAP daycare for where we are at and it’s a very good daycare, I am not leaving my baby at some sketchy home daycare. I am not quitting my job to stay home so my husband can have a f*^%$ng truck.
The hospital is helping to pay my tuition and I like my job. I am not going to be stuck jobless and dependent on a man, no thanks. No he hasn’t hit his head or have any sort of mental issues that I know of.
7 months later, the OP made an unexpected return with an update in the comments.
memawszuchinnibread
I got my BSN! I have a great job as a GN (Graduate Nurse. I take my boards soon, then I will be an RN) and I kicked him out and began divorce proceedings. He had to move in with his dad. Life is good now!
Our money is separated because we are separated! But, yes, I got my BSN. I'm now waiting to take my registration exam but I landed a great job as a Graduate Nurse. Life is great now, logging into Reddit for the first time because I’ve been a little busy and wow! If anyone is wondering if they should drop dead weight in a relationship… DO IT. It’s the most freeing thing ever.
Here were the top rated comments from readers still following the story:
Infernalism
I can't imagine what kind of thinking drives a man to buy a vehicle with a monthly note equal to the mortgage payment for five years. With a kid, no less. I mean, I'm happy for the girl, but my brain is stuck on the guy's stupidity. I can't wrap my head around it.
tacwombat
Based from what OP shared, he was thinking ahead with all the money she would eventually rake in with her BSN and jumped ahead with the bad decisions like they've won the lottery.
LiraelNix
"Have you ever considered that the truck may bring him happiness. Is he not allowed to be happy?" I mean, if a truck makes him happier than ensuring his wife and child have enough to survive... surely he'd be thrilled by the divorce no?
"You think divorce will provide a more stable life for you and your baby?"
Earning less (as in, one option income as opposed to two) but having full control of that expense instead if worrying someone us going to spend your money on trash... is absolutely more stable, yes
GremlinAtWork
"Divorce is hell on children."
So is not eating and keeping the lights on, though???
8nsay
There are sooooo many people (usually men) who are soooooo concerned about children when it comes to people (usually women) divorcing their partner (usually a man). But, curiously, their concern for children never extends to expecting the dumped partner to actually step up and be a better partner and better role model for those poor, innocent children. Weird.