Woman furious fiancé was looking into her divorce; says, 'you invaded my privacy.' AITA?
"AITA for 'lying' to my fiance about how my first divorce really went down?"
I (34F) have been with my fiance (40M) for 6 years now. He proposed a year ago and we were looking at a small October wedding.
Before I was with my fiance, from 21 to 26 I was married to my ex husband (34M.) Those were some of the happiest and worst years of my life. My ex was the most attractive guy I had ever met, and even now he looks like a 24 year old instead of an almost 35 year old.
However, we were stuck in dead end jobs because we were both high school dropouts living in Alabama. We were creatives who wanted to save money to move to New York or LA, but never had any money. We both worked in service positions but I felt that most of the people who walked in the doors were just idiots.
I grew to hate serving them and this reflected in the tips and performance reviews I got. Meanwhile my ex would get mad at me not showing up to work and saying the people I served deserved basic respect from me.
I ended up quitting my job and my ex made me take the job at the hotel where he worked. And I got more depressed because I felt life was passing me by and my ex expected us to accept our life was just going to be about work. We got into more fights about how he had to convince the manager to not fire me.
Finally I got so depressed that I started talking to a friend of mine who was a nightclub dancer in Atlanta. I took a train there and tried out. I was ashamed to tell my husband that I was doing this behind his back and didn't want to face his anger over me quitting the job he got me.
So one day I just packed up and left. My ex filed for divorce and listed abandonment as the cause. We only had $2,000 in assets. To settle the divorce, my ex mailed me a check for $900, assumed our credit card debts and that was that.
He has never contacted me again, so I assumed he was not hurt. I eventually became a hospital receptionist and met my now fiance, who is a radiologist. I told him about being divorced once but said that we grew apart, and then sat down and amicably worked out a divorce.
My fiance replied it was a mature decision that spoke well to my character. I thought that the omission of detail was far from evil- I was not unfaithful or abusive.
However, in the midst of announcing our engagement a friend of my ex resurfaced and he was able to contact my fiance without my knowledge. From there, my fiance, dug up information about my divorce including the fact I was accused of abandonment by my ex. He even talked to former friends of mine.
He finally confronted me and said that I lied about how I ended things with my ex and called me cold.
He said that this gave him cold feet about who he was marrying and that he wanted to postpone the wedding indefinitely. I am heartbroken. He's now staying somewhere else and says he needs time to think.
We had an argument where I was angry he invaded my privacy about something that happened a decade ago. I have been supportive of his career and stuck around for 6 years waiting for him to be ready to commit.
AITA? I hate the fact that Alabama divorces are public record and he's using that to defend his actions.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
“He never contacted me again, so I assumed he was not hurt” Ma’am, you ghosted a whole marriage??? That is a big red flag for any partner of course it matters you lied about it.
You can literally see the YTA building throughout the whole past, and the final sentences are the cherry on top.
literally she was TA from like the third sentence and then it just got worse and worse as it went on.
YTA. You lied to your partner about something very significant. Maybe you didn’t hold that marriage in high regard- but to most people, marriage is not taken lightly.
You don’t have to tell your partner every detail of your past. But the fact that you told him something completely opposite of what happened and he found out from someone else- makes everything you say now not at all believable. You lost his trust and you have to accept the very real possibility you probably won’t get it back.
This was all on you. You were the one who lied, and everyone knows lies have a way of coming out on their own. YTA.