Teen girl gets 'dress coded' at summer camp; dad angry mom won't 'stand up for her.'
'AITA (Am I the a-hole) for not standing up for my daughter when she got dress coded at camp?'
Left-Swimming-2338 writes:
I’m sending my kids to outdoors camp, it has been a great time for everyone. My daughter Rebecca 15 is pretty rebellious with clothes, she hears a rule and will go out of her way to break it or try to get around it. It has caused so many problems before.
She picked out the camp, I get a catalog about the summer camps and the kids pick what they want to do.
Now the camp has you do activities like rock climbing or canoeing. The dress code is basically work out clothes, nothing with strings or lose fabric that can get caught. My daughter was wearing leggings and a runner shirt before I dropped her off.
She snuck in a dress and changed into it at camp.
Well that was a no go, and they made her change back to her workout clothes or she couldn’t do the activities. They also sent me a note saying we have other things to do and if it happens again she will be asked not to return.
I agree with them 100 % but she has been going on about how they can’t police her clothes and my husband and daughter things I am a jerk for not fighting the camp on the dress code.
What do you think? Is OP betraying feminism or being practical?
Here's what Reddit thought...
NTA (Not the a-hole) - the reason they “dress coded” her was likely for safety reasons so nothing gets caught during the aforementioned activities. It’s not “policing her clothes” - it’s ensuring her safety.
NTA. I am however concerned about the priorities your daughter (and perhaps your husband) seems to have. How is it difficult to understand that prettying herself is one thing, safety is another.
OP responds:
My husband has trouble with when to pull back support for my daughter, especially with issues that affect women only. I think he is trying to be supportive since dress codes are usually awful. Also doesn’t help he is not athletic at all, and I think he doesn’t understand why climbing it a dress won’t work. Which I need to talk to him about.
“They can’t police her clothes”? Actually, they can and they have to. If she gets hurts because she’s dressed inappropriately for an activity, it’s their ass getting sued for allowing her to participate while dressed in a way that increases her risk of injury. She’s 15. She’s old enough to understand that there’s a time & place to be as cute as possible, and it isn’t at an athletic day camp.
OP replies:
This has been a problem before, she always wants to look 100% perfect but usually doesn’t dress for events properly. Usually way over dressed. When she gets any looks she just brushes them off. It won’t get through her head to be honest. We've had this talk so many times. It’s a simple concept so I don’t get why she doesn’t understand it or if she does why she keeps ignoring it.
She wants control, that's why. She's trying to assert an identity, and to express herself the way she wants, situation be damned. But yes, she's going about it in a way that isn't very constructive lol. But it's just something that's incredibly, INCREDIBLY important to a teenage girl.
OP asks:
Can I do anything about that or am I just going to suffer until she grows out of it?
Narrow-Natural7937 suggests:
Show her pictures of rock climbing injuries.
OP didn't do that (hopefully). But she did update us!
Left-Swimming-2338 added later:
Thank you to a suggestion, I sent my husband a video of rock climbing in a dress, this should make it really clear why she can’t do that. Good news he gets it now, and gave an apology. We are going to talk about this and find a solution.
Got off a call with the camp, they gave a shop that has stuff that will be fine - their dresses are more like body suits, but it might work for her. They also suggested those one piece workout suits. Going to do a shopping with her tonight. Hopefully she will like them, I did send a picture to ask if she likes it, so hopefully.