Woman snaps at cousin who is upset her namecard says 'Ms.' instead of 'Dr.' AITA?
Everyone takes different things personally, and navigating the minefield of emotional moments can be a full-time job.
Since it's impossible to fully predict what will brush someone the wrong way, the easiest way to avoid unnecessary conflict is to communicate clearly and avoid escalating any moments of tension. However, not everyone is good at this.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for snapping at her cousin about her 'useless degree.'
She wrote:
AITA for addressing my cousin as Ms (and not Dr) on a place setting and telling her to stop acting as if the world revolved around her degree?
Me (F28) and my fiance recently had our engagement party. It was mostly close friends and family and overall was an amazing time. We had place settings for everyone with their names on cards, as well as their title (Ms, Mr, Mx, etc). It was a formal event so that's how I decided to do it, it wasn't even that serious obviously. On my cousin's card it said Ms.
She has a doctorate degree and she came up to me at the end of the night, asking why her card said Ms and not Dr (and also her partner's). I said sorry, it's not a big of a deal, but she seemed to get upset and said I was devaluing her and her profession. I didn't want to deal with her right then and I had other people to talk to, so I just sort of ignored her and went on my way.
Later, she texted and again she said how this was apparently disrespectful. I got kind of annoyed so I told her to stop acting like the world revolves around her useless degree and making a big deal out of nothing.
People had a lot of strong opinions on this one.
venus_4938 wrote:
YTA. 'It was a formal event so that's how I decided to do it, it wasn't even that serious obviously.'
Was it formal or not serious, those seem pretty incompatible? You specifically chose to ignore a title that probably took years to earn, that can't feel good for a family member to do. She should've addressed it after the party, but I do feel like we're missing out on a lot of background here.
ETA: found the missing background! Two guests got to be Dr on their cards. How can you not be the AH here?
AMadManWithAPlan wrote:
YTA. Wow so you 1.) Messed up her title. Doctorates don't always matter, but this is one way in which they do. She spent 7+ years earning the right to be called Dr., the least you can do is respect it. 2.) When she approached you about it later, instead of apologizing you insisted it 'didn't matter'. 3.) You ignored her and walked away cause apparently you're 12 years old?
How hard is it to say 'oh sorry, it was an honest mistake'? Incredibly rude behavior. I hope your wedding invitations spell your name wrong and the printer tells you 'it doesn't matter' and stops returning your calls.
NoiseProvesNothing wrote:
YTA because you used titles for at least 2 other people* and because of how you handled your cousin's query. It seems clear you didn't use her title deliberately, to make some kind of point. Very mature.
OP supplied this information in replies.
Cocoasneeze wrote:
YTA. For this comment 'Yeah I mean, I don't think this is such a big deal. She's not a medical doctor (her SO did go to medical school but he's also not a physician/surgeon/anything like that). I'm not saying it isn't hard work, but I could get a doctorate in triangle-playing and demand everyone address me as such.'
You've become the AH. I suspect you've put down your cousin a lot over time, and she's simply standing up for herself.
ETA: So her degree is in forensic science, and you call it a useless degree. You truly sound jealous.
rapt2right wrote:
YTA. You willfully and arbitrarily chose not to use her (and her partner's) correct & preferred form of address. You did correctly use 'Dr. Thusandsuch' for another guest with a Ph.D, so you can't even pretend it was a stylistic choice. You were being petty and you still are.
OP is clearly an AH, and her disrespect (and potential jealousy) for her cousin is dripping from the entry.