'AITA to be upset my parents don't consider my adopted daughter their granddaughter?'
"AITA to be upset my parents don't consider my adopted daughter their granddaughter?"
aitamum3837
I adopted my husband's niece Sarah 9 years ago. While it was hard for Sarah to adapt at first, she loves us and is our daughter. She's an amazing kid and loves me and my family.
I'm currently pregnant and two weeks ago we found out it was a girl. When we told my parents they were excited about their "first granddaughter". It bothered me, but I tried to ignore it. But yesterday, I had enough. My mum was mentioning things to pass down and I reacted stronger than I probably should have, but I was pretty mad.
Sarah has officially been their grandaughter since she was 2. Luckily they didn't say it around Sarah but I was not happy. We had a fight over it, with them claiming Sarah doesn't count and trying to justify it by saying she's from my husband's family not ours.
But she's my daughter, their grandaughter. She calls them her grandparents. My sister is her aunt and my nephew is her cousin. If they don't accept Sarah then there's no way I'm wanting them around either daughter.
My husband thinks what they said was wrong but thinks I should let it go. He thinks it wasn't meant the way I'm taking it. But with his history he tends to be a bit of a push over when it comes to family (understanding obviously, but still) and they haven't apologied, if anything they've double down.
I don't want Sarah hearing any of this, and if I can't trust them to treat our girls equal then I can't trust them with them. Everyone else thinks I'm overreacting, but I don't agree.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
Original-Buffalo-649
NTA. Family is about love, not blood. Sarah is your daughter, and your parents should treat her as such. It's important to stand up for your children and ensure they are treated equally.
The OP responded here:
aitamum3837
Thanks, that's how I see it. She's such a great girl and hearing that makes me so mad.
namesaretoohardforme
NTA. They don't deserve to be around Sarah. Your husband also needs a reality check.
Again, the OP responded:
aitamum3837
If they keep this up I agree for sure. My husband is usually great, it's just when it comes to family stuff he's sensitive because I know how much it hurt him losing his sister (she was all he really had as family)
Mysterious-Plum-5691
First, thank you for adopting your niece, and for standing up for her. I was adopted by my stepdad when I was young and my dad’s grandparents always accepted me but my dads aunt never did.
She never counted be as a niece but her parents always stood up for me and always corrected her. My grandmother told her she needed to get over herself. So thank you!! Stand your ground and please keep fighting for both your daughters.
WielderOfAphorisms
NTA. They’ve spoken aloud what their true feelings are. They will show favoritism. This will be a problem.
Spare-Article-396
I could somewhat understand their baby excitement if this was a recent adoption and they haven’t bonded with her yet. But she’s been your daughter/their granddaughter for most of her life. Most definitely NTA.
gtwl214
NTA This girl has lost her mother, had to adjust to life altering changes and now is being treated differently because she’s not biologically related to you. Please please protect her, tell your parents and husband that comments like that are unacceptable.
It’s one thing for them to be excited for your first pregnancy, but for them to say “Sarah doesn’t count” when she’s been around for almost a decade is just hurtful. I’m an adoptee, I knew when extended family didn’t really see me as their own, even if they didn’t say it, their actions sure did. Good on you for standing up for this girl.
SuperWomanUSA
Ok, hear me out. YOU adopted Sarah (your husband’s niece) and consider her YOUR daughter. That’s great and fine, BUT they don’t have to feel the same. I say that constantly on this website. Just because you Iove Sarah as your daughter doesn’t mean they have to live her as their granddaughter.
Maybe they simply love her as a family member, or love her as a member of your family, or maybe they don’t love her at all but treat her well because you love her. All of those feelings are valid. Who you love and the relationship you have with someone does not simply make that relationship “replicate” to the people in your life.
While you MAY feel like they’re her grandparents, and your sister her her aunt, you’ve clearly never asked them how they felt. YOU made their familia bonds / relationships, but seems that you never considered they don’t feel the same.
Just because they may not consider her their granddaughter doesn’t mean they don’t care about her and not interested in treating her well. BUT if they want to pass things down to BLOOD relatives, that’s their right as well.
There are NAH here (for now). If your parents start to treat her poorly or showing blatant favoritism I would absolutely protect my child first. I (however) do not feel that people have the right to tell people how to feel about other people l. Regardless of how we feel about them.