Daughter learns dad has secret family when half brother contacts her for bone marrow. + 18 month Update
"It was revealed that my dad has a secret other family and now there is drama"
Throwrasecrets27
The story is that my dad had a child with another woman shortly after he married my mom but before I was born. My brother that I didn't know about is 32. I'm 28F and my younger brothers are 26 and 24.
My dad gave the other woman money over the years and her and my brother knew my dad was married and had a family but none of us knew about them. The only reason my brother 32M revealed the secret is because his son needs a bone marrow transplant and they are looking for a match and anyone with a blood relation is the best chance for one.
My mom feels betrayed obviously and I doubt their marriage will survive. But I hate all the drama and gossiping that is happening in my family. I hate drama in general and this is like my worst nightmare.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's initial post:
New-Environment9700
Your poor mother.. and really all of you. Your father betrayed your entire family which is a huge trauma. And it seems the other woman knew he was married which is lovely also. I’m sorry for the pain your family is going through.
The OP responded here:
Throwrasecrets27
Thank you for the support.
Icy-Plan5621
A full sibling is the best chance for a bone marrow match, the next most likely match is a complete stranger. Half siblings, or half-aunts are astronomically less likely to be a match.
I’m sorry, but no one from your family will match this child. Source of my knowledge: my parent needed a bone marrow transplant, and I was told I would be a 50% match. Sorry about the sick child and your family turmoil. Your dad stinks!
Plane-Perspective-38
So did your dad get tested? What did he say? I’m sorry about the little boy! Proud of you all for trying to help btw! You all will probably end up needing therapy after all this.
The OP again responded:
Throwrasecrets27
My dad got tested when my nephew first got diagnosed.
He just says the past is the past and it was a one time indiscretion. But none of us believe him.
nandu_sabka_bandhoo
What I'm more interested in knowing is - did they find a bone marrow match for the kid ?
The OP said:
Throwrasecrets27
We only found out about my brother and my dad's secret family two days ago.
Well, roughly a year and a half later, the OP returned with an update.
"UPDATE - It was revealed that my dad has a secret other family and now there is drama"
Throwrasecrets27
I want to thank everyone who posted kind and supportive comments towards me and my family. My mom divorced my dad. She could not get past the infidelity and didn't believe my dad that "it was only a one time indiscretion."
She was devastated when she found out. She's doing better now but it still hurts sometimes. They were married for 34 years so it's been a big adjustment for her.
Regarding my nephew, it turned out that while no one in my family is a match (my brothers, my uncle and my cousins all got tested) the then girlfriend (now fiancée) of my cousin was a match.
She agreed to be a donor. It was complete fluke because she isn't genetically related to my nephew. But she has given him a second chance and had no hesitation about agreeing to donate. Everything went as well as it could have and my nephew is doing great.
We have been getting to know my brother, his wife and my nephew. My brother has only met or talked to my dad twice in his life (once when he was in university and once to tell my dad that my nephew needed a bone marrow donor).
Total time for both meetings together was less than 30 minutes. My dad was never involved in his life and was against my brother contacting us. We don't care what my dad says though. My brother wasn't trying to get money or anything from us. It was just about trying to save nephew. Thanks again for all the supportive comments.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's update:
Fjordgard
The girlfriend/fiancee is a total champ - both to get tested as well and then to agree to be a donor. Sounds like the one, big asshole of a father has somehow managed to be surrounded by really awesome, decent people without getting found out.
peter095837
Fathers like this don't deserve the title of being a father. Cheating is wrong and I will not stop saying that. I feel for OP's mother and I wish her the best. OP does get the happy end with having a SIL, nephew and brother which is nice.
rumpelstiltskinxap
Dad was a real POS, but everyone stepped up during this time of need for the kiddo, all around great characters despite it all.
raredontstare
Thank God the kid is doing ok. Poor OPs mom, to find out after 34 years, must be devastating.
QueerTree
The dad is such a dingus. It wasn’t a one time indiscretion (which is not really something I can get behind anyway) but DECADES! of deceit.
Aberrantkitten
Can we all agree that the siblings and cousins in this story are good people? And kudos to cousin’s fiancée for not thinking twice about donating.
poppysmear
Anyone who is interested in becoming a bone marrow donor can sign up at https://bethematch.org/. It's a very easy process to join the registry, that just involves a saliva swab! Then (ime) you just wait forever and never get called. 😅 I have aged out of the donor pool, so if you are between 18 and 35, they really, really want you!